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Will the year head think I am pathetic if I contact over this?

(12 Posts)
alwaysintheshadow Thu 10-Mar-16 17:49:44

DD has SEN and very low self esteem and is in secondary. She uses an sen room at lunch and this is her sanctuary. She hates school as it is. She is very quiet and has been struggling so much recently getting in a state about school we went to the GP.

DD went up to high school knowing no one, she made friends with a group of children including this particular girl but was closer to one of the others in the group. However the girl didn't like this and was jealous that her friends were phoning dd after school to chat and tried to cause trouble with dds new friends telling them lies about dd slagging them off and things she had supposedly said. The girl encouraged them to isolate her and also rang her from a sleep over to rub it in that dd wasn't invited.

At the start of this year this girl had a huge argument with the girls she had isolated dd from and started using the sen room, she also tried to make friends with dd again. I told dd to watch her back but dd has no friends and a bad friend was better to her than none sad

This girl pretended to be friends with dd then tried to cause trouble with two people dd had started to hang out with telling them not to bother with her as she ditches everyone. This is because dd goes straight to lunch without waiting for people as dd has a queue jump pass due to sen. She continued this even though the girls took no notice.

DD had just had her braces off after a year. This girl was angry at dd because she has only just had hers on and created a fuss over it ranting at her. Then dd got her retainer and a clear one were as the girls is metal. Again she made a fuss over it moaning about dd getting a clear one on the NHS when she hadn't. DD said I had paid extra for a clear one to which the girl guessed it was because dd was self conscious about it and said she was going to tell everyone dd had a retainer on thinking it would cause dd to be upset.

This girl has is known for complaining about people to the year head if anyone challenges her so dd is quite worked up. She has a sister higher up in school who has been known to threaten to batter people and she plays on this.

It all seems petty drama but it really is affecting dd sad

noblegiraffe Thu 10-Mar-16 17:52:09

Email the Head of Year saying what you've said here, that there are friendship issues. Teachers will be able to keep an eye out for issues, make sure they're not sat together in classes etc.

Don't worry about emailing in, schools often get requests like this.

ArgelianArgelian Thu 10-Mar-16 18:01:11

Actually it doesn't sound petty at all, it's bullying.

Please let the school know

Cleebope Thu 10-Mar-16 18:16:56

Of course contact form teacher and/or hoy. Also the senco may be able to help. I'm hoy and this sort of pastoral issue is not uncommon. You should ask for an interview so you can go in and explain it all properly, maybe to a couple of teachers. That way it may be taken more seriously. Good luck. With time I'm sure it will get better.

Narp Thu 10-Mar-16 18:18:57

It's not petty; it's bullying. Classic - meets all definitions of bullying I've ever read

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 10-Mar-16 19:07:18

That's not petty friendship squabbles, it's bullying and your daughter is already vulnerable. Yanbu at all to email

alwaysintheshadow Thu 10-Mar-16 19:51:37

Thank you. My feeling also was it was bullying but I needed to confirm I wasn't over reacting. I know the girl has had issues at home (not abuse but a difficult family situation) but my DD has also been through similar circumstances and my priority is her.

There was also another incident in which my DD asked the child not to shout at her when they were still friends and the child punished dd by not telling dd she wasn't meeting her the next morning until after the school bell when she text her so dd was nearly late for school (only not late because dd rang me and told me she was still waiting and I made her go)

I had forgotten about that actually sad

RockUnit Thu 10-Mar-16 21:25:45

Yes, it's bullying. It must be horrible for your DD. The school should have an anti-bullying policy and you'd be totally justified in contacting her tutor, head of year and SENCO.


TickettyBoo Thu 10-Mar-16 21:44:20

Definitely nbu contacting the head of year, it's bullying and she's vulnerable. Your poor DD, I hope things improve for her soon.

SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell Thu 10-Mar-16 21:50:21

That girl sounds pretty unhappy herself to be honest. Anyone who behaves like that is not happy. Manipulative, over bearing and attention seeking. Definitely email.

Hippychickster Thu 10-Mar-16 22:09:59

I am a head of year in a high school and I would want to know this!! Although I'd be very surprised if this girl hadn't flagged up to the pastoral department before.

alwaysintheshadow Fri 11-Mar-16 09:18:51

The girl is very unhappy and I know school are aware of the home situation as dd has been with her to pastoral team. I've had some contact with Mum and she is really lovely and helped my DD out last year (no contact for her now) but she looked completely worn down and I'm reluctant to add further to her worries as there are issues with the older child but my DD is at Camhs stage and I can't let her be beaten down anymore sad

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