I'm posting in AIBU because I know I'll get honest replies here, but I'm really upset so please try to be relatively gentle.
Years ago when I was a teenager I had a friend, I'll call her H. H and I's relationship was pretty unhealthy and she was quite manipulative and mean but I cared for her and helped her out a lot through difficult times. She obviously met my parents a few times and in fact stayed with us for a week once when she was kicked out of her home. We have not spoken in about 7 years when I finally had enough and cut her off. The reasons for this are pretty extensive but I hope you will trust that they were all valid!
This week my mum called and said she had had a Facebook message from H and they had been chatting a bit and are going to meet up for a 'proper catch up'. She didn't ask if I minded, just told me. H wasn't particularly close with my mum when we were friends so it's quite confusing to me.
I had a long conversation with my mum and divulged to her the biggest reason why I don't want H anywhere near my life. When we were younger and had been out partying I got VERY drunk. H and a few of her friends were going back to hers, so she helped me into a cab, had to practically carry me upstairs, undressed me and put me into bed. I vaguely remember getting into bed but nothing of the journey home. When I was in bed in a complete slumber, one of H's male friends came into the room. I heard H say 'you can shag her but you better use a condom'. He came in and had sex with me and when I woke up next to him in the morning I felt like I wanted to die. I was so ashamed that I got dressed and left really early. Later that day H texted me laughing saying she'd recorded a video of me and this guy having sex on her phone. It was apparently a joke, but I obviously didn't find it very funny.
At the time I totally and completely blamed myself and felt really ashamed of what I'd done. But the past few years I've started to feel like actually what they both did was really not Ok. I can't imagine doing that to any of my girl friends drunk or sober.
My mum has told me I'm overreacting a bit and thinking too much into it. She said stuff like that happens when you're young and you go out drinking. That I shouldn't be het up over a one night stand and I can't blame H for that.
I've been crying all morning and a big part of me is beginning to doubt myself. Am I overreacting?
AIBU?
To feel so betrayed and think this is not okay? - Trigger Warning
DelphiBlue · 08/03/2016 11:45
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
That was NOT OK. You were raped. Your "friend" was a part of that.
Is there anyone you can speak to about this in RL? 
That was not a one night stand. You did not consent. Your mum is blaming you for something that was NOT your fault and NOT your choice.
I can totally understand why you would never want anything to do with H again and am at a complete loss as to why your mum does to be honest.
for you.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I'm so sorry that your mum is behaving in this way too, you have every right to be upset.
It sounds like you did not give consent to this man and that H actively encouraged him. I think if I were you I would explain again clearly to your mum that this was not consensual sex and also consider going to the police.
I wish I could offer better advice
OP, I do wonder if you might be better on the Relationships board. I think someone else will come along who uses the site more and will tell you if AIUU is the wrong place for you.
This is a really horrible story, and your mother is letting you down so, so badly. I have no idea what to say to you other than that.
No you are absolutely not overreacting! I am genuinely shocked at your mother describing it as a one night stand when it was very clearly a rape 
.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. H and her male friend belong in jail. Your mother is a fuckwit. (Has she form for this sort of behaviour?) I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all this being dragged up by H getting in contact. You said she was manipulative, it seems that hasn't changed.
Sorry if I've missed it but have you explained fully to your mum what happened? If yes then this is NOT OK and things DO NOT happen like this when you are young and drunk.
Your mum should not be meeting up with her.
for you and do not let this be minimised. It was awful and unacceptable what happened to you. I hope you can find somebody in RL to confide in and talk it through.
I really I hope somebody can offer you some practical advice on here to.
We're all on your side, keep posting and have a big, reassuring hug from me.
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Delphi, none of this is your fault
I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Not only was your best friend an accomplice to your rape, after bravely telling your Mum she then dismisses it.
I was raped by someone me & my family trusted, but the difference is my parents have vowed to kill the man should they ever set eyes on him.
What is your relationship with your Mum like? Is she generally supportive? If she is then does she actually understand that it was not a ONS, but rape?
Do you have anyone else in RL to talk this through with?
I'm sorry Delphi, I am not sure what to say apart from to reiterate that none of this is in any way shape or form your fault.
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