I can't stand play fighting and superheroes

(53 Posts)
mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:16:38

I am prepared to be told I am being uptight and pfb on this one, I may also be extra irritable from sleep deprivation I definitely am but it might not be relevant to this

Anyway almost 4yo has no superhero merchandise and not much knowledge of them but all his little boy pals at preschool seem batman crazy and I know he can't understand the difference between pretend fighting and generally whacking one another hmm though perhaps some of the others do. A friend came round for a play date with figurines for fighting and costumes. I am just not comfortable with it, though I know it's common. I am also very aware of the positives of play fighting but don't think that refers to preschoolers who don't always know the limits. Plus I hate having to get over involved and micromanage behaviour but I did and was a bit of a dragon tbh Other mum said nothing and her ds spat at mine who then followed suit blush and later I felt annoyed that I had been cross with him when nothing was sad to his friend. Aibu and precious or how do people deal with this?

19lottie82 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:19:29

You are being precious, sorry.
Little boys LOVE this kind of stuff, and thinking / hoping you can shield it from him when you have admitted all his friends are crazy for it, is unrealistic.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Mar-16 21:19:45

I used to play fight with all 3 of my DC, so they were well aware of the difference between real fighting and playing.

If either my DC or their friends spat in front of me I would have given them hell for it.

Waypasttethersend Sat 05-Mar-16 21:20:51

I hate it, mother of 3 girls who don't really play fight real fight occasionally and at parties when boys and other girls go at each other I CANNOT stand it. And as for "oh that's boys for you". Nope. Why can't they be taught battering each other and rolling around on the floor trying to hurt each other isn't fun?!

And as for spitting shock even "play" fighting doesn't cover that, yuk!

YANBU it's not necessary but I'm prepared to be told I just don't get boys.

EatShitDerek Sat 05-Mar-16 21:20:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:25:40

I did give hell for the spitting but he was spat at first.
I suppose I find it difficult that for the last few years I have told him it's not ok to hit-had a real problem with that around 2.5yo-and then the superheroes are whooping ass big time hmm.

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Mar-16 21:26:16

And as for "oh that's boys for you". Nope. Why can't they be taught battering each other and rolling around on the floor trying to hurt each other isn't fun?!

It's not only boys who playfight.

Playfighting doesn't involve actually trying to hurt each other - it's play fighting and it is fun...or at least it is when the kids have been taught to do it properly.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 05-Mar-16 21:26:39

Mum of 3 boys here, all adult now, da3 is 16.

Huge fans of superheroes, wrestling, power rangers , etc when younger.

They are gentle, placid, kind and all round good eggs as adults, play fighting didn't cause much grief.

Relax about it, all will be well.

UmbongoUnchained Sat 05-Mar-16 21:29:23

And here's me desperately trying to get my pink fluffy princess to watch iron man with me!

Waypasttethersend Sat 05-Mar-16 21:32:57

I think it's a separate thing though, I love the avengers films, Iron Man is amazing, we do run around with the girls playing pirates and tickle fights, all that is fine.

It's the dragging each other around by the collar, sitting and squashing each other until they are red in the face, great gang of lads punching and kicking for "fun" that I can't stand!

mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:33:43

That's it worra, he doesn't know how to do it.. I just see it as unnecessary violence for smal children! (Aware that sounds v precious but that's how I am)

Terribleknitter Sat 05-Mar-16 21:37:29

2 of my 3 are marvel and DC mad and all 3 of them are capable of play fighting without it turning into a brawl.
2 of the children are girls by the way smile
I'm also a nursery nurse and spent a long time observing the nursery policy of no toy guns in any form on site and absolutely no play fighting. It didn't work, children would make toy guns out of sticks them when we stopped them would use their fingers! Play fighting in some form would happen too - if not among themselves with the toys they were playing with. Happy Street wrestling anyone? grin
I'm convinced that small children are preprogrammed to use some kind of play fighting to explore their boundaries in a way, if it's supervised properly and limits/boundaries are worked out and stuck to its a fairly harmless way of letting off steam group play. Spitting would have them on the thinking chair though!
Personally I think you're being a little pfb however it's horses for courses isn't it? You don't like it and don't have to encourage it.

UmbongoUnchained Sat 05-Mar-16 21:38:48

I don't think I have a single memory of me and my brother where weren't trying to kill eachother.
We get on great now though!

RubbleBubble00 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:39:11

Play fighting is banned in my house because someone always ended up getting hurt.

Love super hero's, youngest ds is 2.10 and loves batman. Older ds went through batman, not really fussed on spiderman. Lego superheros are quite fun and nice gentle intro

ThreadyPants Sat 05-Mar-16 21:41:03

Oh it's my daughter who is ninja, Star Wars, dragons, fighting and battle obsessed. It's gone on for a couple of years now, straight after my little pony died off for her.

No idea where she picked it up from. Had to be school. I don't like the sword battling at home with her sibling, I'm sure it will wear off.

Secretly chuffed to bits she's a strong, independent-thinking little thing.

Piratepete1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:42:38

I'm with you OP. I don't allow any kind of fighting, play or otherwise in the house. Neither of my children have ever watched a superhero movie. There are lots out there without the fighting so why confuse them? - forbidding it in real life but condoning watching it?

WorraLiberty Sat 05-Mar-16 21:42:49

Perhaps you could teach him?

Or send him to Aunty Worra grin

mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:46:02

Hmmm.. think I will have to help work out limits etc so.. I can just see him walloping someone and saying 'I was only pretending'! I hate hearing them say 'Kill, kill', when I literally dont hurt a fly.. The whole play date was a complete stressful disaster and there's another friend due next week shock.

Getyercoat Sat 05-Mar-16 21:47:19

We don't do play fighting here either.

BunnyTyler Sat 05-Mar-16 21:50:06

It's all part of being little and growing up (boys and girls).

Play fighting is important because it encourages the children to find out for themselves what boundaries & limits they have.
For eg if you get hit with a stick, you'll know that it hurts, hence any future 'sword' fighting with sticks is going to be self regulated.

Banning play fighting and super heroes is completely pfb and very overly molly-coddling I'm afraid.
(Sorry!)

Jesabel Sat 05-Mar-16 21:50:26

They won't magically learn the limits without being taught/shown. Play fighting is fine but if it's "pretending" then you don't actually hit and no one gets hurt.

mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:51:49

My own DM didn't allow guns, even water guns, in our house and while I could see no harm in them at the time, I completely get it now. I know they will use sticks and fingers but at least I don't feel I have encouraged it. Really if he was a few years older and understood it and the limits I wouldn't be as bothered.

mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:54:40

I even told him that his Lego Jake the pirate's sword was for cutting down trees on the island grinblush

mikado1 Sat 05-Mar-16 21:56:28

Umbongo we were the same -it definitely wasn't play fighting though, don't know how I survived the WWF moves!

livingthegoodlife Sat 05-Mar-16 21:57:43

im with you.

I hate all the superhero stuff and any kind of violent themed toy (son just got given a dinosaur that has a gun type thing on its back.... not v happy about that).

My son is also 4. In my opinion all this batman stuff etc is aimed at much older children, say 10 years old+? I just dont think it is suitable for pre-schoolers at all. You wouldn't let him actually watch any of the films would you? so i dont get why people encourage their kids to mimic it in play or let them have the merchandise.

My children are encouraged to be little children, and have hundreds of toys that are suitable for their ages without needing these sorts of toys.

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