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to say no to organising a hen do for a wedding I'm not even invited to?

(73 Posts)
Carlywurly Thu 03-Mar-16 21:56:03

This is awkward. Slightly senior colleague, unaware she is very unpopular at work (mainly because she is very bossy and self obsessed) I sit near her alongside a woman who is her friend, but who is slightly socially awkward and also rubs people up the wrong way. I have to tolerate them both in a professional capacity. I'm naturally friendly so find it hard to be too chilly even though they both get on my wick.

Anyway, colleague getting married soon. Has been banging on and on about it for years. Only two people from work invited. Not me, which I'm totally fine with. Today it was suggested by the bride to her friend (who is invited) across the desks that I'd help the friend organise a work hen do for her. I totally ignored the conversation and left the room. (This will not be recognised as a hint)

The thing us, I know nobody will want to go, I don't particularly want to go either - I'm busy and I want no part in organising a hen do for a wedding I'm not even going to but I don't want to be cruel either - Aibu in saying no?

AnyFucker Thu 03-Mar-16 21:57:50

You haven't actually been asked though ?

Just keep ignoring and if you are asked directly just say you can't spare the time and that is that

cees Thu 03-Mar-16 21:59:32

Say no, just that you don't need an excuse or to explain yourself just a polite but firm no.

FuckYouJamieOliver Thu 03-Mar-16 22:00:17


bimbobaggins Thu 03-Mar-16 22:00:54

Keep ignoring and if directly asked just say no!

jeremyisahunt Thu 03-Mar-16 22:01:08

Just say that you've never done it before so don't want the responsibility

RuggerHug Thu 03-Mar-16 22:04:20

No no NO! I organised a hen for a wedding I wasn't going to. It was for one of best friends and she was getting married off foreign so only family at wedding but it was still such a pain in the hoop. Just say no, you think someone else would be better and don't be guilted. Good luck!

MissBattleaxe Thu 03-Mar-16 22:08:31

Say no, I'm not available to attend so it's best that someone who is actually going does it for you.

Carlywurly Thu 03-Mar-16 22:09:22

I'm not even a fan of hen dos. It's the organised fun factor. I think they think if I do the inviting, some of my friends will go. They won't.

Right, I'll gear myself to deal with it with a no head on. Because they don't do subtle and I know it's coming. hmm

sheffieldsteeler Thu 03-Mar-16 22:09:53

If she asks, just pull a horrified face, and say, 'God, no, not after last time...' and excuse yourself pronto.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Thu 03-Mar-16 22:10:53

Just say no.

It might be awkward for you, but since they're also awkward people, it'll even out.

honeyroar Thu 03-Mar-16 22:14:43

Be honest. Say it straight, you don't think it's fair expecting people to go to a hen night when they aren't invited to the wedding. If she's having a small wedding she should have a small hen do with those going. Otherwise people will feel insulted.

thatsn0tmyname Thu 03-Mar-16 22:16:40

What a bloody cheek (them, not you). Stand your ground and say no.

Carlywurly Thu 03-Mar-16 22:18:22

Yes Sheffield, that is perfect! I won't explain myself either, just remain enigmatic. grin

I have the support of a lovely male colleague who sits opposite me. He will play along with it.

BackforGood Thu 03-Mar-16 22:18:30

Wait until you are asked directly, and just say "No" in a fairly horrified way, followed with "Not my thing at all" (they can work out if this refers to hen dos generally, or organising staff dos or organising hen dos for wedding people aren't invited to, or just organising hers wink)

scarlets Thu 03-Mar-16 22:18:58

My hen night involved dinner and champagne x2 which was lovely and took very little organising by the 2 friends concerned. Could you agree if asked, but make it clear that you wouldn't do the L Plates, printed t shirts and photo album thing, so it'd just be a naice meal in a convenient restaurant for the women colleagues who can make it?

AliceInUnderpants Thu 03-Mar-16 22:20:20

"I'd rather shit in my hands and clap"

scarlets Thu 03-Mar-16 22:20:28

Just realised that only one of the women at work is invited to the wedding. That's weird then....

ZiggyFartdust Thu 03-Mar-16 22:22:20

Could you agree if asked, but make it clear that you wouldn't do the L Plates, printed t shirts and photo album thing, so it'd just be a naice meal in a convenient restaurant for the women colleagues who can make it?

Why on earth should she do any of that?

SaucyJack Thu 03-Mar-16 22:23:28

But this could be the perfect revenge!

Organise a surprise outing doing the one thing that's really guaranteed to piss the bride off.

Paintballing if she's in indoors type, cocktails if she's tee-total, plastic penisfest if she's posh.

ElderlyKoreanLady Thu 03-Mar-16 22:26:09

Ignore until asked. Then appear extremely confused and say "you're having an extra hen do specifically for a bunch of people you've not invited to your wedding? Am I missing something?"

Bananalanacake Thu 03-Mar-16 22:29:05

If it's not in your objectives/job description then why the hell should you?

Marzipants Thu 03-Mar-16 22:31:55

We used to have work stag/hen does before the company I work for got bought out by twats.

Isn't it just a night at the pub, maybe with a few novelty hilarious gifts, rather than a proper hen do?

Skoterloo Thu 03-Mar-16 22:33:27

Just say no, that is something I will not be able to do for xyz. Why do you need mumsnet to tell you??

badtime Thu 03-Mar-16 22:33:47

I believe the appropriate response is 'Are you on glue?'

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