would you believe your dc or your dh?

(33 Posts)
TurtlesNSharks Sun 06-Mar-16 21:25:39

I have name changed as I'm rather active on multiple threads...

DS is 5 and has said that 'daddy grabs him by his top and pushes him if he has made daddy mad'

My DH has never shown any such behaviour and I can honestly not see where it has come from, WWYD?

theycallmemellojello Sun 06-Mar-16 21:26:46

I think you have to err on the side of believing your ds. Sorry this is happening.

TurtlesNSharks Sun 06-Mar-16 21:31:15

My son does seem to exaggerate, but I would even like the sound of it of it wasn't exaggerated sad

VoldysGoneMouldy Sun 06-Mar-16 21:31:20

You need to be believe your child, and gently ask some more questions.

MissBeaHaving Sun 06-Mar-16 21:32:27

Can you ask him to demonstrate how & ask when this his happened?

hesterton Sun 06-Mar-16 21:34:06

What does dh say?

Deletetheheat Sun 06-Mar-16 21:34:42

Mmm hmmm

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 06-Mar-16 21:35:50

Speaking as ex-SS, I would really want neutral advice about this. Asking DS a lot of questions could do more harm than good.

What is your gut saying?

Deletetheheat Sun 06-Mar-16 21:35:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SuperCee7 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:58:18

It depends. My DS tells me he hits people every day. He doesn't. I've also seen him accuse others of hitting him when they haven't. For my son this is a phase. No one here can tell you what is going on with your son.

TurtlesNSharks Sun 06-Mar-16 21:58:40

What Delete?

DH says that he didn't hurt him at all and it's where they do their jokey thing of "oi, come here you" as a joke, as father and sons do and I have seen them do that, but this time it feels different, but I could never imagine this from DH

NeedACleverNN Sun 06-Mar-16 22:12:11

This is a hard situation and one that needs to be treated with caution.

Maybe set up a secret camera so you can record when you are out?

AdrenalineFudge Sun 06-Mar-16 22:12:29

delete If you don't believe the OP then you know the procedure, the PA umming and ahhing don't help anyone.

WonderingAspie Sun 06-Mar-16 22:16:38

This is tough as one of my DCs once told me that I hit them! I don't at all and never have done but if they said this in school then they would probably be believed. Kids do make stuff up sometimes, some more than others. DD would regularly tell me about 'the nasty girl' ay nursery. She couldn't name her or point her out to the staff and theh also had no knkwledge of anyone being mean to her, but this girl did all sorts apparently, including throwing paint at her, DD came home with her original clothes on and clean. No way that happened but she was adamant.

BettyBi0 Sun 06-Mar-16 22:17:49

Does your DS ever lie about other stuff?

I'm not sure if 5 is old/clever enough to be manipulative or try and get his dad in trouble.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Sun 06-Mar-16 22:29:22

Not sure.

For context, when one of my boys lost a tooth, he told his teacher that 'daddy punched me in the face' shock and that was how it came out. What actually happened (and I was there, saw it start to finish!) was that DH gave DS' hand a nudge while he was gently wobbling it, as it was hanging by a thread. A nudge was all it took for it to come out, it didn't even bleed it was hanging so much!

So I would say take it with a pinch of salt if you've never had reason to suspect DH of being rough (for want of a better word) and just be vigilant.

FloweryTwat Sun 06-Mar-16 22:45:43

If one of my DC said that I would assume that they had been doing something dangerous and DH had grabbed them quick, to stop them running in a road for example, and told them off.

But my DD's have a habit of exaggerating and my DH very very rarely listens to them loses his temper.

So it depends on the background

Believeitornot Sun 06-Mar-16 22:49:19

I'd believe my DC. Children can be quite black and white in their explanations. He might be being a bit rough pulling him about. I would replay to dh if I were you and see what his explanation is.

Wheelerdeeler Sun 06-Mar-16 22:49:36

Ds 7 fell up the stairs last week and said I threw him up shock

I thankfully was no where near him and within dh eyeline.

Kids say stuff like this all the time. Go with your gut. You know your dh better than anyone

DiscoGlitter Sun 06-Mar-16 22:54:18

I really don't know. You know best. Go with your gut. I'd always say side with the child, but my 7 year old is going through a phase at the moment of saying that people are doing stuff that they blatantly aren't.
I was following him upstairs the other day after telling him off for something and he was accusing me of pushing him up the stairs. confused sad
He'll say his older brother has bitten him when I know full well he hasn't. sad
I'd want more details as obviously I wouldn't want him to go unbelieved if something was really going on.

DiscoGlitter Sun 06-Mar-16 22:55:30

Cross post with wheelerdealer. Thank Gawd it's not just mine!

DrAmandaBentley Sun 06-Mar-16 22:56:23

I jokingly asked my 5 year old why his head was so small, and he said it was because I was always smacking it! confusedhmm...I really don't know what caused him to say it, but my kids do come out with some bizarre things every now and then.

You can never quite tell, but I do agree with discussing it again with all parties, and being extra vigilant.

RubyRoseViolet Sun 06-Mar-16 23:02:50

Really hard to tell. I teach this age group. I've honestly had as many children tell me things like this that they have turned out to be made up (or embellished) as I have children who've disclosed completely truthfully. My Dd once told nursery staff that DW (lovely, kind, cuddly) locked her in her room for hours! In fact we both asked her to go up to her bedroom for a brief time out once. She slammed the door herself, it has no lock!

WishToBeWell Sun 06-Mar-16 23:05:07

If you are the same poster who is concerned about 'clumsy daddy', then I think you do need to take a step back and really seriously consider all possibilities, no matter how unthinkable they may be to you.

In what context did DS share this with you? I'd suggest you gently raise it tomm and say Mummy was wondering what you meant when you said X/Y/Z - I'll be you and you be Daddy and you show me what you meant. Something along those lines.

I don't think your gut is sitting easy on this and I suspect there is probably a reason for that sad

Good luck and remember that above all else protecting your child/ren comes first. ALWAYS first.

MrsWigster1991 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:11:16

I would trust what your child says. sad
My neighbour's son used to say his step dad would scream at him when his mum went out on a Thursday night. She didn't believe him as her partner seemed to be one of the nicest men ever and later discovered he was doing more than screaming at her son.

I'm not saying that is what is happening but do respond cautiously. I know kids fib but keep an eye on him.

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