To think this is a backhanded insult and totally uncalled for?

(203 Posts)
pavlovapippa Wed 09-Mar-16 21:19:49

I've been doing some work recently with an old friend of mine from school, we'll call her Gemma as this is her name and I don't care to give her a false one. Anyway so I invited Gemma out for a few drinks the other day as she's never met my boyfriend and we haven't really had a good chance to get together since school, we went to a local cocktail bar where I live and the night was lovely apart from one little moment which has been playing on my mind since.

I went to the loo, she came with and whilst in there she made a comment about my boyfriend to the effect of "oh he's gorgeous, you've done well for yourself." Now am I being unreasonable to think that this is very rude and suggests that I am inferior to him as she's oh so shocked that I've managed to find somebody so attractive? Maybe this seems petty and I am just blowing this out of proportion but she could have made a comment on his appearance without having to say "you've done well for herself". Now debating whether or not this is somebody I want to be friends with.

Fluffy24 Wed 09-Mar-16 21:21:16

I wouldn't, on its own, have taken this as an insult unless it was said in a certain way?

Griphook Wed 09-Mar-16 21:21:34

I thibk you're over thinking it

WorraLiberty Wed 09-Mar-16 21:21:34

Oh for fuck sake

AnyFucker Wed 09-Mar-16 21:21:39

This isolated comment if the rest of the evening was fine would not have raised my shackles to the extent that yours have.

Are you generally a bit touchy ?

Pyjamaface Wed 09-Mar-16 21:21:59

YABU and massively over-thinking

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Wed 09-Mar-16 21:22:22

It's a perfectly normal thing to say, she was being nice.

pavlovapippa Wed 09-Mar-16 21:22:36

Definitely it was said in a strange tone Fluffy24, I wouldn't have thought anything of it had it been said in a sarcastic or joking way.

AlpacaLypse Wed 09-Mar-16 21:23:05

? I don't think she meant anything nasty by it. It sounds like the sort of verbal filler that most people use in conversation.

I wonder if you think you're not really gorgeous enough for him and that's why you're defensive?

Quietwhenreading Wed 09-Mar-16 21:23:40

You are overthinking it. She probably thought she was paying you a compliment.

WifOfBif Wed 09-Mar-16 21:24:14

You're overreacting. Massively.

biggles50 Wed 09-Mar-16 21:24:31

It's not so terrible. She was trying to be nice maybe and it sounded patronising? Don't over think it and be happy with your new bf.

MissBeaHaving Wed 09-Mar-16 21:25:04

It's just a comment?
She a friend who commented on your handsome Dp - not a crime I wouldn't have thought seeing as you went out to introduce him?

GruntledOne Wed 09-Mar-16 21:25:46

YABU, it doesn't sound in the least rude. I really don't understand your thinking processes, I would have been more inclined to think it was rude if it had been said sarcastically.

WorraLiberty Wed 09-Mar-16 21:26:21

Do you see yourself as inferior to him deep down?

Surely there has to be more to this.

Shapebandit Wed 09-Mar-16 21:27:50

It's just a saying. She was being nice!

pavlovapippa Wed 09-Mar-16 21:27:52

I suppose that it may be in part due to my own insecurities due to past experiences with relationships and dating. Hmmm.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 09-Mar-16 21:28:19

we'll call her Gemma as this is her name and I don't care to give her a false one

Don't know why but this made me laugh. Calm down, OP.

whifflesqueak Wed 09-Mar-16 21:28:47

years and years ago, someone commented on my new relationship by saying that I had really landed on my feet.

I smiled and shrugged at the time, but I have never forgotten that throwaway comment.

maybe Gemma is cringing about it. people say shit without thinking. or maybe she didn't even register that it might be taken badly.

Mango5000 Wed 09-Mar-16 21:28:58

Get a grip

fatherpeeweestairmaster Wed 09-Mar-16 21:29:07

I'm surprised you had time to take Gems out for a drink, in between liaising with your major sporting contacts and organising parties for pubs? Or is she one of the more supportive women you know, unlike the ones you were putting on blast last night? hmm

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 09-Mar-16 21:29:31

Jeezo.... hmm

OhShutUpThomas Wed 09-Mar-16 21:30:12

Did you just have a thread about how all other women are jealous of you?

Apologies if I have the wrong poster.

smallplainblonde Wed 09-Mar-16 21:30:53

I also think you're overreacting. I've had people say this to me before about DH but he's a lovely person and people instantly like him. I have done well for myself to find someone so lovely. Rather than taking it as a personal insult I just take it as people thinking he's a lovely man.

Hoppinggreen Wed 09-Mar-16 21:31:34

You really are paranoid aren't you?

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