DD (8) has form for wanting anything her little sister has got and claiming everything is hers and not to be touched - even if she isn't using it and has no plans to. This morning, she noticed her 4 yo sister had some small toy figures to play with. They received a pack of 20 each at Christmas and they are stored together because they have universal accessories also in the box. 8 yo hasn't played with these figures since Christmas day despite them being stored in plain sight in her room.
When she saw 4 yo had them, she demanded the entire box so she could remove her ones. The box was out of reach because their baby sister was in the room too. This was about 5 mins before we needed to leave for school so I said that she can't take them to school but could play with them when she comes home. She said she didn't want to take them to school, just store them in her room [unspoken: so her sister can't play with them after nursery] and I said they're fine when they are.
She continued to try and sneak and reach the box and so I said if she ignored me, she wouldn't be able to play with them after school either. She still tried to get it when my back was turned, then was unkind to her sister. She ignored me the entire way to taking 4 yo to nursery and I then asked why she was grumpy and if she wanted to talk and sort it out rather than just ignore me. She just shrugged repeatedly to anything else I said during the 20 min walk to school.
When we arrived at school I passed her her bags and said 'bye then, have a good day' and she burst into tears. Her teacher came over to see what was wrong and I explained DD had decided to ignore me and was possibly regretting it now it was time to leave. She took a tear strewn DD in, obviously leaving me feeling guilty, but I don't think I treated her badly? DH would've pandered to her on the way to end the ignoring but she needs to learn that isn't the way to treat people, IMO.
AIBU?
to have just sent DD to school in tears?
lucyloveslemonade · 08/03/2016 09:27
Gosh, that was a bit iliterate, sorry. Please add another ) after "them" 
You were right. My ds8 is so similar to this but it's against his older sister. He's like a little terrier. He was worse at 7 and has eased off recently and become a bit easier now he's heading towards 9.
He's had me in tears before now and me stamping my feet having my own tantrum. It's exhausting but keep going 
Please wise one! Teach me how you stay so calm of a morning! 
there is no way i would have patience for that before school.
Of course it's fine for OP's DD to want her things in her room, but it seemed pretty clear in this case that they weren't treasured toys, they were untouched since Xmas and she only wanted to hide them in her bedroom to stop her little sister from playing with them. I don't think that sort of mean spiritedness should be encouraged.
I can also see my (mega controlling) DD behaving very much like this when her baby brother gets older 
I know sibling rivalry does your head in, but don't forget positive reinforcement and attention every time DD1 is nice to DD2, OP. It is easy to forget because - most of the time - it doesn't actually mean being particularly nice, it's just not tearing each other limb from limb But the fiercest competition is always for parental attention, so if they get loads of that for being less evil nice, they are more likely to tone down the rivalry.
I'd have done the same with much less patience
They know how to make you feel crap though! Buggers sometimes! 
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