To be pissed off with Sil using my child to make snide remarks...(12 Posts)
Sil and I get on fine (or so i thought), always polite to her, always chatting to her etc, I wouldn't say id ring her up and we go shopping or for a drink but that's as she hasn't lived in the same country as us for nearly 10 years, she's only recently moved back.
So for this reason she now sees a lot more of ds who is now 3 1/2. practically gone from skype only twice a week to seeing him 3-4 times a week plus skype still even though she's 10 mins away.
Last week Ii was out walking with ds in the park and i dropped the bag of bread for the birds, he laughed and said ha ha you've got a fatty belly. I laughed it off (my thinking if i tell him not to say something he says it more). But it continued, you've got a fatty bum, fatty belly, fatty bum blah blah, in the end I asked him where he had heard it and he said he heard his aunt say it to his dad.
I asked dp that night who went a bit silent and after a bit of prodding he said she had been talking about how much weight id put on and that he was defending me (there family is like this so its no surprise, they are all very very slim built - laugh at anyone who is different to them etc).
For what its worth I put weight on with my dd 8 years ago and lost it straight away, with ds nearly 4 years ago I had a horrible pregnancy/ birth, lost my stepmum a week after he was born, just last year cared for my nan who sadly passed away, I'm the first to admit I've put on weight as I've put everyone else before myself and stress eat which doesn't help.
I just cant help feeling really hurt by their comments and knowing they were all discussing my weight. Ive had run ins with the in laws before (they still insist if they smoke around ds it has no effect on him, plus they drink an awful lot do neither of my children have ever stayed at their house because of these 2 topics that Ii wont budge on).
Im really ready to say if they want to see them now they come here to see them, I dont like the thought of being gossip for them to chat about in front of my child who picks everything up. Aibu though for wanting to do that, dp says its impossible but I asked him would he like it if i took him to my mums every week and he came home smelling of smoke etc. He didnt reply and walked off.
They smoke around your DS? You should not let DS go to ILs house for that reason alone. Making snide comments about you to your DS (and being cowards for not saying anything to your face) just seals the deal.
I'd be furious and would not be able to stop myself saying something. People will always comment when someone's appearance change but it sounds as if she is being very disrespectful, especially making comments in front of you DS .
Sorry they dont smoke in the same room as such but its gone from all outside to smoke when he was first born to now Ill just nip upstairs to the spare room, or to the kitchen. All 3 of them smoke now. and its their whole house that smells of smoke, I dont visit them anymore but ive never stopped dp taking dd and ds who love them.
The smoking when dd was a newborn was a massive bone of contention and caused a rift, we were accused amongst other things as precious, fil in particular could see no wrong and kept saying "well I smoked by all you lot, and it did you no harm", mil too burst into the nicu reeking of smoke expecting to pick up dd anytime she liked. Luckily i was still in a daze and the nurse on charge asked her to remove her coat and wash her hands, and had a little chat with her about the dangers of 2nd hand smoke around a baby.
Its since all gone out of her head.
Got to be honest. Me and my sil do not get on. At all.
However I would NOT never do any of this to her. It's bloody awful.
"Is it my turn to talk about your body now?"
Sod the lot of 'em. YANBU OP.
They shouldn't be making personal remarks about you in front of your children - you DH needs to step up here and tell them that - and tell them how you found out.
As for the smoking - I have just watched a relative die of Pulmonary Fibrosis who had never smoked in her life - but she lived with and among smokers as a child, teenager and young adult.
I love " is it my turn to talk about my body now" I would have a field day with them all.
What pisses me off more is the fact that she did it within earshot of my dd, ok she was in a different room but as she's been bullied herself over her size (she's not fat at all, just a lot taller than other girls in her class) it just made her feel a bit upset, she only told me this week that she'd heard her saying it.
Anything said near ds is taken him and he spits it out at every opportunity hes given until he forgets, hears something else and repeats that till he's moved onto the next thing. But for dd she's old enough to understand what sil was doing. They did this last year, it was mil who started playing with ds saying he had a fat head, he in turn started repeating it in nursery and we got called aside to say that he was saying it to other children who had been a bit upset.
They laughed when I asked them to be a bit ore careful in front of him - but this is the family who thought nothing of shouting shitty arse at ds as a baby every time his nappy needed changing... Its easy to see why I dont visit anymore isn't it.
I think you need to confront your SIL about this. Comments like this are body shaming, and it's not nice to discuss around a child.
I would send her a text and said, "DS told me I was fat today. He told me that he was copying what you told DH, and he confirmed. My body is not your business. You have really upset me and you need to grow up."
If I sent something like that she'd laugh her head off and then share it with the family who would also have a good laugh.
They constantly laugh at other Sil who since getting with their son has put on around 3 stone, comments such as when she's coming down the stairs "it sounds like a heard of elephants" never to her face though, just in earshot of everyone else to get a quick giggle". I really hate going to visit them but even more so now.
I'm absolutely speechless.
YANBU. It's just awful.
I wouldn't bother trying to talk to her about it, god no, she'll make you feel even worse. Definitely talk to dh about restricting visiting though!
Just know she has major ishoos and pity her.
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