Holy hell, need a hand with the parental guilt here please.
We run our own business and work from an office at home. I work four days, which is usually more than full-time hours given the stuff in the evenings, and DH works five. Business is booming, which is great but we're not quite ready to take on someone and move to premises though this is the next step in the hopefully not-too-distant future so the pressure is pretty high.
We have two little ones: DD1 is 5 and in her first year of school, while DD2 starts school in Sept. Currently, DD1 comes home every day straight after school and we juggle her between us two days a week and my DM comes over and sits with her two days a week (with the other DD too as she finishes pre-school earlier on those days). On my day off, I'm with DD2, so DD1 just comes home as usual.
As the business is getting busier, it's getting really tough to have her at home from 3, when really we should be still working until around 5. We tried an after-school club a handful of times and she didn't like it and said she'd prefer to come home, which I was fine with as the last thing I want to do is send her somewhere she's unhappy. Plus, my vision of working for ourselves was that we did it around the kids. However, the practicalities of a growing business means that it's no longer than simple. My stress levels are going through the roof when I'm trying to deal with her and her needs - food, drink, colouring-in book, a cuddle - and those of a client.
She's adamant that she doesn't want to do the after-school club for those two days, but we're struggling to cope. Am I being horrific in deciding that this is the best thing for us all, or do I put up and shut up and keep on juggling. At this rate I'll be in a bloody circus.
All thoughts welcome...
AIBU?
to not let parenting guilt win AGAIN
DreamingOfADifferentMe · 02/03/2016 18:39
I work a bit like this for part of the year (freelance, normally done in school hours but have one annual contract where I work crazy hours for about 3 months). There are probably 3 days a week where I pick my kids up from school and they get too much iPad/tv time while I work and then I try to keep the others free by working evenings or a bit of the weekend. My youngest is 20mo and at CM until 6 on those 3 days as I couldn't work with him around but it works ok with the older 2.
I hate it, feeling like I should be with them instead of working, but they quite like it, like me being available but not on top of them, and much more flexible about screen time than I am the rest of the year 
. It's a job where they can interrupt if they really need me and I can usually drop stuff until later if they're clearly in need of mum time, so that makes me feel better.
A few ideas which I've used: hire a teenager to come and do one afternoon a week of fun stuff? Employ an au pair or nanny? Use after school activity clubs ( the hour long art or chess club rather than extended hours childcare clubs) to grab you an extra hour - this works particularly well for us. Arrange lots of play dates - on a work day your DD to goes to friends and then you have friends back on your off days.
If you see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of bringing somebody in that would free up your or your husbands time then I'd just carry on for now. If you think this is a longer term issue then maybe look at an after school CM or swapping a couple of your after school work sessions for a weekend morning so your DDs have at least one parent available more frequently.
Being really strict on timings really helps. I'm not sure what your business is but being responsive and available to clients doesn't mean always being available at the drop of a hat. I'm v clear upfront with the client that I do the very busy job for that I am available certain core hours each week and the rest of the work I do at a time that fits better with me/job requirements so core hours are 9-3 on 4 days. Client can always get me then, and I am available at other times but maybe not instantaneously.
Thinking about it, I nearly always take an hour off 3-4 to do pick up and have a drink/snack with my kids. Then I work 4-5.30, fetch the toddler and have 2 hours off to do tea and bed (though sometimes take quick calls if needed) then back at it in the evening.
Staggered days for you and DP could be a great idea - clients have a longer day to have at least one of you available, the kids have one of you for more hours, and the one not working can get some house stuff done while the other is busy so your down time together can be proper down time.
It's doable, but needs strict planning, and I think also needs time built in to release the pressure. So perhaps you work long and/or staggered hours Mon-Weds but then finish at 5 on the dot Thurs and Fri?
You know it's not forever, and your goal of being around for your family will happen as you get to the point where you can take on extra staff. Grit your teeth and do your best. It sounds like DD1 is actually pretty happy and you're the one worrying - this is the right way round and suggests you're managing it all pretty well! 
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