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to think my friend is copying me and to find it very weird

(40 Posts)
smallspikyleaves Wed 02-Mar-16 20:18:15

she has done it once before as well, I run my own business which I have done for years now and, randomly, about a year ago, she started EXACTLY the same business, after first asking me all about my work, how I get my clients, etc

I found it odd but obvs it is a free country so of course I would never have said anything....she gave it up after a few months, not sure why

I have now decided to do some volunteer work. I won't say what it is as it is quite niche and identifying, and certainly not something for everyone (what I will say it is working in quite difficult situations with vulnerable individuals - its not something like working a few hours in a charity shop or similar)

a couple of days after I told her, she has asked me if they need anyone else shock and has asked me for their number ...

and for the sake of full disclosure something else weird happened, a few years ago I introduced her to a friend of mine (they had never met before) within weeks they were "best friends" and joined at the hip and now they are closer with eachother than either of them was with me iyswim...I was a bit hurt at first but, again, its a free country

I just find it a bit strange - I sort of feel like she maybe wants to compete with me in some way...?

maybe I am being U am not sure, putting it to the mn jury just out of interest! as sure as hell cant say anything to her!

cuntycowfacemonkey Wed 02-Mar-16 20:22:03

I would distance myself and offer little information on things that you are doing and I wouldn't be inviting her into your wider social circle either.

smallspikyleaves Wed 02-Mar-16 20:30:15

yeah deffo from now on cunty although horse and stable door and bolted spring to mind

oh god i am not being a bitch but i hope the charity don't take her on....i had to go through quite a gruelling interview and demonstrate quite a bit of knowlede in the field so am hoping that might be a stumbling block....i don't want to have to work with her

urgh wish I hadn't said anything

smallspikyleaves Wed 02-Mar-16 20:30:50

knowledge * even

Grapejuicerocks Wed 02-Mar-16 21:02:00

Just be very careful what you reveal in the future. Is there anyone who you could drop subtle hints to, at the charity which might put them off?

Maudofallhopefulness Wed 02-Mar-16 21:13:00

Don't tell her anything about your life. Distance yourself as much as possible. I'd be tempted to be evil and enthuse about an amazing weird new activity I'm not doing and see if she takes the bait.

nattyknitter Wed 02-Mar-16 21:30:07

I have one of these. I often take her shopping as she doesn't have a car and will find her rummaging through my trolley to see what I have bought and will go back to get the same.

Thankfully I got most of my decorating stuff for my new house from a local Homebase that was closing down as she keeps asking what shade the paint was, what brand the wallpaper was etc, but the only remaining nearby store is too far to get to easily.

She also copies my clothes if we shop together, so I have taken to picking hideous things and then taking them back later for a refund.

I find it very odd, but genuinely don't think she registers that she is doing it.

I don't want to drop her as she does have many redeeming attributes, but I try to limit my information to her so she can't get any more stalker on my lifestyle.

Jelliebabe1 Wed 02-Mar-16 21:32:44

Next time she asks something say your fundraising for a very worthy cause by naked skydiving or eating worms or something! See if she copies that! Lol

Rainbunny Wed 02-Mar-16 22:11:00

I have a friend who copies me, she decorated her house so that it looks like a similar version of my house. Many, many of our friends have commented on it but she is totally open about it. As she says herself, she loves my style and she has no sense of style or creativity so she uses mine for inspiration (meaning copying everything to the last detail... grr) She tries to copy my dress style as well but we are very different body shapes and heights and what suits me really doesn't suit her which thankfully she has realised. Honestly it doesn't bother me, which surprises me because I put a lot of effort and time into decorating my home. At the end of the day no one is truly original and we're not really the unique precious snowflakes that we like to think we are.

RubyRoseViolet Wed 02-Mar-16 23:08:45

I think you're right op, I'd distance myself if I were you. Years ago I had a friend who behaved like this.

Literally everything I did he wanted to do but he had to do something even better, I did aerobics, he joined in and trained as a teacher, I started running, he started too and quizzes due me incessantly about my "times"! He even befriended 2 of my exes (literally days after I'd split up with one of them.). It was horrible really. Definitely step back from her and tell her very little.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 02-Mar-16 23:21:35

"She also copies my clothes if we shop together, so I have taken to picking hideous things and then taking them back later for a refund."

redshoeblueshoe Wed 02-Mar-16 23:24:22

OP I agree with Maud. Ruby shock

SaucyJack Wed 02-Mar-16 23:28:38

Are you sure it's meant badly, however annoying?

Perhaps she just think you spend your time doing cool stuff, and wants to join in.

inlectorecumbit Wed 02-Mar-16 23:31:24

A wee bit of mis information could be very useful and amusing grin

Xmasbaby11 Wed 02-Mar-16 23:34:26

It's definitely odd but like you say, it's a free country. As she's found with her own business failure, copying is not enough on its own.

Katarzyna79 Wed 02-Mar-16 23:45:32

rainbunny i couldn't have said it better myself i agree with you that's my attitude when friends did the same with me.

if your friend buys the same top as you would that tick you off? because if a friend told me she was ticked off that x had bought the same as her i'd think yes and 10 other people will buy that item by the end of the week because there are 10 more of those on the shop fixture? You make the top unique by wearing it, and in the way you carry yourself, and it wont look the same on any 2 people anyway. i don't care,i see it as petty. life is too short and there are bigger fish to fry.

if she is a really good friend id keep her as a friend. if she does anything evil or vindictive then id get rid.

WelliesTheyAreWonderful Wed 02-Mar-16 23:49:26

I think the business thing is a bit weird (and perhaps a bit unreasonable if her starting her business could have had a detrimental effect on yours), but many people are introduced to volunteering roles/sports/hobbies through their friends. It's the same with social circles - it can't be that unusual for friends to meet through mutual friends, no? I met DH through one of his colleagues - neither of us were particularly close to her but are obviously now very close to each other! I have also become closer to one of DH's friends than he ever was, and vice versa, so I don't think it's unreasonable for her to become good friends with one of your friends.

Bogeyface Wed 02-Mar-16 23:50:01

Sounds like she is very lacking in confidence and admires you, so by copying you she can be more like you.

I can sympathise, I got a bit like this with a friend I had. She was confident, out going, made friends easily, everything I am not. I ended up copying her in many ways, but at the time I didnt realise I was doing it. I can see now that I was trying to be more like her but didnt get that copying her wasnt going achieve a change in my personality, which is what I was really looking for.

We are no longer friends because she turned out to be a really very horrible person. She was a cheating lying using alcoholic who was unspeakable when she had a drink inside her. I dont have anything to do with her anymore, and funnily enough I no longer feel the need to copy anyone. Having the confidence to say no to her treating me badly made me realise that I didnt need to be like anyone else I just needed to learn to like myself.

Instead of getting mad with her for copying you, perhaps you could big up the things she does that are different? Maybe even say that she has inspired you? It could build up her confidence so that she doesnt need to copy you so much?

Fatmomma99 Wed 02-Mar-16 23:50:37


Katarzyna79 Wed 02-Mar-16 23:53:19

bogeyface very honest of you! you are right it is a confidence issue.

Iflyaway Thu 03-Mar-16 00:14:15

Well, it could be the highest form of flattery...

But annoying, none the less.

Just be vague about your professional endeavours (sp?)...

Bogeyface Thu 03-Mar-16 00:20:49

Kat its only recently that I have realised what I was doing. I had always thought that we were into the same things, when we really werent, I just followed what she did. It must have been a good thing to do because otherwise she wouldnt be doing it, right? I even ended up drinking way too much and way too often, because thats what she did.

The penny dropped when I was pg and she wasnt and I saw the real her for the first time, as I wasnt drinking too.

As an aside, one odd thing was that she claimed she always only wanted one child, until I was having me second when she then got pg 2 months later. Same with my third, so maybe it wasnt just me!

Katarzyna79 Thu 03-Mar-16 00:26:55

bogeyface so your pregnancy was a blessing in many ways it made you see how she was behaving and your own behaviour that you didn't recognise before, you're abetter person for it!

I hope your friend manages to turn her life around

Bogeyface Thu 03-Mar-16 00:29:57

Kat I am not sure she has, sadly.

The last I heard from her she had been suspended from work for smelling of alcohol and misusing a work resource. I dont know what happened with that but I do know that she ended up waitressing (she had been in a profession) and is now retraining again, this will be her third career and she is 50 this summer sad

But yes, the time when I was pg really did open my eyes.

Charley50 Thu 03-Mar-16 06:22:53

Yeah tell her your new hobby is trepanning.

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