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Should I ask DD's form tutor to cut her a bit of slack at the moment, or will i just be told 'rules are rules'

(9 Posts)
BigSandyBalls2015 Thu 10-Mar-16 10:34:52

I don't want to come across as 'one of those parents'. I've posted on here numerous times about DD (aged 15, year 10). She's had a sick phobia for years, it has got worse at school, she's now convinced chest pains are a heart problem, despite tests ruling anything serious out. Basically she's going through an anxious stressy time, and pressure is on at school for GCSEs next year - mocks this year, revision sessions already starting etc.

DD has a new form tutor, for registration first thing, and last thing (20 min each end of the day). She has been on DDs case since she started two weeks ago for 'persistent lateness' - DD was 2 min late to form due to an over-running previous lesson. She's had to clear up in an art lesson and been slightly late. DD is not an organised person when she's feeling good, so at the moment things are slipping, she is late and moody and dreamy, and anxious. I feel this teacher is adding to her problems but I'm worried about asking her to back off a bit with her as a) i don't think she's the most empathetic of characters, and b) I will prob be told that she's a 'young adult' being prepared for the work place ..... blah blah and lateness won't be tolerated there etc. c) I come across as not supporting the school's rules.

Views appreciated please. Had a ranty voicemail from this teacher, barely pausing for breath about all the 'incidents' DD had been involved in - all minor few minute-late issues.

DD had no problems whatsoever with her previous form teacher, most feedback from teachers is good generally, apart from doing the bare minimum of work. Her head of year is aware of her anxiety issues.
I generally find it difficult to challenge teachers as i was brought up in a family that thought doctors and teachers were god-like and never wrong. However, I have overcome this to an extent over the years since becoming a mother, it's still there though lurking!

thanks all.

LemonBreeland Thu 10-Mar-16 10:39:42

I think perhaps asking for a meeting with the form teacher and include the HOY. You don't feel confident of getting anywhere with this teacher, so I suggest adding in the HOY will help.

ephemeralfairy Thu 10-Mar-16 10:50:08

Sounds like your daughter is having a tough time. I suffer from the same phobia so I know how stressful and debilitating it can be!

If an adult in the workplace was having stress/anxiety related problems they would be perfectly within their rights to ask for support from their line manager (form tutor equivalent) and the line manager would get slapped with a grievance if they disregarded or minimised the problems.

It's not like she's pissing about, she is genuinely stressed and anxious. I think you should def talk to the teacher and head of year as PP said. Frame it as 'how can we all support DD to move forward/be more organised/address her anxiety' rather than 'DD is special snowflake and you're not to be horrid to her!'.

I also think the teacher is being supremely unhelpful and unprofessional if she is leaving ranty voicemails.

averythinline Thu 10-Mar-16 11:10:34

Keep the voicemail and ask for meeting with HOY/Senco &/or welfare and the teacher... as ephemeral says talk about going forward ....

I grew up in a family of teachers and still have the automatic deference but have learnt the hard way that sometimes you do need to question ...teacher probably is being thoughtless rather than vindictive if she doesn't know about dd issues or maybe doesn't know either way a work together approach seems the best strategy - accepting that dd does need to be working toward or have a way of managing as the rest have to...
(or just burst into tears as I did when talking about ds anxiety and watch them panic)

budgiegirl Thu 10-Mar-16 11:12:00

I think it depends on how many times she has been late, and whether this is due to her being disorganised, or whether she has always had valid reasons for being late.

all the 'incidents' DD had been involved in - all minor few minute-late issues
It sounds from this like there may have been several occasions when your DD has been late, and this probably does need addressing. I would think a meeting with the form tutor to establish why this is happening is probably a good idea, and it will probably also give you a better idea of whether the form tutor is being reasonable or not. It will also give you a change to reiterate the anxiety problems that your DD has.

sonlypuppyfat Thu 10-Mar-16 11:19:58

Why is it some teachers really know how to wind up kids. When I was at school I think most of them went on " how to be a sarky bastard course" my poor DD is suffering at school now, she never talks in class or gets in trouble and has an ATL 4 when all the other children are chatting away, this is in just one subject all her other classes her ATLs are 1

GoblinLittleOwl Thu 10-Mar-16 11:32:55

" I'm worried about asking her to back off a bit with her as a) i don't think she's the most empathetic of characters, and b) I will prob be told that she's a 'young adult' being prepared for the work place ..... blah blah and lateness won't be tolerated there etc. c) I come across as not supporting the school's rules. "

Sorry, but that is exactly how you do come across.
Better to ask how you can help emphasize the importance of minor issues to your daughter to help her avoid more trouble.
The school is giving time to help your daughter; please support them.

RockUnit Thu 10-Mar-16 13:02:49

YANBU. Schools should support students who have mental health difficulties just as much as those with physical issues. They should make allowances and not discriminate against your DD.

PennyDropt Thu 10-Mar-16 13:09:24

Try talking honestly to her. She might be supportive if she knows whats going on.

What help are you getting for DD

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