Without going into massive detail I went out with two friends today both of whom have recently broken up with their girlfriends. It was for a short while after work, just to cheer them up and catch up a little bit.
To make things slightly complicated, I have a bit of a history with both of them. One of them is a very close friend who confessed his feelings for me last year. I didn't return the feelings then and I said no. We have continued to be friends (with a few bumps along the road) and just as luck would have it, recently I have started having very strong feelings for this guy.
The other friend, well, he's awfully attractive and charming I've always had a bit of a crush on him.
There's always a bit of banter and some harmless flirting between us, but obviously nothing serious.
I've been single for years (details on that are for another thread) and they keep asking me why.
Well, one of the reasons is that I don't want children. I might consider adoption but I've always felt that the whole biological experience is just not for me. They don't know this, but I've been sexually abused in the past and among other issues, that's manifested into a massive fear of pregnancy and childbirth.
But anyway, this considerably reduces the pool of men out there for me, since most of them want biological kids.
So
Both of them spent the evening telling me I'd change my mind, how important it was to spread your genes from an evolutionary perspective, and how I needed to "grow some balls" and stop being so afraid of something women do all the time.
They basically also said I wouldn't find anyone who was ok with adopting kids unless it was an absolute last resort.
They said they personally couldn't ever love a child that wasn't their own.
One of them confessed he'd broken up with his gf because she actually found out she can't have kids.
I have mixed feelings about the whole night.
They've kind of re-iterated my fears of never being able to find someone given my issues.
I'm also quite career obsessed, and while it's entirely possible to do both, I'm much happier keeping focus on my job. I've always been very ambitious and I want to see myself progressing in my job. I know loads of women do both, but I don't really think I want to.
I'm not entirely sure how to handle my conflicting emotions on this.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
AIBU to hope someone here can say something reassuring?
26 replies
Nicebucket · 05/03/2016 07:04
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
05/03/2016 07:18
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
LindyHemming ·
05/03/2016 08:18
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.