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to think its actually ok to be pissed off at having a shit Mothers Day?

(141 Posts)
Bogeyface Sun 06-Mar-16 02:31:58

All these posts about "entitled" women wanting diamonds and generally taking the piss are really horrible and not really what MN is about surely?

Its ok to be disappointed you know!

There will be some women who go over and above for their families and no one acknowledges that. A card, a few flowers, is that really too much to ask?

No my husband is not my child, but I am the mother of his children and its not too much to expect him to help them, remind them and encourage them. Kids, especially teens, are notoriously self centered so saying "They are old enough to do it themselves" is true in theory but not in practice. A reminder of "Dont forget its Mothers Day on Sunday, have you made mum a card yet?" is all it takes.

And sometimes being ignored on Mothers Day hurts because it is just another little straw on the camels back.

Frankly I think its disgusting that people find it entertaining to take the piss out of women who are feeling low, unloved and not cared for. Sure its become a Hallmark Holiday but that doesnt negate the feelings of a woman who wakes up tomorrow to just another day with a husband who doesnt think that her efforts as a mother justify recognition so buys his own mother a bouquet but doesnt help his kids do anything for their mother.

JoandMax Sun 06-Mar-16 02:39:31

Completely agree with you! In 99% of cases it's not even really about Mothers Day, it's long term feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled or unhappy and we should be supporting these women not ridiculing.......

SoThatHappened Sun 06-Mar-16 02:42:04

My mum has already warmed up for the "shit mothers day" she is going to have this year.

Last year I spent about £80 on her through presents, flowers, tea out, handmade card with crystals on it. She remembers it slightly different.

This year she hasnt been nice to me and so she's not even getting a card. I think that is fair dos.

If the husband does nothing to help his kids do something nice for their own mother then that's a relationship issue.

If your kids are teens dont place the fault with DH. I didnt have to be reminded at that age.

Bogeyface Sun 06-Mar-16 02:42:51

Jo yes it often is just a symptom of other issues, and yet by taking the piss those women many not post for support about those other issues, and who could blame them?

daisychain01 Sun 06-Mar-16 02:44:16

I hear what you're saying Bogey but isnt the reality that the things you describe about how women are treated just get magnified at times like Valentines Day, MD, etc because of the expectation setting. If it's crap the rest of the year, then those Speshul days are only going to feel worse.

I do agree people shouldn't come on here and give folk a hard time if they are feeling sad about things, they should be prepared to give constructive support, but at the same time why come on here and say how rubbish things are when the fact is, MD just makes the shit feel even more shit. It is kinda exposing oneself to rather unempathetic people I'm afraid to say.

Most men don't give a shiny shit about MD so expecting it to change is like farting against thunder right? flowers

Bogeyface Sun 06-Mar-16 02:45:21

If the husband does nothing to help his kids do something nice for their own mother then that's a relationship issue.

Yes, but often posting about a shit mothers day (or birthday/Xmas) can be what opens her eyes. I have seen it many times where an ignored "big" day thread ends up with the OP seeing that she has been treated terribly for a long time and was a frog in a pot until that thread opened her eyes. By ridiculing, those women dont get the support to see what is really happening to them.

A shit Mothers Day is often a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Woodenmouse Sun 06-Mar-16 02:46:56

Dh has already told me he forgot to buy anything for me (ds is 2.5). I sent his mum flowers and a card so he didn't just forget me!

Bogeyface Sun 06-Mar-16 02:48:18

It is kinda exposing oneself to rather unempathetic people I'm afraid to say.

I agree, it is. But the problem is not fault of the unhappy woman, but the unempathetic posters who just see it is an opportunity to have a gleeful piss take, instead of asking if there is more to this than just no card on Mothers Day.

The men who dont give shit about MD are the ones who will throw the biggest strop if they dont get suitable adulation on FD, so I dont buy that theory that "most" men dont give a shit at all. Just the selfish ones.

SoThatHappened Sun 06-Mar-16 02:59:05

A shit Mothers Day is often a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Is it really something to get worked up about? People are different.

When I was at Uni I went on an activity weekend away with some students from my sports club. We all did an extreme sport. Awesome weekend. Away on Friday morning, back on Sunday night by about 6-7pm. All arranged weeks in advance.

Come the week leading up to the trip, my mum reminded me it was mothers day on the Sunday. I said yeah I know. She was incensed that I dare go away over mothers day even though I'd be back in time to give her card, present, dinner, drink, what not, on the Sunday night.

There was little point me coming back anyway as she threw a strop with me when I got home, muttering about a shit mothers day even though my sister, her other daughter, was there and gave her a card and my card and my flowers and spent the day with her and now we could have an evening drink all together. No. She ruined the evening with her foul mood over me daring to not spend the whole day with her.

The tour leader who took us all away on the weekend was a mother too. She had an 11 yo and a 13 yo at home. Not one thought did she give to spending the whole weekend away from her DC and taking us on a surfing trip instead. Not. One. Word did she even speak of mothers day. She even dropped us all off home before going home to her own children. She must have got home after 8pm on a Sunday school night.

I dont know what to say. Relationships issues aside. Some women do act like princesses, my mother is one of them and some women arent bothered by greeting card fake days.

goldensquirrel Sun 06-Mar-16 03:08:27

I agree and I read on the other thread that if you do get some recognition tomorrow that you should take a long hard look at your relationship as it's obviously only functioning at a superficial level. Well sorry, but that's bollox and actually a bit of a cop out for a man, that in all honesty probably doesn't bother at 'any' time, let alone these dates. I know I'm being taken out for lunch as my DH suggested I get ready why he takes the DC swimming. My youngest who is only 4 has let it slip that they - her and her brother, colloborated with their Dad to create a card that I think he's produced for them using photoshop at work. He's an Architect though so he's able to do this with them without it being difficult. I don't think DH helping my DC to mark the day in this way is testiment to the cracks in our relationship and it's lack of depth- quite the opposite!

goldensquirrel Sun 06-Mar-16 03:12:07

I should that I don't 'expect' any of this but I will enjoy it tomorrow and it's so annoying to think that others suspect you're receiving that attention because you're a demanding princess that's orchestrated the whole event!

goldensquirrel Sun 06-Mar-16 03:14:15

Sorry, testament not 'testiment'.

TheFridgePickersKnickers Sun 06-Mar-16 03:15:43

I agree Bogey. Some really nasty comments nothing short of gleeful on that other thread. A real let's kick someone whilst their down pack mentality.

abbsismyhero Sun 06-Mar-16 03:18:00

your right its okay to be disappointed but the expectations are ridiculous when i was little i used to nick my mom some lilac from a tree on the way home from school (it used to hang over the path) simply because she liked the smell of lilac on mothers day we would go to church and they would give us little posys of flowers to take home to our mom these days people complain if they don't get a lie in breakfast in bed spa days etc etc its too much

i remember one year i saw a mug it had a nice message on it for mother's day my ex said he would buy it for me (it was a couple of quid from tesco) he ended up "forgetting" then bitching it was supposed to be a surprise then going ballistic about how demanding i was because it was out of stock the day he wanted to buy it (the day before mother's day) he dragged me around the shops on mother's day trying to get me something and complaining to everyone how demanding i was and how difficult to please i am how hard he tries etc etc the mug was £2.99 i would have been happy with that i honestly didn't cause a fuss about it just when it got closer to mother's day and he mentioned buying me chocolate i simply said i thought i was getting the mug? hence the blow up fathers day comes and a dad version of the mug shows up in tesco he sees it and grabs it to make sure he gets something then asks for a £40 game then wants something else then tells everyone he has to choose his own gift because ive not sorted out a surprise for him........but if i complained about it? im the one made out to be unreasonable to this day his family moan im the difficult one they simply refuse to see him as controlling and abusive its perfectly normal for people to refuse to let their partner go shopping alone then moan they have no surprises apparently hmm

mother's day sucks when expectations lead to arguments

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Sun 06-Mar-16 03:20:12

I wouldn't dream of taking the piss out of someone who sets store by these "days".

But I would rather have a few stalks of cowparsley in May because "they looked pretty and I thought you'd like them".

Or a box of chocolates in October because "I really appreciate your support when things are tough"

Than the duty accolades with no sincerity, for Mother's Day or Valentine's Day.

Half a dozen gerberas today is not going to compensate for the
fact that you stropped about unloading the dishwasher the day before yesterday grin

RudeElf Sun 06-Mar-16 03:21:46

My mum used to sulk on mothers day. Whatever we got wasnt right or my dad hadnt been interested enough in her or whatever. She completely ruined the day for everyone every year. We all fucking hated mothers' day.

Mn threads on mothers day make me glad i'm single (how fucked up is that) no-one to forget to remember. Kids forget because theyre kids and no grudges are held. Its just another day here and i'm happy with that.

8FencingWire Sun 06-Mar-16 05:24:30

We celebrate 8th of March, which is the International Women's day. It's like mother's day, daughter's day, women's day all rolled into onesmile
So DD and I do something nice together. Usually we celebrate with other women in our lives. We don't do cards, but we certainly do flowers!

muddymary Sun 06-Mar-16 05:56:08

Couldn't agree more with you smile

Katenka Sun 06-Mar-16 05:58:33

It's a middle ground. I haven't read 'the other thread'.

I think if Mother's Day is completely ignored, it can be hurtful. However some of the expectations on threads are unbelievable.

I remember one woman who complained her pancakes weren't quite right, the flowers weren't really big enough and not enough effort had gone into the home made card.

eatingworms Sun 06-Mar-16 06:29:43

Yanbu Op.
For me mother's day is all about getting a lie in! Its the one day that there is no 5am discussion about whose turn it is to get up with the kids- DH just gets up and sneaks out quietly, and then I'll probably get a cuppa in bed later.
Probably a card too and some flowers.Nothing extravagant, but if I didn't get the lie in I'd be gutted actually! It's the one thing I would be precious about and I'm not the precious sort.
I'm glad I don't have to remind DH, I think it shows he cares.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 06-Mar-16 06:32:44

Agree entirely with you Bogey.

And yes, it would be nice if people remembered to do occasional nice things throughout the year without the "Hallmark Day" to remind them; but lots of people don't bother their arses, so having the "Hallmark Day" at least gives them an opportunity to go "oh yes, I should do something nice for my wife/mother/husband/father on this day". If they don't bother even then, then that's just that bit more shit than not bothering any other day of the year, because in most cases they've actively ignored all the fuck-off big signs on the tv and in the shops proclaiming the coming of said "Hallmark Day", rather than just "forgotten".

If you don't like cards yourself, or don't care about the days, or don't need or want recognition or presents - then that's fine for you - but doesn't mean everyone else should fall in with your low requirements.

But nitpicking about how good/bad/expensive the presents are is a bit off unless they're really inappropriate and show no thought/care at all - e.g. flowers for a hayfever sufferer, chocolates for a diabetic, wine for a recovering alcoholic, that sort of thing.

SoupDragon Sun 06-Mar-16 06:51:45

Personally I would rather be treated with respect for 356/6 days than showered with tat on 1.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 06-Mar-16 06:54:05

As a mother, I'm not too bothered about a fuss. Dd are 2 and 4 and tell me they love me all the time. That is enough for me. I imagibe it'll be different as they get older. Dh has been doing a lot more for me recently as I've had an operation. But even normally he buys me flowers once or twice a month.

Savagebeauty Sun 06-Mar-16 06:57:39

Totally agree soupdragon

eatingworms Sun 06-Mar-16 07:00:31

But what about the lie in soup what about the lie in! Worth it's weight in gold LOL! 😄

Our kids are still young so lie ins are really rare. We take turns as much as possible but it's so nice to have one guaranteed!

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