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to expect my mum to say bye before ending a phone conversation?

(28 Posts)
DataColour Thu 03-Mar-16 12:30:06

I genuinely don't know if IABU and happy to be told that I am.

My mum, when she is on the phone to me (I don't know about how she speaks to others, although she does do the same thing to my DH), if the conversation is coming to an end or if if I say that I am busy right now (she calls me at work), without saying "OK bye, speak later" etc, she just hangs up. I always find myself saying bye to a closed phone line.
She calls me almost everyday at work and I've only ever mentioned this to her once or twice, latest yesterday when I texted her saying that hanging up on the phone is rude.
She doesn't hang up to be rude, I know that, she just thinks there's no point in talking further, so just puts the phone down. It irritates me.

AIBU to point this out to my mum? One one hand she is 71 and is my mum and who am I to tell her how to make phone calls, on the other hand, it is irritating, but ofcourse it's not a big deal really and I probably upset her when I pointed it out and now I feel like a bitch for taking offence at it.
Oh well...after writing that down, I probably am being unreasonable.

holly989blue Thu 03-Mar-16 12:41:09

You are obviously upset and that's ok, it's a normal response. It isn't unreasonable to expect someone to say Goodbye at the end of a phonecall. However, I think you should accept that this is the way your mum is and that she's not doing it to be nasty. My mum never calls. I make a point of calling her twice a year but that's it, and when she answers the phone, it's silence. She doesn't say Hello. People are strange, even our own mums! As someone who doesn't feel any love from her mum at all, I think that you are lucky that your mum calls you so often :-)

Fizzielove Thu 03-Mar-16 12:44:43

My dad and grandfather used to do that! It drove me crazy! YADNU to be annoyed with it.

luckiestgirlintheworld Thu 03-Mar-16 12:45:17

I think I'd prefer that.
It's better than "okay, yeah, okay, see you later then, okay, bye then, bye, love you, bye, bye" that you normally end up in.

DataColour Thu 03-Mar-16 12:48:51

holly989blue that must be hard for you and yes I do count myself lucky that she calls so often. I guess I just have to accept it.

Fizzielove It's nice in a weird way to know that my mum isn't the only one who does this!

Tulipblank Thu 03-Mar-16 12:49:29

My mum often just says "yes" to me when I announce who I am on the phone. So it goes her "hello", me "hello, it's only me", her "yes?".

Drives me potty! Sounds so rude. Can't be arsed picking her up on it though.

She has also put the phone down without saying bye.

Tbh I think she had asd tendencies and does sometimes miss read social exchanges.

TattyCat Thu 03-Mar-16 12:50:58

I think we have the same DM!! Mine is not quite so bad with every phone call but if I'm talking to her and there's someone at the door, she just hangs up! Or if I say that my DP has just arrived home, I get 'OK bye' and a hangup before I've even said anything else.

I think it's funny - I put the phone down and I just laugh at her for it because I know she just seems to go into panic mode if there's more than one thing going on!

TattyCat Thu 03-Mar-16 12:52:07

I know that I will look back on these phone calls with some fondness for this habit. One day.

DataColour Thu 03-Mar-16 12:52:18

luckiestgirlintheworld my mum would never end a conversation with "love you" I don't think she ever has told me that she loved me. She is quite cold emotionally, but she has always done the "right" things by me, expensive education, financial help even if she has gone without etc etc....but these issues are probably a whole other thread!

EastMidsMummy Thu 03-Mar-16 12:55:14

My mother in law doesn't say Hello or say who it is when she calls. I answer and she launches right in. Her 'greeting' of choice is "Now then."

Ring ring.


Now then, what time will you be here tomorrow?

Oh, hello, MIL. How are you?

etc etc

TattyCat Thu 03-Mar-16 12:55:35

DataColour mine neither. Doesn't mean she doesn't love me - she just never says it! Never has, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's just the way she is.

DataColour Thu 03-Mar-16 12:58:40

TattyCat Yeah She does love me I know that. I'm her only child and she's done a lot for me. She is just not that kind of person and she doesn't like physical contact either, so no hugs, kisses etc.

TattyCat Thu 03-Mar-16 13:05:14

I forced my mum into hugs! She was like a strip of cardboard for years but because I live away, I'd always hug her anyway when arriving/leaving. Eventually, she managed to give me a hug back and it's completely normal now! In fact, it's nice. Took years of me hugging that cardboard though grin

WipsGlitter Thu 03-Mar-16 13:09:12

Do we have the same mum??? My mum does this, if i say i have to go she gos "ok bye" and puts the phone down! Drives me and my sister (is it you??) mad!

DataColour Thu 03-Mar-16 14:17:56

TattyCat - I hug her now, I think I'm getting used to getting hugs from the in-laws!! But I can tell she is uncomfortable with it and it doesn't really feel natural to her.

WipsGlitter At least your mum says "ok bye", mine just hangs up! And definitely not your sister as I'm an only :-)

MissMoo22 Thu 03-Mar-16 15:16:00

My Dad does this, it drives my DP insane but to me it's just how he is. He says 'Ok' a lot on the phone, so he thinks an 'Ok' is an okay way to end a conversation. Except I never know if he's just doing his usual reply or hanging up so I often have to say 'wait' a lot during the call.

KellyElly Thu 03-Mar-16 16:49:31

I'd be staring at the dead phone line in disbelief if anyone did that grin. It's so rude, it's funny! I'm sure it's just a habit and she does it without thinking though.

NinaSimoneful Thu 03-Mar-16 17:16:36

Yeah I'm one of those too. DH and I both dislike the hellfire of 'ok, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye' bullets so it's just one quick 'bye' from us. I do make an effort when on the phone with others though.

I do understand the 'bye, bye, bye, bye' brigade, they don't want the other person to feel like they've been hung up on, but I like to try to ride the line between polite and swift.

OnlyHereForTheCamping Thu 03-Mar-16 17:48:22

Ha my friends mum does this, it's part of who she is. We all love her for it. It's not the end of the world

Ameliablue Thu 03-Mar-16 17:52:03

Yes it sounds annoying but she's your mum and you presumably have a good relationship otherwise and you don't think she is being intentionally ride, so just accept it.

newyear16 Thu 03-Mar-16 17:56:09

My dil does this. very abrupt. We just laugh about it. It's just his way.

Heyheyheygoodbye Thu 03-Mar-16 17:56:40

My DM is the complete opposite grin if I try and say bye she starts a new topic of conversation!

DH and I always laugh that people in TV shows never seem to say bye on the phone. Perhaps you are all secretly being filmed like the Truman Show?

WitchWay Thu 03-Mar-16 18:03:26

My DM will not get off the phone - she says "I'd better let you go" several times during the conversation but she doesn't mean it - she means hang on I've another piece of uninteresting gossip about people I don't know or perhaps met once years ago & in the end I have to tell her I really must go now! hmm

PILS chat for ages then suddenly, in the middle of the conversation, say "Bye then" & put the phone down - both of them - they always ring with both of them on a phone each at the same time confused

BillBrysonsBeard Thu 03-Mar-16 18:11:44

I see this on tv shows all the time.. It's strange, there's no closure! I would wonder if they meant to end the call and ring them back, so they can awkwardly explain themselves grin

scarednoob Thu 03-Mar-16 18:57:40

My dad usually ends with "bugger off" or "call me back when you've got less time to chat ". Charming!!

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