To be a bit fed up with my friend?

[QuestionableMouse]

I'm always the one who suggests things to do- like going out for a coffee. I feel like I'm the one driving the friendship- if I left it up to her, we'd never see each other.

We're going on holiday for a couple of days. I text her this morning to see if she'd booked her hotel room (hotel only does double rooms and we agreed that we'd each pay for one). She answered me to say she'd do it in a 'few days' which is par the course for her. What she means is she'll leave it to the last minute and hope for the best. Same with getting time off work for said trip- she hasn't booked any holidays but is going to 'try to swap shifts before we go.' So now I'm going to be slightly worried that she either won't be able to book the hotel room or won't be able to swap shifts.

I'm just frustrated by it all- I wish she'd have a bit more initiative! AIBU?

[OurBlanche]

No, NU at all. It is fine for her to be so 'on the edge' but it really isn't fair/nice/considerate of her to visit that on anyone else.

If I were you I'd start looking at all the great stuff you could do without her. Stop contacting her/reminding her. Pack books, music, knitting, whatever and enjoy your break.

[JanetOfTheApes]

She's just not that into you, I'm afraid. Doesn't make her a bad person, but sometimes one side of a relationship is more invested than the other, and that goes for friends to.
You can decide whether you're ok with it or whether you'd like to dial back your involvement, either of which is reasonable.

[QuestionableMouse]

Honestly don't think it is that. We've been friends for 15+ years and she's always been quite a wishy-washy person. She's quite lacking in confidence and I think a lot of it comes from that. She's also quite tight and dislikes spending money!

[RichardLawton]

Of course it's perfectly understandable for you to feel annoyed and frustrated. if she cannot or will not change, then it's up to you to decide whether the friendship is worth it. Same goes for any relationship: we try to negotiate something that works for both parties. If we can then all's well, If we can't, we should walk away.

[ScarletForYa]

if I left it up to her, we'd never see each other

Well there's your answer, why pursue it?

She's obviously not bothered.

[allowlsthinkalot]

Perhaps it is a confidence issue. I find it hard to initiate meet ups with friends because I feel they might not want to do things with me and feel pressured into it.

Having said that, I don't mess people around if they initiate things.

[DrAmandaBentley]

I have a friend like this, she is very anxious and finds it difficult to try new things, if she ever does. Not only that, but she is perpetually broke (she says). Over the years I've just accepted the friendship for what it is, instead of trying to force her to be outgoing. I've known her since I was 3 years old, so it's not a friendship I would simply abandon for the above reasons alone.

I visit her from time to time, sometimes she visits me and the rest of the time we talk on the phone. If I want to go out and do fun things, I go with other friends, my partner or go alone.

[QuestionableMouse]

I do think it's her confidence that's causing it because when we go out we always have a good time.

[MatildaTheCat]

I would without doubt be back to her re the hotel room. If you are going together then her lack of planning directly impacts you. Best case scenario you will be anxious until she firms up her plans and worst case she wrecks your holiday by not coming or trying to change things.

I would text or email saying you are worried and please can she confirm her plans ASAP. She has agreed to the holiday, will she be paying any losses you incur if she can't go? No, I thought not.

[QuestionableMouse]

I'm seeing her tomorrow so will get her to let me know what's going on. I suspect that she'd rather share a room so she doesn't have to spend but I'm not comfortable with that- I'm a terrible sleeper to start with and really need my own space.