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to say no this holiday

(26 Posts)
girlsmum1510 Sun 06-Mar-16 20:32:47

Ex dh had declared earlier this year that he is no longer ever having the children in any school holidays! His decision, unilaterally decided, I have no say.

Today he tells the children of a holiday he is taking them on at Christmas. But no other support or help throughout the other twelve weeks they are off.
Why is Xmas different, it's a school holiday. As far as I'm concerned it's no school holidays, ever as he put in writing, and that's that. Contact should continue at the pathetic two nights a month regardless of what date it is. You can't pick and choose when it suits.

AIBU to say no?

expatinscotland Sun 06-Mar-16 20:36:27

Say no and take him to court.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 06-Mar-16 20:37:12

Ummmm.... No! Tell him to fuck right off, have something properly drawn up so he can't just forgo parental responsibilities when he wants and then kick him up the arse.

What a dick.

MrsRaegan Sun 06-Mar-16 20:51:17

I'd be telling him to fuck right off. Cheeky entitled twat.

What do the DC say?

icelollycraving Sun 06-Mar-16 20:54:40

The problem will be that I assume the DC will want to go & you will be painted as the one keeping them apart. Either way,stressful.

BlueJug Sun 06-Mar-16 20:59:14

How old are the children? Would they enjoy the holiday? Is it a ski-ing trip or a Caribbean sun holiday? Something they'd love or just a couple of dull weeks somewhere that could easily be rearranged?

Do/would the children like to go?

I imagine it would be a chance for him to really spend proper time with them and for all to have a great time. Odd days in the school holidays if you are non-resident are hard to deal with as it involves ad-hoc child care, odd days of annual leave and a sense of time filling.

You may not love your ex H but this might be wonderful for your kids and you owe them that. So - unless there are good reasons why it would be bad for them it makes sense to say yes.

littleleftie Sun 06-Mar-16 21:02:47

Was he emotionally abusive?

If you grin and say "great, I can go on a Caribbean cruise with that fab man I just met" will he change his mind?

I am wondering if he has done this deliberately just to wind you up?

If not, then it depends on age of DC and what they want really....

TheFormidableMrsC Sun 06-Mar-16 21:29:15

No, tell him to fuck off. Who the hell do these dickheads think they are dictating how and when, offering no support, doing nothing, flitting in and out when it suits. It's a no from me.

ToadsforJustice Sun 06-Mar-16 21:34:30

Tell him to fuck off. He's probably lying anyway to impress DC. Something will "come up" and the holiday will be cancelled. Twat. YANBU.

Zampa Sun 06-Mar-16 21:36:15

He sounds like a cock but think Bluejug is right

girlsmum1510 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:39:30

We have a court order, he refuses point blank to follow.

Hasn't done a summer holiday in years, his choice, has not input in any other area, his choice.

Very stressful, the dc actually understand me saying no. They would love to see more of him (court ordered double what he does) but he refuses. I've been bullied and manipulated for years, this time I've had enough.

No holidays means no holidays? That's what he wrote 😞. Luckily I have fantastic support, the dc have great schools and good support.

girlsmum1510 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:42:39

Blujug does that just not teach them that we do whatever he says whenever, regardless of the financial implications it has for me paying for childcare? Regardless that he can just walk away when it suits, that when he says something it has no consequences? What morality and honesty am I then teaching them?

Hard 😞

TheFormidableMrsC Sun 06-Mar-16 21:43:48

Jesus Christ OP, I'd be straight back to court about this. He either does or he doesn't and he can't just flout an order because he feels like it. I feel so sorry for your DC's, they deserve so much better, thank goodness they have you flowers

fastdaytears Sun 06-Mar-16 21:46:23

It is hard of course, but I'm not sure what stopping him taking them will achieve, if you're even able to do that. I can see that none of it seems fair though.

Will going on this holiday make him realise he wants to spend more time with the DC?

How old are the DC?

Duckdeamon Sun 06-Mar-16 21:49:04


girlsmum1510 Sun 06-Mar-16 21:57:00

No, be took them away this last Christmas, I think outside influences play a part.
He seems to think because I have a residence order (mentions it a lot) that that means he can just walk in and out when it suits.

Do you think going back to court will achieve anything? Although I think that's what's needed? I'm not scared, the children would tell a caffcass officer they wanted more. I just don't see him agreeing.
He punishes me for moving on through the dc. He even told me he would right at the start of our divorce. I have a residence order for good reasons!! Emotionally abusive is one way of describing him, to me and the dc.

Everytime I achieve something he punishes the children. Last year I moved in with my partner, and days he wouldn't have the dc for summer holidays as it was too disruptive 😞. The same week I moved. So sad for the children that just want their dad to want them.

fastdaytears Sun 06-Mar-16 22:08:27

Do you think going back to court will achieve anything?

I can't see how. The court can't make him spend time with his children, but equally aren't going to say that this holiday is conditional on that.

He sounds awful sad

lunar1 Sun 06-Mar-16 22:13:28

Someone who sees there children two nights a month doesn't get them Christmas.

MrsWigster1991 Sun 06-Mar-16 22:15:49

Tell him to do one.

BirthdayBetty Sun 06-Mar-16 22:20:03

He can fuck right off angry

fastdaytears Sun 06-Mar-16 22:21:39

Wait is it actually Christmas Day? I assumed you meant a bit of the Christmas holidays?

gentlydownthestreammm Sun 06-Mar-16 22:47:54

Very difficult. It's completely unfair to you that he'd absolve himself of any responsibility to look after them in school holidays, then insist on having them at Xmas. But, would the DCs want to go? Would they be likely to have a good time?

Does he have them at all, like at weekends? Does he pay proper maintenance?

TheSinkingFeeling Sun 06-Mar-16 23:15:26

Another vote to tell him to fuck right off

girlsmum1510 Mon 07-Mar-16 07:47:04

I took him back to court five years ago but the last two years he has again refused to comply to the order, for the happiness of the dc I've just agreed all his demands
The maintenance - well at them moment is being paid, but we have had attachment of earnings orders so you can see is far from easy. Lies to the csa etc.

Everytime i move on a touch more he withdraws from the dc, despite having a new family himself. He wants to punish me and make me pay for childcare despite the obvious effect this has on his dc.
I have said no to the holiday, his words in writing were no holidays ever, so unless that changes and he picks up some other times in holidays I will take that literally. It's not fair to have him and out when he chooses with little regard to their well being, he told me yesterday he wants emotional stability for them, not sure how this creates that 😐

girlsmum1510 Mon 07-Mar-16 07:50:33

gentlydownthestream it is his Xmas which of course I will not withhold, but he wants to have them a few days early to take away, and yet du no other school holidays, leaving all responsibility to me.

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