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AIBU?

To tell my dp he has put on weight?

17 replies

ampersandand · 04/03/2016 08:12

Another petty squabble this morning as dp is rushing to get ready for work and stressed about the fact that he never has anything to wear as 'all his clothes have shrunk'.

His clothes haven't shrunk though, he's just put on quite a bit of weight over the past year, and so have I, we have 2 dc under 2, the youngest being 4 weeks old. We have let things go and the weight has creeped up on both of us.

Let me stress that I am not bothered by his weight gain one bit, but I am bothered at the fact he is getting stressed with me about his clothes not fitting, almost insinuating that I'm shrinking them in the wash.

Aibu to tell him next time he has a rant that he's actually put on weight rather than his whole wardrobe has shrunk over night?

Is there actually a nice way I can do this? Weight is such a sensitive issue.

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someonestolemynick · 04/03/2016 08:22

Tell him you have been a victim of the calories:

They are small animals who sew your clothes smaller at night.

Seriously I was coming on here to say ywbu, but I think he might actually benefit from being told.

FigMango1 · 04/03/2016 08:23

Yanbu, it's just an excuse blaming the clothes 'shrinking'. It is a sensitive issue but if you can't tell him then who can?

Mabelface · 04/03/2016 08:23

He knows. Just tell him he needs to fork out for some clothes that fit.

ReasonablyIntelligent · 04/03/2016 08:24

I wouldn't wait for him to rant, if emotions are running high it wouldn't be the best time.
It sounds like something you could mention as a "we" rather than "you" to soften it slightly, if you say you feel it's both of you.

gamerchick · 04/03/2016 08:56

Whip a tape measure out and measure his waste, show him the measurement and show him the label in his trousers then tell him to do the maths.

Let him figure it out.

gamerchick · 04/03/2016 08:57

*waist even

Katenka · 04/03/2016 09:01

I wouldn't wait til a rant. I have lost a lot of weight. If dp had told me when I was upset in it would have turned into an argument.

He knows his clothes haven't shrunk. Sometimes you tell yourself what you need to, to et through the door.

I know you have a young baby. Not suggesting you diet. But why not suggest you both eat healthier?

Frame it's as 'we have been a bit unhealthy and our weight is creeping up. I think we should both try and eat better.'

Collaborate · 04/03/2016 09:42

katenka to get through the door

...or not, as the case may be.

Savagebeauty · 04/03/2016 09:44

Discuss at an appropriate time. You should be able to tell your partner he's out on weight.

GloGirl · 04/03/2016 09:45

He knows. I'd just tell him he needs to buy new clothes. 2 under 2 is really fire fighting, save the chat for when life is not so enormous.

julfin · 04/03/2016 09:53

What Katenka and Reasonably intelligent said.

Don't wait for a rant. At a relaxed moment, say that you think it would be good for both to try to eat more healthily / exercise more. Come up with a joint/family plan for healthy living. Keep it constructive and try not to be critical of yourselves / each other.

Rather than starting the conversation with "I've noticed that you...", start with "I think it would be good if we..."

It's totally natural that these situations arise particularly when there are other pressures in life - but if you tackle it together constructively it's easier to resolve. Good luck!

Danglyweed · 04/03/2016 10:00

I had the same issue with my dh, I made a few wee side comments about weight etc but he wouldn't take it in. Fortunately for me/him, someone at work told him he had put weight on. He came home that night and declared he was going on a soup diet

doughnutslikefannys · 04/03/2016 10:08

Yes, could you frame it as you've both been eating badly/not getting as much exercise, etc since the baby came along and you've been feeling sluggish. Does he fancy helping you meal plan?

I gained a lot of weight about a year into my relationship and DP brought it up but handled it really badly and it turned into a huge fight. I wish he'd approached it more tactfully.

mrsjskelton · 04/03/2016 10:11

I would address it is WE have put on weight. I'm sure he's well aware the clothes haven't shrunk which gives you an idea of how he'll react if you just tell him HE'S put on weight!

Deletetheheat · 04/03/2016 10:13

He's your husband, surely you know the best times and best ways to broach difficult subjects with him? Just tell him, kindly but honestly.

ampersandand · 04/03/2016 11:10

Thank you for all of your suggestions, I have tried the eating healthy approach, but so far we have progressed to having a side salad with every meal and cutting down on pasta. He does the cooking in the evening whilst I sort out the dc so I can't portion control either.

He must be in denial about just how much he's put on though and that surprisingly enough it will affect the size of your clothes.

You're right about picking the right moment. He's quite a sensitive person so I will have to pick my words carefully.

OP posts:

ampersandand · 04/03/2016 11:12

However it's not really about losing weight though, just getting him to realise why his clothes don't fit and that I'm not to blame for shrinking them which he sees as the only logical explanation at the moment apparently.

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