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DH has videos of his ex on the computer

(22 Posts)
ChinChillyeah Tue 01-Mar-16 12:35:10

Tell me I'm being ridiculous.

I was trawling through the computer yesterday looking for something and came across his old photos. I looked through them and found old family videos of his ex and kids. All looking very happy and cosy together, made me feel sick with insecurity. I know they're more videos of his kids than his ex but even so - am I being ridiculous being upset about them being on here?

A few days ago I borrowed his phone to look for our home phone number. Typed home in and two came up. Our house and his old address - complete with pic of ex and kids. Seeing that pic connected to "home" made me feel awful. Ok so he's probably just being a bloke and not updated his phone/got rid of duff contacts but AIBU to be upset by it? I'm being ridiclous right?

RudeElf Tue 01-Mar-16 12:37:38

Yes ridiculous. I thought from the title you mean naked photos! He had a life before you, some of it happy, he doesnt have to destroy all evidence of it because of your insecurities. That is your issue. Do you trust him?

TheWitTank Tue 01-Mar-16 12:38:35

In the nicest possible way, yes you are.
I still have pictures and video with my ex in (from years ago) not because of him, but because they contain other friends, important days/occasions, things like that. I wouldn't chuck all my memories away either. They are photos of his children.

ChinChillyeah Tue 01-Mar-16 12:39:02

I'm just really insecure. It helps when people tell me I'm being daft.

I trust him yeah, but I can get very jealous, it's a trait of mine I'm not proud of.

Pinkheart5915 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:40:22

Sounds perfectly fine to me. It's just an old video of ex and HIS children.

Everybody's got a past!

RudeElf Tue 01-Mar-16 12:41:04

Its a trait you need to work on if you want to have a happy marriage. Personally i find it quite an immature one. You are married, he loves you, your trust him. What are you jealous of?

ChinChillyeah Tue 01-Mar-16 12:42:17

That he loved her before me? that he might have loved her more? that he had kids with her and not me?

I know it's shit and I am working on it.

Haggisfish Tue 01-Mar-16 12:42:27


TerrorAustralis Tue 01-Mar-16 12:43:07

Reading the titles I thought, 'Sex videos of ex - YANBU!!'. But family videos, YABU.

thelittleredhen Tue 01-Mar-16 12:44:29

Also, he would probably want to show them to his children and it would be unfair on them if he deleted everything with his ex on. Different circumstances but my mum had a fire with all of the pictures of my dad when they divorced and I don't have any of him or him with me which I would love to have.

Osolea Tue 01-Mar-16 12:44:33

You are being a bit silly, yes. It's an understandable human thing, but the issue is with the way you feel about stuff, not with anything your DH has done.

FetchezLaVache Tue 01-Mar-16 12:44:44

Yes, yabu, but you know you are! He loved her at one point (well, you'd like to think he did!) but now he loves you. The fact that he hasn't attempted to expunge all traces of his ex's existence from his life doesn't change that. You daft bat. flowers

ComeonSummer1 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:45:44

You are entitled to feel how you feel op. Just don't tell your dh. He's with you not her. smile

Only1scoop Tue 01-Mar-16 12:46:34


I thought it was going to be of him and ex up to all sorts.

It's his family

His DC

ChinChillyeah Tue 01-Mar-16 12:47:05

Thanks guys :-) I do feel better having it confirmed that I'm being a dick grin. I am working on my self esteem, I don't want to feel like this forever.

BloodyHell33 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:47:31

You'll get loads of people saying YABU.

Probably people never been in your position and never will be.

Those incapable of empathy. hmm
There's a LOT of them on here these days.

OP YANBU to feel this way. I think I'd feel the same about the 'home' thing on the phone.
Tell him, not accusingly so. Let him reasurring you.

Plenty of people feel irrational at times, and you are more than allowed to feel like that without people on here telling you how ridiculous you are being.

You aren't being 'ridiculous' you are understandably feeling insecure.

Friendlystories Tue 01-Mar-16 12:56:42

My MIL still has a photo of DH and his first wife on their wedding day up in her dining room and even that makes me feel funny so I can totally understand how you feel OP. I agree you should talk to him and let him reassure you, I'm sure he wouldn't want to have upset you flowers

RudeElf Tue 01-Mar-16 12:56:44

That he loved her before me? that he might have loved her more? that he had kids with her and not me

So who is that jealousy benefitting? You have a guy you love enough to marry and spend your life with. Your jealousy is not enhancing your relationship is it? It has no point. Maybe you feel like directing some anger at his ex through your jealousy. That makes you feel what? Better? Or just angry? Because she certainly isnt aware of it. Its having zero effect on her life. She is just carrying on blissfully unaware of all this jealousy you are building up inside you. So what purpose is that jealousy serving other than to create negative feelings between you and the person you at one point loved enough to commit your life to? Let it go. It'll eat you up.

ComeonSummer1 Tue 01-Mar-16 13:09:19


How rude and I think most posters have shown empathy to the op and reassured her without agreeing with her.

bluebell8782 Tue 01-Mar-16 13:55:15

Hey Chilly
My DH has photos of him, his ex and his daughter on his computer. My initial reaction (years ago) was to feel that awful jealous emotion that can suddenly creep up on you without warning. But, I quickly realised that it was actually for his daughter's benefit. She loves both her parents and she would like to still see her life before they split captured in photos. Nobody is wishing things were the same - it's just that you can't simply wipe away things from the past. You have a past too, I imagine, you can be proud of that as well as being the happiest you have ever been in your present.

The 'home' thing on the phone has probably been over-looked and he just hasn't realised - I would mention that more than any photos to be honest.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Tue 01-Mar-16 15:00:37

The other side of this, is a man who has no interest in keeping photos of his family before you.

I know which I prefer!

YANBU to be a bit upset, so long as you recognise that YABU smile

Katenka Tue 01-Mar-16 15:14:07

That he loved her before me? that he might have loved her more? that he had kids with her and not me?

You knew all this before you married him, yes?

Why does this bother you now? What's changed to make yourself esteem so bad now?

Fwiw I have 2 'home' in my phone. One is a house I lived in four years ago. I have had a 2 new phones since but contacts are just copied over automatically. I just can't be arsed to take it out or change it.

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