To not let my mum live in my flat?

(66 Posts)
BaBaBaBoom Tue 01-Mar-16 21:12:00

Long history with my mum that I have posted about recently - but basically she lives in France and wants to come back to UK to live permanently.

She is leaving her husband, and already did a bit of a midnight flit 6 weeks ago - all pre planned, he is a total shit (more about that later). The flit was planned months in advance and I knew from the beginning about it.

Now, I have a flat that I used to live in but now rent out to a tenant. My tenant is good, pays on time, keeps the house in perfect order etc, is a dream tenant (which I know from experience can be hard to find). However in order to help my mum out (who would be returning with a dog & jobless, so would find it hard to find a rental) I said she could move into my flat.

I gave my tenant 3 months notice and was honest about my mum's plans, he understood and looked elsewhere.

Mum returned a month before tenant was due to move out. DH, DD and I took her for a meal the first night she was back and I overheard her tell my DH she didn't want to move in to my flat anymore.

The next day I confronted her and she said she didn't know wether she should move in to my flat or not - said it was very small and she wanted to return to France to sell her house. I asked her to let me know within the next day (as I'd have the pain of finding a new tenant). The next day she text me to say she wasn't going to be moving in.

I phoned my tenant straight away, apologised and said before I put it on the rental market, would he like to stay? He'd just heard his next house had flooded so it was perfect timing for him, and he agreed to stay put.

5 minutes later, mum called and said she'd changed her mind, she'd have the flat afterall. I said sorry, I've just told my tenant he can stay, and I'm not calling him back to reneg. She actually bollocked me for asking him too soon after her text hmm

She went back to France, back to twat husband, where she is apparently saving more money and selling the house to get money that way too.

That was 6 weeks ago, and in that 6 week period she's been looking online at houses that allow pets and I've been going round viewing them for her. Because she doesn't have a job she'd need to pay 6 months upfront (which she can afford with what she's saved, but she doesn't really want to). Some places want a double deposit because she has a dog.

Spoke to her today and she's stressed about the house hunting. She asked me if I would give my tenant notice again so she can move into my flat round about May. She said her biggest mistake was "having a wobble" about moving in. I said that I can't do that to him after messing him about already and she said "not even for your desperate mum so I don't have to pay 6 months upfront?".

AIBU to have said no? She's in a mood with me again. I know it's my mum but she chose not to move in after saying she would so she only has herself to blame.

So, back to her husband - so as not to drip feed I thought the easiest way to show what a twat he is is to link to my recent thread about him (trigger warning: sexual abuse) - it's not necessarily relevant to the situation (so don't feel obliged to read it!) but I didn't want to drip feed in any way. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a2573950-Would-you-stay-with-your-partner-if-he-was-a-bit-letchy-to-your-teenage-DD

Osolea Tue 01-Mar-16 21:16:30

YANBU, and your mum is being incredibly unfair to put you in this position just to save a bit of money that she will be able to get back anyway.

HereIAm20 Tue 01-Mar-16 21:17:05

Do you have a BTL mortgage? If so many of them do not allow you to rent to family members. If that is the situation with yours then you have a clear legal reason to not let her rent yours from you.

I wouldn't let to her because you would have the emotional turmoil of what you would do if she didn't pay or wanted to pay late etc (assuming there is a mortgage or that you need the income). Its better to keep things business only when it comes to tenants.

May09Bump Tue 01-Mar-16 21:21:56

You don't owe her anything, I'm surprised your still in contact with her. You have been more than reasonable offering her the flat, she would have probably left you in the lurch by pulling out last minute and left you having to pay the mortgage / find a new tenant.

You have been fair to your tenant and I would stick to your word. Look after your own interests and not your Mum's. IMO - you should keep her as far away from you as possible. Sorry, if that's unhelpful.

MakeItRain Tue 01-Mar-16 21:22:35

No yanbu. You offered her the flat. She's already let you down by pulling out once. Who's to say she wouldn't do that again. Most people wouldn't even have a family flat as an option. I don't think you should feel at all bad in sticking to your guns.

pillowaddict Tue 01-Mar-16 21:24:58

Yanbu at all, she offered you no support at all when you were in a a vulnerable and abusive situation of her making, and despite you telling her about it again she continued to put her own needs first. You owe her nothing, and are being a decent landlord in not mucking your tenant about by going back on your word. Stay strong op and flowers

gamerchick Tue 01-Mar-16 21:27:35

Let her be in a mood. You might get some peace and you can't do that to you tenant again.

BaBaBaBoom Tue 01-Mar-16 21:28:04

Do you have a BTL mortgage? If so many of them do not allow you to rent to family members

No I didn't have enough equity so my mortgage company have granted special permission for me to rent it out

acasualobserver Tue 01-Mar-16 21:31:00

I think you've been totally reasonable and, in the long term, it's probably best not to have a relative for a tenant for all the obvious reasons. However, if you feel minded to help her get settled back in the UK, could you offer to help with the deposit?

expatinscotland Tue 01-Mar-16 21:32:26

YANBU! There is no way I'd fuck a good tenant over like that again. You were very unreasonable to do that in the first place as you know how flakey she is. This is her problem. She has the 6 months upfront. She sorts out her own housing. Don't let her guilt you. You don't owe her your life.

IAmNotAMindReader Tue 01-Mar-16 21:32:33

YANBU. Given the 6 months upfront comment are you sure she would actually pay you rent or either be surprised you asked and make excuses as to why she can't or just outright refuse?

scarlets Tue 01-Mar-16 21:34:29

She sounds immature and self-centred. I wouldn't get rid of a decent tenant for her. She might meet some bloke and decide to move out at short notice. You could offer to lend her some cash, though.

expatinscotland Tue 01-Mar-16 21:36:36

Don't offer to lend her cash or give her money. She's an adult who has fucked up her own life. She has the 6 months rent. You just tell her, 'I will not get rid of my tenant. You have the money. Stop trying to guilt me.'

HooseRice Tue 01-Mar-16 21:36:53

Keep your tenant. You owe your mother nothing.

LifeofI Tue 01-Mar-16 21:37:41

nope yanbu, its not fair on your tenant as well. She can find somewhere else, i wouldnt feel bad either op.

ReasonablyIntelligent Tue 01-Mar-16 21:39:50

YANBU at all.

She sounds like hard work (sorry, OP, I know she's your Mum).

It's not like you're putting her out on the streets, your tenant sounds lovely and your Mum sounds like she is likely to change her mind again!

Abed Tue 01-Mar-16 21:41:09

YANBU OP, she's not a child.

AyeAmarok Tue 01-Mar-16 21:42:33

You've been more than for and she's messed you about something shocking.

It's one thing to help your mum out, but quite another for you to repeatedly mess about another (innocent) person to pander to her.

Hold firm. You told the tenant and then she let you down, and you will not do that to him again and she shouldn't expect you to or put you in that position.

YANBU at all OP.

Lookingforward2016 Tue 01-Mar-16 21:45:02

YADNBU. She does not come across a very nice person to me after reading your post. I would refuse to accept her terms and say that she should definitely find a place of her own. Might help her in it but tbh, she has to cough up the money properly as its not you who should have to face so much for her. Good luck

specialsubject Tue 01-Mar-16 21:45:42

you still need to check with your mortgage company, and your insurers.

EweAreHere Tue 01-Mar-16 21:47:42

YANBU.

Don't do it. She had a chance, she messed you around, don't mess a good tenant around a second time for her. SHe has only herself to blame, and frankly, she's lucky you agreed to do it the first time.

You're providing her with a heck of a lot more help than most adult children with jobs/families would be ableo to provide by running around and viewing potential homes for her as it is. She'll just have to suck it up and do what it takes to find a place to live and pay the money.

MrsBobDylan Tue 01-Mar-16 21:48:09

Yanbu-you are already doing loads to help your mum. She needs to become the grown up she is and stand on her own two feet.

Stay firm. She's got the six months upfront so don't let her make it your problem.

I think frankly her changing her

MrsBobDylan Tue 01-Mar-16 21:48:59

...mind is a lucky escape for you.

OohMavis Tue 01-Mar-16 21:49:55

I remember your thread. I know she's your mum but you owe her nothing after what she did (and allowed her husband to do) to you.

Frankly you're a saint for even considering it. Let her be in a mood, it's her own doing.

AddToBasket Tue 01-Mar-16 21:50:16

Hang on to your tenant, OP.

Your mum will find somewhere and it will all work out in the end. Be nice. Can you have the dog for a bit?

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