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To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

(1002 Posts)
VioletVaccine Sun 06-Mar-16 21:11:09

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

phequer Sun 06-Mar-16 21:12:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VoldysGoneMouldy Sun 06-Mar-16 21:14:25

Are you going to object to your son sharing a room with boys who might possibly be gay as well? Or just other people at all?

Because that's how ridiculous you sound.

JustHereForThePooStories Sun 06-Mar-16 21:14:52

Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

How about any non-trains girls who identify as lesbian, should they not be allowed sleep in the girls' dorms either?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 06-Mar-16 21:15:02

Why would you need to raise it at all? Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't. I agree but you don't have a DD so don't actually need to deal at all.

FWIW my mum knew which of my friends was gay (if I did) and that was more of an indicator of who was allowed sleepovers rather than sex.

TurtlesNSharks Sun 06-Mar-16 21:15:30

I'm probably in the minority, but I hate this, why does it matter if they have a penis? It doesn't automatically mean they'll get up to sexual things or whatever else you're implying...

I don't honestly see the issue, if they identify as a female? You don't know how many girls are lesbian, would that bother you too?

JustHereForThePooStories Sun 06-Mar-16 21:15:38


VioletVaccine Sun 06-Mar-16 21:15:46

(If anyone has deja vu, I did i just post this exact question on a still active thread, but I didn't want to derail it. I thought might be better here as it's an ongoing situation. Thanks)

Titsalinabumsquash Sun 06-Mar-16 21:15:53

I'd say it's none of your business, and no, I'd have no problem with my DD sharing a room with her if we were in that position, I'd also have no issues with DS sharing with her, it's up to the school to decide.

It's got nothing to do with her sexual preference p, would you worry if DS was sharing with males who were gay?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 06-Mar-16 21:16:53

why does it matter if they have a penis? Would you be happy with boys and girls sharing at 14 then?

MrsBertMacklin Sun 06-Mar-16 21:17:24

If you have a son, not daughter, why are you even invested in this?

And I really hope no other parents from your school see this thread, there can't be many other schools with this situation, also worth an imminent school trip.

SingingSands Sun 06-Mar-16 21:17:35

Did you post about this earlier in the week?
Why do you want to know the logistics if 'Jenny' is neither your child, or sharing with your child?
Are you implying Jenny is a threat?
So many questions are arising from your post, I'm intrigued.

TurtlesNSharks Sun 06-Mar-16 21:17:37

I wouldn't have an issue with my DS at 24, sharing with a friend, no...

TurtlesNSharks Sun 06-Mar-16 21:17:45


VertigoNun Sun 06-Mar-16 21:17:59

You are not the parent of tge girls so I would leave it.

If one of the girls was my dd, I would be concerned if Jenny was lesbian due to pregnancy fears.

Ticktacktock Sun 06-Mar-16 21:18:00

If Jenny has a fully functioning penis then i would say she cannot sleep in dorms with girls with vaginas. But I'm sure Jenny won't want to sleep in a dorm with boys either.

Really tricky, but no as the mum of a girl I wouldn't want her in the same dorm as Jenny.

phequer Sun 06-Mar-16 21:18:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fluffy24 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:18:23

I could be way off the mark here but what do the kids think? If your DD, who knows Jenny, isn't bothered about it I don't think I would be either.

I think that being anatomically correct isn't necessarily the point. When I was her age I went away in school trips where we had separate dorms and I still recollect plenty of opportunities for intimate one-to-one time with the opposite sex (and conversely I think that it would have been no 'worse' if we'd been sharing dorms because of having several people there iyswim).

theycallmemellojello Sun 06-Mar-16 21:18:37

I don't see why your worried - your son isn't going to be affected by this girl sleeping with her friends? It surely depends on whether the girls themselves are happy with it - if they're friends presumably they are. This is a sensitive subject and needs to be handled on a case by case basis, which it seems the school are doing - not making the child use the boys loos (which would make her uncomfortable) or the girls' (which might make some other girls u comfortable) but not making it into a big deal when her girl friends are happy to share a room with her. I can't see why you feel the need to get involved, other than prurience and, yes, bigotry.

The simple answer is that there isn't a way of voicing it without being labelled a transphobic bigot. Anyone who doesn't blindly follow the trans agenda of "if he says he's a woman, he IS a woman" is labelled a transphobic bigot because transactivists don't have any strong arguments - they resort to name-calling straight away.

I wouldn't be happy about the situation at all. If the individual has a penis, they should be in with other be-penised individuals.

anotherbusymum14 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:20:04

I am guessing if any one has a concern about it it's those who have daughters, and only because potentially their daughters may be sleeping and changing next to a teen who is anatomically male, but now female. I would guess as you have a son it probably shouldn't be a concern. I am sure the school's thought all this through by now, and the teen "Jenny" (who is M-F) prob wants privacy from the anatomical girls, possibly anyway. So they must have something organized for this. Interesting.

Fluffy24 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:20:39

Sorry I just realised you have a DS not a DD - should have read it better. I think that's even less likely to be your problem surely? What's the issue?

Ticktacktock Sun 06-Mar-16 21:21:37

Just noticed you have a son not a daughter. It won't affect your ds will it? I would leave it if it wouldn't directly involve me.

VioletVaccine Sun 06-Mar-16 21:22:09

If one of the girls was my dd, I would be concerned if Jenny was lesbian due to pregnancy fears.

This is an issue, yes. Not for my DC, obviously as a boy. Is it really wrong to worry about the potential for significant trouble?

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Mar-16 21:22:37

You could always put your hand up at the pre-trip meeting and ask.

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