I know people are sick of this already, but am I?

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

It's Mother's Day. Obviously, there are probably a ton of threads already like this, and I'm really not a grabby person (honest!) so never thought I'd start one, but..

We don't 'do' Valentine's Day. We don't buy each other Christmas presents, just get stuff for others and for the kids. We don't 'do' our wedding anniversary. We don't buy each other Easter eggs... We didn't even give each other birthday presents last year. This is all suggested by him. And I'm bothered a bit because it's nice to celebrate things, but on all those occasions I agreed because it's not worth an argument and while it 'bothers' me... I'm not upset about it.

But right now, all I am is a mother. I feel like it's all I do. I'm not working, my youngest DD is so challenging and day in day out is battles with her, toddler group and two school runs.

He didn't suggest lunch or anything so I arranged lunch with both of our mothers.

This morning I woke up (DD was in my bed so very early!)... And made an effort to stay there for a bit in case of breakfast / a card / something coming my way!

But nothing.

So I went downstairs and the living room is a huge mess from last night when we had people over. I went to bed before him because I was knackered, and if it was me, I would've made the effort to tidy up or at least take glasses and stuff to the kitchen.

So I've tidied everything, older DD has given me a card she made at school, and that's lovely. But I'm a bit annoyed if I'm honest.

We have a cinematic light box thing on the side in our house, and yesterday was the dogs birthday and we wrote happy birthday in it for him.. (That makes me sound a bit weird but my DD loves it).. And my oldest DD said 'tomorrow we can have I love you mummy!' and I said that was sweet. So that was a gift wrapped idea for him but he didn't even do that... And that's free!!!

I'm being unreasonable, I know. I just wanted Some kind of acknowledgment. Sorry, I just needed to vent. I'm pissed off, there, I said it

[Patapouf]

MD is for DCs to do something, you aren't your DHs mum. MD is bollocks anyway.

You can't expect him to be a mind reader, if you wanted him to do something, you should have made it clear. Logically, if you don't even do birthdays I can't see how he'd think MD required a gift etc.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Not celebrating anything? - that sounds so miserable.

However, as you dont, he's just doing the accepted thing.

I'd hate it.

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

I don't blame you for being annoyed. Your dp sounds a right misery. Do you ever buy each other things or do things for each other?

We ve never really done much in the way of presents for each other for birthdays etc but we ll go out or have a take away or something.
I don't think it's about gifts necessarily but his attitude towards you.
If I was you, I'd start doing things for myself with your dds. Do the 'I love mummy' message.
Go out with them and let then buy you flowers or make you a cake or something. Let them know it's a day worth marking.
And let your dp know that you don't like this set up.

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

He was sitting next to us when DD & I were talking about the light box.

And if my kids are 2 & 5 doesn't their parent usually help them do something? I do for Father's Day.

[Nospringflower]

I want a light up box! What is it?!

[whatdoIget]

He sounds a bit of a miserable can't be bothered type? He's not the op's child but surely part of being a parent is to teach your own children how to celebrate other people's birthdays etc and to enjoy giving presents, and part of that should include Mother's Day and Father's Day for the other parent?

[Nospringflower]

I also don't agree with not giving presents / celebrating all these events. What is life for except to celebrate good things that happen?

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

YANBU OP.
Tell me more of this light box please...?

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

Nospringflower - this completely outs me because of my dogs name, but it's this...

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

It's not on in that picture though... I'll find an on picture...

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

Change the message!

[RhiWrites]

Look you are upset by it so tell him you want a change. Say you'd like to exchange presents on birthdays,Christmas, Father's Day and Mother's Day and at Easter.

You tried it his way and you don't like it. So try it the other way. He might be surprised to find he likes it.

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

I want one! That is brilliant! But totally agree it should have I love you mummy or some such in it

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

I feel a bit sad changing it myself... Like writing in my own card

Unless you mean change it to 'thanks for nothing' or 'fuck you DH?'

[LagunaBubbles]

What do you mean you agreed not to celebrate birthdays, anniversarys etc as "it's not worth an argument"? That doesn't sound good..

[expatinscotland]

Miserable git. We do all these days and we are a family who has lost a child. I couldn't be with someone like that. He'd have to buck up.

[Elledouble]

Is it big enough to put "IT'S FUCKING MOTHER'S DAY" for a bit of PA point-making?

[PinotAndPlaydough]

I get where your coming from, my husband doesn't really get Mother's Day. However it is important to me, I've been a sahm for 4.5 years now, it's my job and I don't really get (or expect) any appreciation for it. I explained to my husband that when he goes to work he gets throngs like a bonus to say well done for the hard work, or a staff meal at Christmas or even a review where his hard work is praised, this is the one day of the year when I get something back.

My girls are 4 and 2 so can't really do too much, as my husband doesn't really get it I just explain what I would like, a lie in, a token gift and little hand made card.
I think you just need to be explicit with him and tell him what you want or you'll just end up feeling pissed off because he hasn't managed to guess.

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

Sadly it wouldn't fit!

[TarotCurious]

Where did you get the box?!
misses point of thread completely

[Kr1stina]

I think the OP has already said that she would like to celebrate but her husband won't do it and it's not worth the argument . So it's not as simple as just telling him she wants to change it

[bakingaddict]

Sounds a tight bastard to me all this we don't do birthdays, Christmas presents, Valentine's seems like a convenient excuse to not spend any money on you. Even if you don't go in for presents at least he could have organised a nice breakfast or lunch just to show some thought

[VashtaNerada]

YANBU. It's absolutely fine for couples to ignore Valentines Day / Mothers Day / etc as long as they both think it's stupid, but if one person cares about it then the other one really ought to do something. Particularly if you're working bloody hard as a mum, it deserves some recognition!

[NashvilleQueen]

Not on the high street do them. Or Amazon. Sorry OP.

[Kr1stina]

Mary - do you think it's about money or something else like he CBA? Is he so joyless about everything else ?

What happened when he was a child - are his parents and siblings like this ? was it like this before you had kids ?

I think it's not uncommon to not buy big gifts if money is tight . But breakfast in bed, a homemade card, making a fuss at lunch , some inexpemive chocolate and flowers could be done for a couple of pounds .