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AIBU to want to keep plans as arranged (or a mardy cow)

(65 Posts)
PoppieD Sat 05-Mar-16 07:54:44

So far- pregnancy has been really hard- hyperemesis which has led to hospital admissions so friends (4 of us in loooong time 20+years) have treated me to spa day-ie
all go, they split my cost.
'Sarah' has always seen herself as queen bee and likes to be in control of things.
So as not to drip feed, she is only single with no kids so this is where I may be being unreasonable as she may not understand others logistics! Other 2 girls both have dc under 4 so planning has gone in to trip as partners work shifts and leave has had to be used which I am really grateful for. Spa is at remote country spa which can't get to on public transport. Plan was Julie picks each of us up around 10- Sarah has now sent group whatsapp about 2am saying 'ended up clubbing yayyy so we'll need to push pick up tomorrow back as I'm going to be rough haha' she doesn't drive so can't get to spa without one of us hanging back to take her. AIBU to say 'sorry plan stays same' or am I being too mardy and its really not a big deal to lose a few hours in the spa? (All in our 30s, not that should make a difference!)

Katenka Sat 05-Mar-16 07:56:36

Yanbu. Maybe she doesn't get that it's not easy for parents to change plans at last minute.

But that's no reason to go along with her.

PotteringAlong Sat 05-Mar-16 07:56:57

No, not mardy or ridiculous at all. Your friends with young children can't change their plans because of childcare. She comes or she doesn't; her choice.

Ginmakesitallok Sat 05-Mar-16 07:57:13

Plans stay the same. She knew what time you were going, I'd pretend you didn't get the text.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 05-Mar-16 07:57:38

Yep, that would piss me off too. I'd say... Ah, really don't want to lose any hours there, been so looking forward to it, well get you as agreed, and you can sleep in the car/at the spa.

Not like you're going hiking is it?!

Have fun smile

PalcumTowder Sat 05-Mar-16 07:58:29

Yanbu! People have taken time off work or arranged childcare in advance, you shouldn't have to lose time in the spa (that your friends will have paid for) just because she stayed out late.

LetTilikumGo Sat 05-Mar-16 07:59:05

YANBU. When I have a day off without the DCs I want to make the most of it and wouldn't want my time reduced at the spa because she's gone out drinking too late. I'd go ahead at 10, if she wants to still come she can recover there, it's not like going to a spa is strenuous! And if she can't get ready for 10 then tough, she can miss out.

DansonslaCapucine Sat 05-Mar-16 07:59:51

Compromise? Push back an hour?

Have a lovely day.

Muchtoomuchtodo Sat 05-Mar-16 08:00:02

She's a grown adult and able to control how much she drinks. Whether or not the rest of you have dc is irrelevant. The rest of the group should not have to change their plans because of one persons (avoidable) behaviour.

StealthPolarBear Sat 05-Mar-16 08:00:27

But if she doesn't go does that mean the rest are having to make up her share

treaclesoda Sat 05-Mar-16 08:00:39

I wouldn't change plans for her. She either drags herself out of bed and goes at the agreed plan, or she finds some other way to get there.

tappitytaptap Sat 05-Mar-16 08:00:41

Pregnant or not (and am 37 weeks so sympathise!) you shouldn't have your plans changed...its not fair on the rest of you and presumably she is an adult who knows the consequences of going to bed late...!

LindyHemming Sat 05-Mar-16 08:01:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurnOffTheTv Sat 05-Mar-16 08:02:27

No. Fucking. Way.

Shakey15000 Sat 05-Mar-16 08:02:43

I'd say, whilst inconvenient, it's not her fault as such, that she doesn't understand how everyone else has to juggle and plan. And seeing as she's contributed to the cost I'd probably accommodate but sulk a bit

That said I like the idea of suggesting she sleeps in the car

TurnOffTheTv Sat 05-Mar-16 08:07:21

It is her fault! She went out and got wankered knowing she had to be up early. Why should everyone miss out on extra hours in a spa because of her thoughtlessness?

LittleRedSparke Sat 05-Mar-16 08:07:31

Don't change everyone's day for her selfishness

MrsHathaway Sat 05-Mar-16 08:08:50

She organised it, yes, but for you. If she's that rough she might not want to leave until 2 pm or something and you'll have missed half your treat.

I think it should be different if you were the one changing the time, because it's your treat.

Perhaps text back "Don't worry, stay in bed as long as you need, and we'll see you there xxx"

BathtimeFunkster Sat 05-Mar-16 08:10:06


pollyblack Sat 05-Mar-16 08:11:28

Plan definitely stays the same, have a great day!

Fedupwithknowitalls Sat 05-Mar-16 08:11:46

Yanbu. Most people in their 30s, whether they have DC or not, have learnt that the world does not revolve around them.

PoppieD Sat 05-Mar-16 08:15:52

Thanks all- I did think was being ok just to press ahead, but do have crazy pg hormones at the moment so wasnt sure if I was being stroppy by insisting! Have sent a text saying as pp said above- 'need to stick to stick to 10, you can crash in car and don't worry if you feel sick, I've still plenty of sick bags to hand!' If don't get response will still head round and give 15mins grace waiting at pick up, but then just go! (Am usually non confrontational and would have just went with what she wanted but getting better!

BolshierAryaStark Sat 05-Mar-16 08:16:36

YANBU, she's not even asking you to push back the time-she's telling you which would piss me off no end.
Don't change your plans but do send the text telling her she can sleep in the car.

CoraPirbright Sat 05-Mar-16 08:17:39

"we'll need to push pick up" Oh will we?

Bloody cheek. And the child thing is a red herring - this is just rude and entitled. I would reply "Nope. Sorry. Still leaving at 10 as planned. Shall we still pick you up or will you make your own way there?"

strawberrychewits Sat 05-Mar-16 08:17:57

Reply saying haha you must have been totally trollied when you sent that message, who would want to miss spa time!? See you at 10, don't worry we will let you sleep it off in the car

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