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to say thank you to DH?

(47 Posts)
RoLoh Tue 08-Mar-16 08:31:16

DH tackled a particularly daunting pile of washing up yesterday that I had been putting off for a day or three grin and I went to thank him but then I thought, should I be thanking him for doing an everyday job that I mostly do?

Should I thank him for doing any jobs that are just a regular part of life? He doesn't thank me for washing up every day and nor should he have to.

If I thank him for doing something he should be doing anyway, am I just adding to the idea that he is 'helping' rather than simply doing his share? But I also want to let him know I appreciate him doing this stuff. I really didn't want to do that washing up!

We don't have any kind of rota or defined split of housework, though I am on maternity leave.

araiba Tue 08-Mar-16 08:32:56

of course

attheendoftheday Tue 08-Mar-16 08:35:29

I think it's fine, but I suppose it would depend whether he would thank you for tackling a household job, and how you'd feel about that.

acasualobserver Tue 08-Mar-16 08:36:06

Did you actually thank him? Or are you really waiting for MN to decide whether you should?

PotteringAlong Tue 08-Mar-16 08:36:47

Yes! It's nice to be nice. So much on here boils down to feeling unappreciated. Appreciate him! smile

bakeoffcake Tue 08-Mar-16 08:37:26

Yes I would and do.

I know it sounds sexist but I've found that my dh
and men in general do like to be thanked for doing anything
For some reason it makes them feel appreciated.
I've been married 26 years and dh definitely does his fair share of household stuff.

Sunflower1985 Tue 08-Mar-16 08:38:31

We always say thank you for even the mundane things. Otherwise resentment breeds

icklekid Tue 08-Mar-16 08:38:47

I thank dh when he goes out of his way to help. He doesn't always say thank you but I do still feel appreciated!

FigMango1 Tue 08-Mar-16 08:38:48

I do, Dh and I thank each other over things. He thanks me every day for dinner. I thank him for doing any chores. Didn't think it was odd.

redhat Tue 08-Mar-16 08:40:30

Yes. Not necessarily for everything he does since that would be a bit weird but thanking someone for tackling something like that is polite. DH thanks me for every meal I cook. I found it very weird when we first got together many many years ago but I'm used to it now and it's nice and means that I know when something was shit since I just get a "thank you" and not a "thank you that was lovely"

StuntNun Tue 08-Mar-16 08:44:51

You don't have to say thank you but it is important to recognise what he has done. You could say, "I'm so glad you did that huge pile of washing up, I had been dreading doing it." We all like to get a pat on the back and he will feel appreciated.

Katenka Tue 08-Mar-16 08:45:21

It's a funny one. Because you don't want it to become normal that it's your job and you should be grateful that he has helped.

But of course people should say thanks. Dh does all our food shopping and cooking. I do all the washing and sort the clothes out. He still says thanks when I am putting his clothes away. I still say thanks at dinner time.

I think not saying thanks (maybe not every time) breeds resentment.

I certainly don't agree that is mainly men that like a thanks. Here are threads here all year round where women are saying they feel under appreciated and a simple thank you would go a long way.

Dh even thanked me for getting the kids uniforms out this morning. It's not my job or his job. But it saved him doing it.

I think being appreciative of each other goes a long way.

stumblymonkey Tue 08-Mar-16 08:52:50

In our house we always thank each other for doing chores.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about thanking DP for doing chores if he didn't thank me. I'd probably do it as a way of positively encouraging the same behaviour to be repeated!

FarrowandBallAche Tue 08-Mar-16 08:54:02

Bloody hell what is the world coming to when we have to ask the internet if we should say thanks to our husbands for doing a job?

SchnooSchnoo Tue 08-Mar-16 08:57:02

I have this with dp. He does his fair share, but if he does a tidy up, he does get a bit annoyed if I don't notice or acknowledge it. I have said to him 'You don't thank me for cleaning the kitchen and loading/unloading the dishwasher, which I do every single day!' But, to be honest, if a bit of appreciation keeps him doing it, then I don't really mind. He would happily live in a pig sty, so he is making an effort for my benefit, to some extent. We both always thank each other for cooking.

needastrongone Tue 08-Mar-16 09:00:49

I agree with stuntnun. Wording it like 'Thank you for tackling that massive pile of washing, I really appreciate it, I've been putting it off for ages'

It's ironing for me. DH did a HUGE pile the other week, I hate ironing with a passion, so it had built up. He just stuck the footie commentary on in the kitchen and cracked on. I was so glad he did that.

needastrongone Tue 08-Mar-16 09:02:58

However, DH will often point out EVERYTHING he has done 'for me' in the house if I've been out. Which really frigging gets my goat grin

'I've washed up for you'
'I've tidied up for you'
'I've vacuumed for you'


BlueJug Tue 08-Mar-16 09:04:39

I always say thank you.

DP and kids always say thank you.

Essentially if you don't thank people you are assuming that you are superior and it is their place and your right to something.

If people let me out of a side street or give precedence at doorways those who don't say thank you often provoke a response.

It is about equality within a relationship, mutual respect. Once you start the balance sheet mentality that I sometimes see on here (he had a "night out" therefore I must have one too - whether I want it or not), I think you are lost.

PurpleDaisies Tue 08-Mar-16 09:05:35

We thank thank each other for doing chores. People thank me for the work I've done for them, even though it's my job and they're paying me. It's nice to be polite. I think you're over thinking this op.

AlpacaLypse Tue 08-Mar-16 09:06:54

I suppose DP and I are a bit unreconstructed in our roles - we've drifted into a situation where the kitchen is my province, and general in-charge of housekeeping. However he is perfectly happy to do delineated jobs, never grumps, never sulks, and will quietly deal with washing up when it's obvious I've had a shit day. He's not awfully good at it, and I nearly always have to rewash the glasses, but he's great at shifting greasy roasting dishes, and also he always deals with the horror jobs, like blocked sinks etc. All in all I think we make around equal contributions to AlpacaFamily plc.

magratsflyawayhair Tue 08-Mar-16 09:07:34

Yes of course. Like PP my H and I thank each other for the work we both do around the house.

AlpacaLypse Tue 08-Mar-16 09:08:34

Oh - and we both say please and thank you to each other, for cups of tea and meals and anything stinky and beyond the call of duty. Like dealing with that horrific new life form that was found developing at the back of the fridge the other day... smile

ScoutsMam Tue 08-Mar-16 09:12:46

We've found it works best for us if you always get told 'thank you'. It's nice to be thanked and the thankers take the few seconds to appreciate someone making their tea, doing their washing or doing something nice. We split everything fairly and DS does what we feel is an age appropriate amount.

I hate the 'I did X for you'.

DS is being taught that you do it because "you bloody live here not because you're some sort of saint for putting your sister's toys away".

jellybean2000 Tue 08-Mar-16 09:13:10


"Thank you for doing the washing up" = Fine

"Thank you for doing my washing up" = Not fine


"I did the washing up" = Fine

"I did your washing up" = Not fine

"I did the washing up for you" = Not fine

peggyundercrackers Tue 08-Mar-16 09:16:50

I agree with FarrowandBallAche your overthinking things and reading too many posts on here.

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