To be frustrated, and wonder why the baby weight isnt coming off more quickly?

(33 Posts)
Runningupthathill82 Wed 09-Mar-16 18:16:42

So. I put on a huge four stone when pregnant with DD. I've lost two of it but now weight loss has stalled - and I feel shit.

I look like an inflated version of my old self and am covered in flab. DH doesn't find my new shape attractive, he's said as much,very clearly. He hasn't kissed me or shown any affection since the birth. And he's right - I'm very,very far from attractive.

The frustrating thing is, I'm working hard to try and get the excess weight off, but the scales haven't moved in almost three weeks. If anything, I've gained slightly. I'm doing MFP and exercising a fair amount too.

I know I should be enjoying my new baby and not worrying so much about this, but being fat and unfit is really getting me down and has massively knocked my confidence. I don't feel like me anymore. I used to be a runner, now I'm a lumbering wreck who can barely knock out 10K.

I was struggling confidence-wise anyway as I couldn't breastfeed this time round, which made me feel like an utter failure. I'd rather not be a fat failure too.

So. AIBU to be frustrated and unhappy in myself? And AIBU to ask for any advice as to why the weight might not be going more quickly?

Thank you.

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 09-Mar-16 18:18:55

Yes, YABU. Your frustration should be aimed at your twat of a husband telling you you're unattractive.

It can take up to two years for weight to completely drop off - if it does at all. Your body shape will have changed in a few ways forever, and that is okay.

TeaBelle Wed 09-Mar-16 18:19:13

Are you breastfeeding? I found it really hard to loose weight while feeding - I think because your body holds onto some just in case of famine, then you will have stores to feed baby.

Your husband needs strong words

NoManJan Wed 09-Mar-16 18:20:22

Well your DH sounds like a dick. You've just grown a human, how incredible. Give yourself a break. I'm not sure how old your DD is but a 2 stone loss is brilliant.

I think lack of sleep makes it difficult to lose weight too, your hormones might still be all over the place too which won't help.

Please give yourself time and respect what your body has been through.

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHamm0ck Wed 09-Mar-16 18:22:16

YABU. It takes time for it all to come off - it took me 3 years of (admittedly on/off) dieting to finally lose it all. Someone needs to have strong words with your husband, he sounds like a right charmer...

cornishglos Wed 09-Mar-16 18:22:19

Give it timeflowers

Buckinbronco Wed 09-Mar-16 18:23:37

Don't beat up your body. It's done something amazing but also traumatic.

Feeling crap about your body is awful and I hear you (I am 8m post birth) but it DOES get better.

Now, what is that husband doing?

Jw35 Wed 09-Mar-16 18:24:44

Yanbu for being frustrated but your oh is being very unreasonable! He hasn't shown you affection since you gave birth to his wonderful baby? What an arsehole!

You're not 'fat' you're just a bit overweight after having a baby and it's totally normal. It took me 3 years last time to go back to a size 10 after putting on 4 stone with my first baby.

I put on the same with my 2nd and was a size 12 a year later when I got pregnant again. I'm not expecting to be a 10 again until at least 2 years after this baby! It's just my metabolism, it doesn't matter how much I eat or exercise. Even eating no carbs, it took months to lose a stone.

Truth is you probably aren't as big as you think you are, it's much harder to lose the last stone or so when you're already a 'normal' weight.

Just take it slow, enjoy your baby and stop being so self absorbed (I mean this in a nice way. I used to have an eating disorder so do understand your anxiety).

As for your oh..sorry I couldn't stand being made to feel shit about myself like that. He needs to grow up! Sorry

TooGood2BeFalse Wed 09-Mar-16 18:40:00

He should be supporting you and telling you how beautiful you are, and what a wonderful job you've done growing your baby! In my experience, no one ever lost weight in a healthy way without being made to feel good about themselves from the start.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you have already achieved something incredible and if you want it to, the weight WILL come off.

Perhaps your DH would like to set aside some time several times a week where he looks after baby so you can go and exercise if it bothers him so much? wink You know, gym trip, swimming, spin class etc? ( AKA a quiet cafe, bit of pampering, shopping maybe?)

Skiptonlass Wed 09-Mar-16 18:45:31

I remember you from the pregnancy boards. Hope you're enjoying your lo!

Your Dh is a twat.

Losing weight while bf ing isn't happening for me. I had hyperemesis all the way and now I'm so so hungry. Ds feeds like a demon and if I don't eat I feel dreadful.

Go easy on yourself. If you're fit and healthy it will come off, it just will take time.

Did I mention your Dh is a twat?

Runningupthathill82 Wed 09-Mar-16 18:49:58

I laughed out loud at that Skiptonlass! Hope your baby is doing well too, I also remember you from the pregnancy boards not so long ago.

And TooGood - to be fair to DH, he does have the children so I can exercise. Just as I have them both so he can work out, too. It's just frustrating that said exercise sessions aren't resulting in much right now.

MaisieDotes Wed 09-Mar-16 18:53:07

Bloody hell running I'm angry with your husband on your behalf.

I was on the pregnancy and childbirth boards with you, I'm at the same stage and I couldn't really breastfeed either.

I'd say I still have a good stone and a half to go. Yes, I want it gone now but this is my third baby (and second within 18mo) and I'm having to accept that it won't just fall off and I'm probably looking down the barrel of another six months before it's shifted. This is because my lifestyle at the moment (home with a 19mo and a 1mo) just doesn't lend itself to a very low calorie diet. I'd be too fucking miserable, end of.

MrsMook Wed 09-Mar-16 18:53:16

Are you eating enough? What's your target on MFP. It can ask for unrealistically low calorie consumption which doesn't help.

Muscle recovery can cause temporary gains from water retention.

I try to focus on nutrition rather than calories, and look at how filling food is rather than cutting back.

Your DH's attitude is also very unhelpful and uncaring.

tinyterrors Wed 09-Mar-16 19:04:22

Your dh needs to give his head a wobble. You've given birth to his child and put on a bit of weight and he thinks it's fine to not only tell you he doesn't like it bit also withhold affection?

I'm 2.5 stone heavier since having our children and I wasn't overly thin before that and my dh still tells me I'm beautiful even though I don't feel it. He definitely doesn't withhold affection either. I wouldn't still be with him if he behaved lile your dh.

I'm trying to lose weight but it's not easy with the children, uni and dh working long hours as I can't get to the gym or run more than once or twice a week.

If you're doing resistance training it will make you gain as you build muscle but it also helps speed up your metabolism and 1lb muscle is smaller than 1lb of fat.

Whatever you do be kind to yourself. You have a baby to look after, your body has been through hell and it took 9 months to gain the weight so it'll take a while to lose it.

oldlaundbooth Wed 09-Mar-16 19:14:13

I gained four stone too.

DH would have been mincemeat if he'd have said I looked crap after carrying his baby. But that's my relationship.

A two stone loss is great.

If you want the rest to drop off I suggest low carb and walking lots with the pram. Bear in mind it's winter and it's always harder when it's colder! I'm sure if you get back into running (away from your hubby, ha) it'll drop off quick too.

BarkGruffalo Wed 09-Mar-16 19:16:41

You could lose 15 stone of useless flab very quickly by kicking the bastard out...

MagicAlwaysLeadsToTrouble Wed 09-Mar-16 19:20:29

I agree with what everyone has said about not needing to lose weight.

However if you want to, for you, then have you thought about slimming world? I have been on it since January and have had good results, average 2lb a week weight loss. That's just through diet, I'm active (walking for school run etc) but I don't exercise at all.

It's basically a low fat, anti-bread diet. All the fruit and veg, pasta, rice, and low fat meat all good! I haven't found it restrictive tbh. My baby is now 7 months and I have lost 1.5 stone and am now lighter than I was pre-baby, in fact, smaller than I was when I got married! Which amazes me. I would really recommend it.

OohMavis Wed 09-Mar-16 19:22:52

When your DH creates, sustains and delivers life, he gets an opinion on the size of your arse. What a bellend.

Make sure you're allowing yourself enough calories and the odd treat. I only started losing weight when I started making sure I was full.

wtfisgoingon Wed 09-Mar-16 19:27:47

Don't weigh yourself for a while, find a tape measure and take weekly measurements and record in calendar/notes on your phone: chest, natural waist, belly button waist, the pooch/overhang area, hips

I would see reductions when they scales weren't shifting, and found it so much more motivating to know that I was reducing in size even when the scales said otherwise. 4 stone for me with all 3 dc.

Low-carb boot camp on here, couch to 5k, 30 day shred did it for me, but it took longer after the last one!

Take your time, be kind to yourself and good luck xxx

SmallBearMumma Wed 09-Mar-16 19:28:56

I had my DD 9 weeks ago and I am too scared to look at the scales, my DM has been weighing me and I have lost 2 stone but suspect I put on 4 during pregnancy so a long way to go.

Are you doing the same sort of exercise as pre pregnancy? I have just started seeing a personal trainer who specialises in post natal and I am doing quite different stuff, lots of specific core and pelvic floor strengthening... She did say to me that lots of people do the wrong things and to definitely not do sits ups as they can make 'mummy tummy' worse...

Don't beat yourself up about it, you have just done the most amazing thing! And it took 9 months to put the weight on, it won't disappear overnight...

Oh and your DH is an idiot!! smile

SnakeWitch Wed 09-Mar-16 19:50:12

I think you're being harsh on yourself, you don't sound fat and unfit at all just maybe not what you are used to. Please give yourself time, frustrating though I know, and also allow yourself to settle into a slightly different version of you. Having a baby is a big deal! Congratulations BTW. (I just started couch to 5k so I am much more unfit - 10k is realms of uber fitness to me!)

Runningupthathill82 Wed 09-Mar-16 19:50:52

Thanks all.
To answer the questions... at the moment I'm doing MFP on 1200 net calories a day. Eating good, whole foods and limiting carbs where I can.

Exercise wise I do something every day when I can, but I might miss one day a week when DH works at night and I can't get out. I'm running, doing circuits, yoga and spinning. Avoiding body pump and anything ab-focused for the time being.

Getting the tape measure out isn't a bad idea, rather than relying solely on weight, though I suspect the initial measurements will get me down.

OohMavis Wed 09-Mar-16 19:57:02

1200 calories really isn't very much at all for someone who is exercising. That there might be your problem.

RubbleBubble00 Wed 09-Mar-16 19:57:57

Are u actually consuming enough calories for the exercise you are doing? Could u be forcing body into starvation mode?

Lules Wed 09-Mar-16 20:05:40

I put on 20kg when I was pregnant. It's now been almost 6 months and I'm still 7kg over my pre-pregancy weight. It did really bother me but I've got used to it now. I'm sure you look far better than you think you do. Your DH needs to show you affection - what happens if you try to initiate it? Also I found buying new (cheap) clothes made me loads less miserable as I didn't have to face the evidence I was fatter each time I got dressed

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