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AIBU to be annoyed at my brother?

(40 Posts)
Jannerite Mon 07-Mar-16 13:50:57

This weekend I was to look after my niece and nephew (10 and 6), from Friday evening to any time during the afternoon/evening of Sunday, depending on when they wanted to go home. My brother, their dad, and their mum have them on alternate weekends, this weekend was their mum's. She'd already arranged months in advance to go on a hen night away (leaving early Sat and coming home Sun), which is why I was looking after them. My brother was working.

Anyway, on the Saturday evening my nephew decided he was going to have a tantrum and strop/sulk and refuse to do anything, including eating the Domino's we got as a one off, and something he was looking forward to. Their mum says I can ring her when he's like that and she'll have a word with him, which I don't do often, but as she was on a hen night, miles away, I thought I'd ring my brother instead.

My brother told me that it wasn't his weekend, that he wasn't going to speak to my nephew as it's nothing to do with him - again because it's not his weekend - and if I want somebody to talk to my nephew I should ring their mother. I told him that they were his children but all I kept getting was "it's not my weekend; ring their mother," so I hung up on him. I was annoyed, more with his attitude than anything else.

The whole time they were with me he never saw them once, even though he finished at 2pm on the Saturday. My niece was hoping he'd come and see them, and even knew he finished early on Sat. That kind of annoyed me as well, as I could see how much it upset her that he didn't want to be there.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly, somewhat, annoyed at my brother?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 07-Mar-16 13:53:43

Not at all, what a shit sad

Why would you not want to speak to or visit your own children when you get the opportunity?!

Very sad for the children, but eventually they will realise what a waste of space he is and will stop bothering with him. He'll then realise what he has missed

NynaevesSister Mon 07-Mar-16 13:56:05

Wow I do not think YABU at all. He is a parent 24/7 not solely on his access days. If that had been the situation with my partner and my step kids we'd have been round straight after work. Any chance to spend more time with the people who should be the most important people in the world to you.

Nydj Mon 07-Mar-16 13:59:06

Your brother sounds a lot like someone I know and this person has the added bonus of sounding pompous and patronising whilst he is being the must rude and unpleasant person I have the misfortune to know.

It's great that you appear to have a good relationship with your sil.

Oh, and yabu to be only slightly annoyed at your brother - he sounds horrible.

ThatFriskyFeline Mon 07-Mar-16 13:59:57

YANBU. If, heaven forbid, they ever end up in hospital when they are not in his care, maybe he should not be informed of this per his own 'not his weekend, not his problem' rule.

Some men really are nothing more than sperm donors.

Labradorlover01 Mon 07-Mar-16 14:15:03

YANBU He choose to have them and they are his and his ex partners from the day they were born 100% ... they may now share custody but sharing custody doesn't make the children you choose to bring into the world only your children in those allotted times... you'd like to think if he has an extra opportunity to see them he'd snap up the chance for that extra time, Its very childish and selfish of him to wash his hands of any responsibility as it 'wasn't his weekend' you sound lovely though for helping out .... your brother not so much...I also think my brother is an arse if it helps!

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 07-Mar-16 16:10:40

Your brother is quite the bastard. Nothing you can do about it I fear, except to keep reinforcing to your niece and nephew that their aunty loves them sad. His behaviour would definitely colour my relationship with him.

BerylStreep Mon 07-Mar-16 16:21:24

It sounds like he is really annoyed with you for supporting his ex by taking the DC for her to heaven forbid have some time to herself.

So he has responsibility for his DC 4 days out of 28, and his ex has responsibility the other 24 days? Jeez, what a prize knob.

Cutecat78 Mon 07-Mar-16 16:21:38

What a tosser sad

JanetOfTheApes Mon 07-Mar-16 16:28:22

I wouldn't be annoyed at him. I'd be disgusted with him, and telling him he's a giant cock who is going the right way about ruining his relationship with his children forever.

curlywurly4 Mon 07-Mar-16 16:30:27

YANBU your brother us bring a total loser. Those poor children, how hurtful,

Waypasttethersend Mon 07-Mar-16 16:31:04

Wow sorry your brother is such a selfish knob sad

ApocalypseNowt Mon 07-Mar-16 16:31:47

Is he unhappy that you've taken his ex-wife's 'side' by helping out? Has he ever done/said anything like this before?

He sounds horrible....feel so sorry for his poor dc hoping their dad might visit them sad

Jannerite Tue 08-Mar-16 00:08:09

BerylIStreep, he I also have them on a Thursday. They come under the façade of coming to see their dad but there's only one mug person who makes sure they're fed, homework is done, washed and in bed. He's normally around the house somewhere in his bedroom with the door shut. He even leaves 60-90 minutes before bedtime as he has to drop his girlfriend's house key off to her.

In reality he has them 4 times a month, hypothetically it should be 8.

iambrianandsoismywife Tue 08-Mar-16 00:11:31

in summary - twat!

his gonad's , his kids, his responsibility

their mum is entitled to some time away - like he gets 24+days a month

Fatmomma99 Tue 08-Mar-16 00:14:48


Lovely that you are there for DN + N, but why are you enabling him?

nocoolnamesleft Tue 08-Mar-16 00:15:50

With a fuckwit of a dad like that, thank fuck they've got an aunt who actually cares about them.

ample Tue 08-Mar-16 00:44:58

Sounds as if the children have a lovely, caring Aunt but a dickhead of a father.
Feel sad for your niece and nephew as it is always the children who miss out in the long run

Nope, YANBU to be annoyed

Jannerite Tue 08-Mar-16 00:52:45

ApocalypseNowt, He wasn't too happy that she wasn't looking after them on her weekend to have them. The couple times I have called him before he just sighs, moans a bit and then tells me to hand the fucking phone over. Him seeing them when I have them is hit and miss, I guess it all depends if he can be bothered - or that's how it seems.

I mentioned it to their mum when I dropped them off on Sunday evening, and it turns out that when she asks him if he can have them for the day/night because she has plans he says to ask me. hmm

Mombino Tue 08-Mar-16 01:02:34

"it turns out that when she asks him if he can have them for the day/night because she has plans he says to ask me"

shock shock shock shock shock shock shock

What a twat. Does he ever ask their mother to reschedule the access days to suit his plans? Or is there no need because he just fobs the kids off on you/someone else?

6cats3gingerkittens Tue 08-Mar-16 01:03:34

My brother is a pain too. No children,thank goodness, far too bloody selfish to donate much let alone sperm.

Jannerite Tue 08-Mar-16 01:32:22

Fatmomma99, I know I need to start telling him no, tell him to find his gonads and to start being the dad they need but I can't see it happening. I know exactly what it feels like to have a "dad" who'd rather be doing anything else. I don't want that for them, but I know I'm actively encouraging him to be an arsehole parent by always being there for him to fall back on.

Jannerite Tue 08-Mar-16 01:36:34

Mombino, he never reschedules. If he has plans he'll just carry on with them and ask me to look after them for him.

Mombino Tue 08-Mar-16 01:43:50

What a knob. What do you think he'd do if you refused?

zippey Tue 08-Mar-16 01:44:28

You are enabling his selfishness but I suspect you fear that without your support his parenting will be even worse. The children are the ones who will come off worse.

He sounds like a really uncaring parent and brother.

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