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AIBU?

To Refuse This Lovely Invite?

32 replies

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 21:02

So we always hear about people trying to find ways to say no to having holiday or overnight guests, but what about refusing an offer to stay at someones home. How do you refuse graciously?

I'm going on a summer holiday and someone in a travel group I'm in put me in contact with one of their friends, who offered to play tour guide which I did accept and we've been messaging back and forth.

She knows that I have not yet booked accommodation and made the very kind offer for my daughter and I to stay with her for free. Trouble is I don't want to stay with her. It is a very nice offer but I've never met her before and perhaps pre-child and ten years previously I may have taken her up on it, but with child I need a routine and be able to come and go as I please and lie in bed all day and not talk to anyone if I feel like it, plus with a two year old probably throwing tantrums here and there I will be on edge trying to over control her behaviour all time.

In short I just need my own space, but how do I tell her without sounding like an arsehole. What would you say?

OP posts:

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/03/2016 21:04

I'd say, very kind of you, don't want to impose, can you suggest some hotels near your house. And be insistent.

MaidOfStars · 09/03/2016 21:04

That's really lovely of you to offer but we'd prefer to have our own space. Thank you so much though.

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 21:06

@ThroughThickandThin01 I'm scared that will lead to insistence

@MaidOfStars I think I may say this. I just hope she doesn't stay there is an annexe.

OP posts:

Hassled · 09/03/2016 21:09

Tell her you're incredibly grateful and are looking forward to meeting her but really feel you and your DD need your own base so you can establish some routines quickly etc etc. And then keep repeating that. She's probably just offered to be polite and won't push it if you decline.

DoreenLethal · 09/03/2016 21:12

'Aw thanks but we are not the best guests at the minute; we need lots of 'us' time for various reasons I'll not go into right now.'

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/03/2016 21:14

Definitely don't stay with them. We had friends who insisted we stayed with thrm last summer, to our cost our relationship won't be the same.

Just book up a hotel now, so you can say you're sorted.

NameAgeLocation · 09/03/2016 21:16

Perhaps say that parents or other rellies have insisted on treating you to a hotel?

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 21:20

I replied with lots of gushing about aww how kind you are how lovely and then said "We'd much prefer to have our own place, really looking forward to meeting you though."

OP posts:

Herewegoagainfolks · 09/03/2016 21:21

Book first and then politely decline - she'll probably be secretly relieved.

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 21:22

@ThroughThickAndThin01 I totally know what you mean. I had the houseguest from absolute HELL last year who refused to leave my house to the extent of putting herself in the hospital and telling me she couldnt fly for a month, so I absolutely know what you mean and have NO INTENTION of ever experiencing anything like that. I refuse to be at the mercy of anyone.

Plus I have never met this person. I've been speaking to her online for a few weeks and obviously its a really nice offer, but even with people I know in real life for years I prefer to have my own space.

OP posts:

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 21:23

@Herewegoagainfolks She knows I haven't booked because I already told her I was going to do a last minute booking so I could knock down the price.

OP posts:

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 09/03/2016 21:29

What you said was fine and I'm sure she'll be fine with it. Have a fab trip!

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 21:32

I hope so! OnIlkelyMoorBahtat

OP posts:

JanetOfTheApes · 09/03/2016 21:32

Don't explain anything. Just repeat: thats very kind of you but no thank you.

LeaLeander · 09/03/2016 21:45

Just say "Part of the treat in going away, for me, is staying in hotels (B&B, whatever) and I'm looking forward to visiting a new one this trip."

No need to use a self-deprecating excuse like "we aren't the best guests" etc.

I loathe staying in others' homes and even dislike villas and condos when on vacation. Give me a good hotel with daily room cleaning, a bar, a taxi stand, etc. any day.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 09/03/2016 21:55

Just find & book a hotel or whatever, and message her, thanks very much, but we're booked in at the the X hotel. Really looking forward to it blah blah

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 22:07

LeaLeander I actually usually stay in airbnb apartments as its useful for making porridge for baby but I totally know what you mean. You are there to treat yourself.

OP posts:

Lynnm63 · 09/03/2016 22:14

Just book somewhere yourself and then say thanks but, insert name has kindly booked us x hotel as a surprise but thank you so much for your kind offer.

Lilylonglegs · 09/03/2016 22:20

Ive already messaged her and just said that I'd prefer my own space. Have no intention on booking anywhere until a couple of weeks before so don't want to start telling porkie pies.

OP posts:

notagiraffe · 09/03/2016 22:22

I hate being a house guest. It's not a proper holiday as you can't relax or stick to your own schedule. Hope she accepts that you need your own space.

StableYard · 09/03/2016 22:23

Lily - did you have a thread on here about your guest? If not there was someone with a similar problem

Alexa444 · 09/03/2016 22:27

What if you made up something about your DD having night terrors when sleeping in a strange place or something equally loud and likely to disturb sleep. Might put her off.

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rookiemere · 09/03/2016 22:33

We've just had this.
Booked flights and plan to stay in a ski resort where our friends have bought a hostel. They very kindly offered to have us stay with them, but thing is:
a) we don't like sharing with DS so tend to stay in apartments
b) we don't want them to lose trade on a busy week
c) they aren't within walking distance of the slope
d) we parent differently and I know that a week in close proximity would kill the friendship.

So I sent an email back saying how much I was looking forward to catching up - said we'd stay on the Saturday ( if I can sort ski school out accordingly) but we wanted to be beside the slopes to get more skiing done.

In your case I'd just thank them for the offer and say that you'd love to meet up for a bit of sightseeing or something.

angielou123 · 09/03/2016 22:36

I wouldn't want to stay either. Just say 'Thanks for the offer but i'm already sorted'. Tell her staying in a hotel is half the fun! Plus you could do with some time just with your child.

ImportSave · 09/03/2016 22:46

Why not just be honest and say you need your own space because DD needs a routine?

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