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To ask if age gap friendships can work?

(67 Posts)
Borrislovesgordon Thu 03-Mar-16 20:44:52

I had DC in my early 20's and they have recently joined a lovely village school.

I'm at least ten years (if not more) younger than the other mums. Most of them are really lovely and I get on with quite a few really well but I'm not sure if a friendship will happen due to the age/class gap.

I have great friends my own age but none of them have children and would love to have a few mums to go to soft play and the park with.

Not sure how to approach this as I don't want to come off as desperate or force a friendship. Just wondering if others have found stuff in common with a significant age gap, yet become friends?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 03-Mar-16 20:47:04

Age will be no barrier when your kids are in the same year and friends. I have one school gate friend mum 11 years older, and 2 or 3 ten years younger. It's the stage of family life which is the bond not the age of the parents, I found.

cuntycowfacemonkey Thu 03-Mar-16 20:48:37

Yes of course they can one of my closest friends is 15 years older than me and we get on great.

19lottie82 Thu 03-Mar-16 20:49:55

I'm 34 and one of my best friends is 66.

simplysarcastic Thu 03-Mar-16 20:51:24

I'm 33 and my best friend is 45.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 03-Mar-16 20:52:01

I'm school gates friends with a women who is a little over half my age. We bonded over a mutual love of sarcasm and cynicism. Which is ageless!

SuperCee7 Thu 03-Mar-16 20:52:32

I've not been long in and new job and my closest friend there is 24 years older than me. She's awesome. Of course they can work if you have something in common. Your kids are an easy conversation starter and something in common.

slithytove Thu 03-Mar-16 20:53:20

I'm nearly 30 and several very good 'mum' friends are older - the closest one to me is 45.

Friends range from 22-46 all with kids the same age as mine. It's not a problem or noticeable.

dudsville Thu 03-Mar-16 20:54:04

I have a very good friend who's 24 years older than me. Like the pp, we have stuff in common. That's the basis.

MsVestibule Thu 03-Mar-16 20:57:32

Age is absolutely no barrier to forming friendships with other 'school mums'. In our 'group', we range from about 30-45. I'm one of the oldest mums in our group and it's absolutely not an issue. One of them irritates me by saying 'ooh, I was infant school then' tinkly laugh if I mention something that happened in the late 80s when I'd started work but apart from that, the 'age gap' is never even thought about.

Just chat to them at the parties and in the playground - the rest will follow.

scarlets Thu 03-Mar-16 21:00:24

I find age gaps don't matter with school gate friendships. Same with work friendships. You bond initially over the common thing, and if you like each other and have similar outlooks, it'll lead to friendship.

I made friends with my kids' friends' parents at infant school age by chatting to them at birthday parties and in the playground before and after school. Higher up at primary school, and at secondary school, it's more difficult because parents no longer stay at parties or do drop-offs and pick-ups. So, if you're keen to make friends, don't procrastinate.

WBDmadness Thu 03-Mar-16 21:02:40

Go out drinking with them - theres never an age gap when wine is involved speaking from experience

Happyrouter Thu 03-Mar-16 21:07:49

I have A very close friend who is 10 years younger and a good friend who is 10 years older. Occasionally you do notice the age gap on a practical level (diff school memories, younger friend can drink more without getting as hungover) but It doesn't negatively effective friendship and usually it's not noticeable.

Borrislovesgordon Thu 03-Mar-16 21:07:55

Thanks for all the replies, I think maybe I worry they look down on me (accidental pregnancy and didn't do the career thing first). I just find myself more at home in topshop rather than mothercare which probably has nothing to do with age and more to do with personality.

Really great to hear of so many age gap friendships.

PaulAnkaTheDog Thu 03-Mar-16 21:08:57

I had ds younger than you did and three of my closest friends now are 40-46. I'm 27. They are mothers of ds friends and wonderful people. I have a lot more in common with them than friends of my own age.

Believeitornot Thu 03-Mar-16 21:11:21

Yes I have a very good friend who's 5 years older than me with no kids and another who's 10 years younger with no kids. I have two DCs.
It just means you bring different perspectives to things which is nice.

Iflyaway Thu 03-Mar-16 21:14:57

I've got friends younger and older than me. Age is just a number.

But friendships fluctuate too with time, just going down different paths really.

Always new friends to be made if you are sincere and (at least a little bit) sociable.

AnnieOnnieMouse Thu 03-Mar-16 21:15:32

One of my closest friends is a woman my dd was at school with. Another is 20 years older than me. The one I could share anything with was 19 years younger than me. People used to think I was her mum, which was a laugh. (past tense used, as she died a few years ago)

timemaychangeme Thu 03-Mar-16 21:18:15

I think if you get on with someone, and vice versa and you 'get' each other, age isn't an issue. I only have 1 friend the same age as me and the rest are a minimum of 10 years older. I was friends with someone of 92, so she was a good 40+ years older than me. We just had that connection where age wasn't relevant. We found the same things funny, she knew how I'd be likely to be feeling and vice versa. Obviously there were things that were affected by age - ie that she became less physically well and able to do things we enjoyed and that all things being equal, she was most likely going to die a long time before me. I really really miss her.

So much depends on each person. Some people are sort of 'old' before their time and some very old people have a very young outlook to life.

KurriKurri Thu 03-Mar-16 21:18:32

I've got a variety of age friendships (I'm in my fifties) from people mid thirties up to eighties.

The only one that didn't really work was when an older friend started trying to organise my life and got very bossy as if she were my mother (she is also very bossy to her daughter who is only a few years younger than me) she was fine as long as I did what she wanted but didn't like it when I went my own way (I;m talking about things like what clothes she thought I should wear etc !) but I think ultimately it was a personality clash rather than the age difference, and the friendship has petered out although we are not on bad terms just spend a lot less time together.

Ginkypig Thu 03-Mar-16 21:24:57

My three most precious friends are 8 years, over 20 years and over 45 years older than me!

The older friend I have known since I was 17 years old and she is older than my grandmother but we just get each other.

In fact now you've made me think about it Iv always had older friends even at school.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 03-Mar-16 21:26:52

Of course, two of my closest friends are 15 years older than me.

tigerdriverII Thu 03-Mar-16 21:34:53

One of the best friends I ever had was my exMIL. She was born in 1909 and was in her 70s when I met her, I was 19.

She knew that my relationship with her son was doomed. I was platonically friends with my now DH and she said thank goodness we had each other. Nearly 30 years later, she was right. Not your typical MIL.

So go for it!

Borrislovesgordon Thu 03-Mar-16 21:37:34

Did many of you find these friendships at school gates? My school is nice but seems to have a clique and I tend to smile and wave- I'm truly waiting for the more clinical bastards to show up!

I just don't feel I'm their cup of tea (not that I'm awful) if that makes sense.

Borrislovesgordon Thu 03-Mar-16 21:38:26

Fucks sake *cinical

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