Ex-DP and I have always disagreed on our 'approach to money', one of the major factors for our break up. He refuses to save, will not budget, spends everything he makes (and often more) and thinks conversations about money are 'a downer' so always refused to have them or, when together, would just storm out when discussions arose! He is financially messy - doesn't keep track of spending, outgoings, direct debits and does stupid things like takes out £10 cash on a credit card at a transaction fee of £3! Genius! I could understand his POV if he didn't have money to save after paying bills but he makes almost £50k pa and has done for many years. (I do think his attitude comes from his family who lived 'day to day' and didn't think about the future.)
As a result he is now 53, almost 54, has no savings, investments, property and, importantly, no pension. He actually refuses to save for a pension as he says its a waste of money and a 'bad investment'. When together I forced him to put some money into a pension, which he did for a while but stopped. The resulting investment will give him a grand figure of £20/year on retirement! Hurrah!
When he retires, either at std retirement age or earlier if he has ill health etc, he won't have anywhere to live (that he can afford) and no money to live on, bar the national pension all of which will probably go to renting a bedsit somewhere. It looks dire to me - but he can't see it.
He is my EX so at the end of the day it's really not my problem anymore. But I worry so much for my 2 DDs (age 3 & 10) for whom this WILL be a problem. Not only will his lack of £ mean I'll have to carry the burden of covering the costs for Higher Education etc which is okay as i have saved for them (note - he will be retired by the time our youngest goes to University/Further Education) but I constantly envision a situation where my daughters are guilted out into looking after him, paying for his accommodation and life when retired. It's a big burden and worry for someone to have about a parent, especially for children in their late teens/early 20s as they will be. I'm so cross that he never thought about how his decisions will affect others in future.
I should probably add that my daughters are likely to inherit quite a bit of £ from my family and I partly think he's relying on a retirement of 'tapping them up' to get a 'piece of that action'. God. Not exactly the kind of father/daughter dynamic I was hoping for my children.
AIBU to worry about this? It's been preying on my mind a lot - and making me cross! I really don't know what to do except for save myself and educate my daughters on these issues.
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AIBU?
to think my ex DP's financial mess will place a huge burden on my DDs?
43 replies
williaminajetfighter · 09/03/2016 23:26
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