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To not give allowance early

(15 Posts)
Tink06 Sat 05-Mar-16 00:26:33

DSS is at uni in a big city about an hour away We are not wealthy by any means and give him an allowance. Combined with the money left from his loan its enough to buy food and basics but he always knew he would probably need a basic part time job to fund his social life there (just a few hours a week). We discussed this before he went. He is in his second year and has never even applied for one. No guarantees he would get one I know but plenty advertised ( have looked many times) and he freely admits he gets plenty of spare time. Most if his mates have them.
He keeps asking for his money early - has just asked for mid monthly instalment now, 10 days early. Aibu to say no?
Have offered to do him an online food shop to be delivered if he needs it and I know he doesn't need bus fares as can walk to uni. I feel a bit mean but I know he was out on the lash last weekend so the other part of me thinks take some responsibility plus its just getting earlier each time.

SeriousCreativeBlock Sat 05-Mar-16 00:42:53

YANBU. He needs to learn he's not going to be bailed out every month for the rest of his life and that he needs to prioritise food/bills/rent. You are being kind by offering to do a food shop for him.

Fwiw I'm a 3rd year student and I have 11.5 hours of contact time a week, and if I didn't have DD would easily be able to get a part time job and balance that with studying.

Has he tried looking for jobs in the SU?

BillSykesDog Sat 05-Mar-16 01:23:58

YANBU. He needs to learn to budget, it's a life skill. You've offered him an online shop, he won't starve.

VimFuego101 Sat 05-Mar-16 01:25:28

YANBU. His future employer is not going to give him a pay advance either.

Tink06 Sat 05-Mar-16 01:36:18

I don't think he even looks for a job to be honest. It has been a source of much conflict over the years (all through 6th form too). I just keep quiet now for the sake of my sanity.
He does do some cash in hand work when he is home through a friend but its not regular. Nothing which will provide a reference so to a future employer he will have good to the age of 22/3 without ever doing a days work.
I mainly offered the food shop as don't want him to starve. He hasn't replied so can't be that desperate.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers Sat 05-Mar-16 01:38:51

I worked 4 X per week at an insurance company in the evenings and weekends throughout university.

Needed the money and experience '

Baconyum Sat 05-Mar-16 01:42:56


I returned to uni as a mature student and it was interesting seeing which of the younger students got a job, knew how to budget etc and which didn't. Standing joke that

1st yr = brands mummy buys at home
2nd year = supermarket own brand plus a few favourites/treated
3rd year = basics, no treats!

You're also right to say he'll not be viewed well by prospective employers when he leaves if he has nothing on his CV but uni. My dd only 15 and already applying for voluntary/paid work in the area she wants to work in.

Plus as he's apparently not short of food and can walk to college. Sounds like he's actually after money for socialising. Nothing wrong with socialising but priorities, studies first and not expecting others to fund it!

IloveJudgeJudy Sat 05-Mar-16 10:38:10

YANBU. DS1 is in 2nd year at uni. He has always had a job, from when he was 13 - paper rounds, retail, hospitality, chuggingblush. In his course/uni they all had to do 80 hours of voluntary work. He thought it was to be associated/relevant to his course. No. It was so that they could all have work experience on their CVs after uni. The irony is that DS only got the voluntary place because he was already working! My point is that the uni must do this as so many students haven't ever had a job of any kind, so your DS is not alone.

Like you, we can't afford to keep DS. He needs to pay his way. I would feel the same as you if he'd asked for money when he's been out on the lash. I have no advice about getting him to see your point of view. I think he needs to grow up a bit. Good luck with convincing him. Could he not get an agency job during the holidays?

ifyoulikepinacolada Sat 05-Mar-16 10:43:33

Yanbu. I graduated six years ago and worked my whole way through uni (not before as I took an extra a level and my parents wouldn't let me!). I was partially funded by my parents and partially by my student loan, but basically I knew what I had coming in and when I wanted more money I had to go out and earn it. He needs to learn.

Savagebeauty Sat 05-Mar-16 10:49:20

Agree with the others. He must either manage his money better or get a job.

acasualobserver Sat 05-Mar-16 10:50:00

Is he asking for an advance or for extra? If it's only the former and it will not change the total amount he gets, then I'd agree. At some point he will have had all he's ever going to get - perhaps that will concentrate his mind on getting a job.

MillionToOneChances Sat 05-Mar-16 11:57:46

It's getting earlier every month. You're not helping him in the long run, he needs to learn to live within his means.

MillionToOneChances Sat 05-Mar-16 11:58:07

In other words, YANBU!

PNGirl Sat 05-Mar-16 12:12:37

YANBU. I worked from 16-19 (so GCSE year, sixth form, and first year of uni) on a Saturday in a stationery shop then in my final 2 years at uni I worked for PC World 16 hours a week. Industrial estates with big box retailers are great for students because they're open until 8pm and often need people to cover the 4pm or 5pm shift when the full-timers have gone home. I got my job when I graduated because of my work experience, not my degree.

If you feel a bit guilty about this particular occasion then maybe give it to him early, but make it clear it's the last time.

RaeSkywalker Sat 05-Mar-16 12:18:31

YANBU, he needs to learn to budget. It's one of the great things about uni for development.

I didn't work in uni term times as I had a really full-on course. I did, however, work literally every hour possible in holidays. I was exhausted by the end of each break. This meant that I had enough money to have a bit of fun in term time though. Sounds like your DSS has a bit of time to spare though, so he might as well find himself something.

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