To think he is taking the piss?

[whatsinanamereally]

DP and I have a wonderful 6 month old dd. I am on maternity leave for a few more months, dp works full time. He currently goes out 2 nights a week during the week from approx 7-12p. He now announces that he wants to do another activity one night a week, this would be straight from work till about 6/7pm. Our dd Goes to bed at 7 so he probably wouldn't see her at all that night, although he says he'd get up early and see her in the morning (unlikely as he is useless at getting out of bed in the morning!). I feel like he gets enough free time every week. I'm not doing any activities at the moment but I intend to start one again (am getting over an injury). Aibu to think that he already gets enough leisure time or am I being a hormonal cow bag?

[WonderingAspie]

He is taking the piss. Does he get up during night with her at all or is that all down to you? Do you get lie ins at weekends? Time to yourself?

[whatsinanamereally]

I could on the nights he doesn't go out but I feel like we need to spend some time together. Weekends are family time so after dd goes to bed on those 3 nights is the only time I spend alone with him. I admit I'm pissed off just now as I want to get back to my fitness regime but I don't know how I'm supposed to fit that in without the relationship suffering. I feel like I have sacrificed a lot since dd was born and he is just carrying on the same.

[whatsinanamereally]

I do all night time wake ups. I get up at 6/7am with her every day during the week (he does not get up till 8.20 ish). I get one day lie in at the weekend but only because I complained and I got made to feel guilty for asking for it. This has only happened in the last few weeks. He had over a week off over Xmas and I didn't even get one lie in then.

[whatsinanamereally]

He has recently started taking dd out at the weekend for a couple of hours so I can have a little free time but I think that only happened because I made it clear I wasn't happy. I feel I don't want to moan at him again but I'm pretty peeved.

[janethegirl2]

Yes, lazy git too

[RudeElf]

He needs to get up at 6 with baby and let you lie on til 8.20 every morning.

[RudeElf]

No reason not to. He is getting a full night's sleep, you arent. He is out all day not seeing her. You are. He is out in the evenings not seeing her. You are. And he normally doesnt get up til 8.20 so it wont be keeping him late if he hands over to you at 8.20.

[WonderingAspie]

He is a lazy sod who needs to realise he is a dad and he cannot continue to come and go as he pleases, whilst you are thinking about the relationship and spending time with him, he clearly isn't thinking this. I would go ahead and do the fitness thing on a free night, it doesn't matter if you aren't sat in with him, do something for you. There is no need for him to be laying in every day until 8.20 either, surely he can get up some days during the week? You also shouldn't feel guilty about having a lie in!

[clam]

I think you've got to stop feeling guilty about expecting him to step up and do more. Stop minimising your own contribution.

[whatsinanamereally]

Thankfully dd is now only up once per night most nights and she's in our bed once she wakes so he does get woken too but it's up to me to feed her and try and calm her. He tuts and turns over mostly. Occasionally he tries to help but mostly not. He spoke about getting up earlier so he could start work earlier and get home earlier (he can work flexi time) but that has never materialised.

[RudeElf]

Well remind him. Give him two options. Get up with DD at 6 and hand over to you at 8.20 (you will remain undisturbed until that point) or he gets up early and goes to work early for flexi time.

[whatsinanamereally]

I actually expected to get told I was bu. I have post natal anxiety and possibly depression (which DP can't get his head around at all) so I tend to think it's just me being needy and stupid. I don't know if I can face an argument right now but at least I know it's not me.

[suspiciousofgoldfish]

No, it's definitely not you. It seems like your H has been carrying in life as normal while you have had the huge upheaval of life with new baby.

You have (unwittingly) allowed this to happen by trying to 'do everything' because that's what nice, kind women do.

Unfortunately now he is taking the piss and if you don't say anything you will become a seething mass of resentment.

Situations like this (partners not pulling their weight) contribute massively to PND.

Write a list of ALL your frustrations (even the ones that seem 'bonkers'). Sit your H down and tell him exactly how you feel and what you need from him.

Most men who love their wives do not want to see them unhappy so what you are describing may just be a case of him not realising how much his behaviour affects you. If he refuses to change then he's a selfish prick who will make you miserable and that needs a new thread.

I often sometimes think it would be easier raising children with another woman.

[whatsinanamereally]

I snapped at him a bit this morning because I said I would get up with her this morning and maybe he could tomorrow. His reply was that it was Friday. I asked why he was more important than me. He says I can go back to sleep when dd naps. He also seems to think maternity leave is a holiday!