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AIBU to end this friendship?

(6 Posts)
Dinosaurdrip Thu 10-Mar-16 11:29:07

I posted this in chat by accident so am posting here also....We have been friends for 25 years, about 5 years ago she got together with a man (he was in a relationship). She got pregnant, he said he didn't want this and kept playing her going back and forth between being a twat and being a dutiful boyfriend. Their child was born and they had a 'relationship' he didn't live with them. She would ask for more commitment he would call relationship off and this cycle has continued for nearly 3 years.

Earlier this year friend receives a message from someone saying that she had been in a relationship with her partner for a year and she was pregnant. The twat says he isn't going to have anything to do with the child as he believes the other woman trapped him on purpose. I find this absolutely abhorrent but friend has said she can't have a relationship with twat if he has anything to do with said child, so is therefor condoning his behaviour!

I can not see how our friendship can't be affected as I can't stand the guy and won't be in the same vicinity as him. Plus she is allowing him to behave like he is by getting back with him and saying what she is.

This is the short version so to try not to drip feed, he has 5 children (this will be his 6th) one of these other children he chooses not to have anything to do with also. I grew up with an absent father so maybe I'm being over sensitive. So I'm asking for your views and think I'm overreacting by ending this friendship!

getyourfingeroutyournose Thu 10-Mar-16 13:29:12

This sounds an awful lot like my DP's ex best friend. Cheated on his girlfriend and mother of his child multiple times, left her and their baby for another woman who got pregnant in a matter of months, told everyone it was her fault and she trapped him and to date, hasn't seen baby number two in her life (that I'm aware of) and went back to baby mama #1 who accepted him back until he left her again for (apparently) a 16 year old.
I wouldn't be surprised if there were more kids involved that I don't know about but people like this don't change. What makes it worse is that this guy that I'm talking about hated his own dad for doing the same thing and considers his SD as his own dad.
I don't blame you for wanting nothing to do with it. It's a toxic situation and I myself walked away from DP at one point because I refused to have his BF involved in my life. DP walked with me out of his own choice.
It's not going to be easy to give up on a friend of 25 years or so but to be honest would you rather have someone who is so anti your own values in your life?
Only you can decide that though.
You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Just make excuses whenever they want to spend time with you.

Bluebolt Thu 10-Mar-16 13:56:47

It would depend on the friend, I have one friend whose self esteem is so shot she cannot see the wood for the trees and has made some recent appalling decisions. Most of these decisions (mistakes) only happen because oh his pesence in her life. My friend probably needs a friend now more than ever, I avoid him but let my friend I am still there if she needs me.

Dinosaurdrip Thu 10-Mar-16 14:05:21

It really is an awful situation, she was meant to be my bridesmaid in September. Her older child (7) and my ds2 are best friends and are in the same class at school so I am always going to see her. I just can't see our friendship surviving this.

Dinosaurdrip Thu 10-Mar-16 14:09:59

But to support him in not having anything to do with his child, and to further condone his behaviour by saying she couldn't be with him if he did have a relationship with said child is just disgusting!

blankmind Thu 10-Mar-16 14:18:30

Can you see her without him and steer the conversations away from him, so your friendship can at least continue on some level until she comes to her senses and dumps him

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