I'm 25, spent most of my life being agoraphobic/suffering with anxiety/depression/no friends/no job/never had a relationship.
I'm nc with my sister and have heard through my dad that she is getting married and wants me to come to the wedding in 3 years time. I cried and cried.
My sister is very popular so her wedding will be a big one, and I'll be the pathetic barren spinster sitting with my mum or dad wishing it was me.
I suppose the wedding invite is an olive branch (she was verbally abusive and told me I was a cunt) but I fear looking even more of a cunt if I don't go.
All I've ever wanted is to be a mum and be married, but my life is turning out exactly how I'd feared it would.
Who wants to bed in 3 years time i'll still be a barren spinster, but even more jaded and fucked up?
I can't make myself fertile, I can't make a man marry me, I can't make my mh issues go away. I can't make people like me, either.
I just feel so unlucky and angry, why me?
AIBU?
To be sad that my life is turning out exactly how I predicted it would
FlowersAndShit · 07/03/2016 14:26
Hi Flowers, here are some flowers :) 
I'm really, very sorry to hear you feel this way and I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult time for a while now but I can promise you there is hope! I know, I know. Cliché and boring but it's true. I speak from personal experience.
Here's the key thing I picked up from your post. You've clearly given up and resigned yourself to a life of depression, loneliness, anxiety etc. Your not a bad or lazy person for doing this but the lack of will and want to get better is probably a big factor in why you can't seem to get out the slump. You're only 25, that's so young and you have so much time ahead of you. You need to find the motivation in yourself to get better, no one else can do it for you and then take some positive steps.
Therapy, medication, self-help, diet, exercise and counselling groups are all great starts but take things one day at a time, baby steps! One thing to remember, if you don't like a certain counselling group, medication or therapist you don't have to stick with them but don't give up on it altogether. If you don't like your therapist, find another, try a few out. If you don't like your medication, speak to your doctor about exploring a different kind and so on.
I hope this is helpful and makes sense since I have the terrible habit of rambling haha!
You do not need to read The Secret, it's a victim blaming pile of shite 
. That kind of positive thinking tends to make people feel worse in the long run.
There are proper ways to do positive thinking that could really help you, lots of self etseem and gratitude/positivity self help. Not to mind counselling/therapy and medication and self care (like exercise etc) that would be wonderful for you.
I really would seek some help, making small changes and reaching for support. The help is there and the changes are possible.
I hope you feel better soon 
I remember when my younger brother got engaged. I (privately) cried. I was happy for him but believed it was never going to happen for me.
Literally a couple of weeks later I met my now DH. Exactly one year and one day after meeting him, our (unplanned!) DD was born. We ended up getting married just 3 months after my brother.
You never know what's round the corner.
I used to be a bit like you. I just wanted to be married with a baby, have friends to do stuff with, have some sort of a career... but for years I was hampered by severe anxiety. I often struggled to leave the house for weeks.
Why not try online dating? I used to medicate myself heavily for dates, and became friends with a few of the men. That helped me break out of the dark place I was in, going out for coffee and walks and listening to them talk about their problems and ex-wives! I was open about my anxiety.
When I married last year I was still a bit of a recluse. I had a job but few friends. Then I had a baby! Despite endometriosis we conceived easily. I made lots of new friends through NCT and baby groups and now have an active social life. My anxiety is almost non existent these days.
My advice: find a partner. Someone kind, with a good job, so he can support both of you until you feel well enough to get out in the world. Someone who can afford fertility treatment if you need it. The right partner could transform your life and it sounds like you need someone on hand 24/7 to help get you out of where you are now. Someone to give you confidence, encouragement, reassurance, to take the pressure off. To reduce the loneliness. When you spend all your time alone it's hard to break out of a negative spiral.
Don't sit at home wishing for change. Get out there and make it happen!
Sorry if this is an insensitive question but why are you describing yourself as barren? Do you suffer from a medical condition that makes you infertile?
3 years is a long time to change your life, the only person who can do that is you though.
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