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To wish I could be housewife

(90 Posts)
BeBe32 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:26:30


I've never posted here before, so hello to you all. I don't know if this is a bit strange but it's something I've been thinking about for a while. I am 32, single and live alone. I feel like I have never really found a job that I am passionate about and feel a bit lost and directionless. Even when I have been in a job that I really enjoy I still have not felt content in a way or fulfilled.

I have realised recently that if I am completely honest, if I could do anything it would probably be a housewife or home maker. Despite being quite academic at school I don't really feel overly ambitious and I think when I was younger I assumed by the time I was this age I always imagined I would have children and be married rather than picturing myself in a particular career, so maybe that's the problem. I also suffer with anxiety and I often feel this is triggered by work situations and the only time I feel calm and in control when I am at home, in control of my own time and not feeing under pressure from managers and colleagues, I sometimes feel like I would be so much happier and less anxious if it wasn't for work.

Obviously there's nothing I can do as I am single and cannot give up work but I suppose I just wanted to see if anyone else feels like this and perhaps how I can stop focusing on what I wish I could be doing and accept that that won't happen.


formerbabe Tue 01-Mar-16 12:33:34

I'm a sahm and both my dc are at school so I guess that could be one definition of a housewife.

You sound quite like me. I was quite academic at school. I have a degree. I have never been ambitious though. Even from primary school age, if anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd say "housewife".

I love it. I love cleaning, cooking, baking and all those household chores. It's not for everyone. I know lots of women who find it mind numbingly boring!

RubbleBubble00 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:36:09

Why not a change of career? Could u see yourself in a childcare role? Perhaps a nanny or a childminder?

ComeonSummer1 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:37:40

I started a successful business after being a home maker when my youngest of 4 was a teenager.

I enjoye the money, the organising and to be honest I am bloody good at my job which is home based, but I am miserable.

Dh works away so all the domestic stuff cones my way so am doing 2 jobs.

Decided was far happier doing all the domestic stuff and spending my time with the kids and the dog. [grin

It's not compulsory to feel fulfilled by paid employment.

ComeonSummer1 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:38:51

Childminder is grinding hard work and endless paperwork just so you know. wink

ThePebbleCollector Tue 01-Mar-16 12:38:55

I'm not single, I have a one year old and live with my partner, he works part time I work full time. Maternity leave was one of the best times ever (worked since the day I left school) I wish everyday I could be a housewife/sahm...etc. Love doing all the domestic jobs, just hate doing them after a long day and trying to fit in the little time I have with my daughter.

hesterton Tue 01-Mar-16 12:40:25

Maybe try a live in housekeeper job?

CadenceRoastingByAnOpenFire Tue 01-Mar-16 12:43:39

What about working for yourself op? Doing something from your phone so that you're able to 'home make too'. I am very similar to you, I was very academic at school and have a degree but I'm not cut out for the work place, I'm not competitive at all and I'm quite shy. I now work for myself at home. What are your interests and talents? Think about whether you can translate them to your own business.

CadenceRoastingByAnOpenFire Tue 01-Mar-16 12:44:15

From your home that was supposed to say, not phone!!

glueandstick Tue 01-Mar-16 12:46:57

As a housewife I can honestly say it's one of the most mind numbingly boring things I've ever done. I cannot wait to go back to work.

Fedup21 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:48:32

* I sometimes feel like I would be so much happier and less anxious if it wasn't for work*

Lol-you along with most of the population!

I'd love to say to my DH that I'm not cut out for paid work, but I doubt he'd be very sympathetic as someone has to pay the bills (we both work btw, not just me!)

I know what you mean though. Work is stressful and things would be nicer if we didn't have to!

ComeonSummer1 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:52:55

See we are all different. Being at home with small children can indeed be boring and fantastic depending on your mood, or rather their mood. smile

However can't imagine being bored at my stage with older ones out all day.

cleaning/cooking a breeze with full attention

And that leaves so much time for other things like swimming, gym, walking the dog, reading, gardening.

Pure bliss.

ComeonSummer1 Tue 01-Mar-16 12:55:42


So true.

Patterkiller Tue 01-Mar-16 12:59:11

I'm kind of there. I work but it is my own business and I set the hours. I'm an introvert and love the time at home, I read, exercise, garden, walk, cook, craft, coffee with friends as I can easily slot into their days off. I do sometimes get a bit frustrated that all housework falls to me just because I'm at home most of the time. But mostly love it.

butterflylove16 Tue 01-Mar-16 13:00:49

I'm very fortunate in that I left work last spring/summer to be a housewife, and I've never been happier. Like you, I've dealt with anxiety (especially at work) so Dh and I decided it was best I left my job. I did look around for other work, but I was so contented at home, that Dh said as I enjoy it so much he was happy for me to not go back to work (plus it works out well for him as I do all of the cooking and cleaning haha!). I'm now pregnant with our first and will be a sahm. I wonder if there is any job you could do from home instead? Or perhaps become a housekeeper or similar? Being a housewife isn't for everyone, but it's bought me so much joy.

waitingforsomething Tue 01-Mar-16 13:05:30

I am a sahm and housewife at the moment due to financial reasons. I hate it. I thought I would like it but actually it's mind numbing repetitive and doesn't spark a single one of my brain cells.
The grass isn't always greener!

Diddlydokey Tue 01-Mar-16 13:07:12

I thought I'd be the same and then I had a kid. I'd rather work full time than not at all - the thought of attending a toddler group every day and the expectation of doing all the housework on my own as well as dealing with all nighttime antics for the first few year s is just not fun.

I love DS and love spending time with him. I also enjoy going to work, focusing on my job and using my brain a bit.

Working part time is quite good if it is suited to your job though. I was part time when DS was younger and for me it was just more stressful really as I did full time in part time hours and for part time pay.

RaniyaFi Tue 01-Mar-16 13:09:47

Are you sure what you're describing isn't 'recluse'?

I'm a housewife with kids. Other housewives will also tend to have community or caring roles. But as soon as you throw those things into the mix - you lose a lot of the 'low pressure low anxiety ' aspect that you seem to crave from the housewife role.

I love the home life - but I literally run through my days juggling unexpected things that come at me from all angles.

In your shoes I would look at the anxiety as something to resolve with support/health measures etc - and separately think about what job/lifestyle you'd enjoy.

Theodolia Tue 01-Mar-16 13:14:13

It's not impossible to use your brain and be a SAHM/housewife. I'm the same as formerbabe, fairly academic with a degree but no ambition career wise. I love being free to choose my activities for the day, no commute (that's a big one for me!), no office politics. It's not for everyone though... I think partly it depends on how much you enjoy pottering, hobbies etc.

Happyrouter Tue 01-Mar-16 13:24:06

I think if you genuinely suffer with anxiety then you need to address and deal with the anxiety rather than change your working environment as changing from work to housewife will just transfer the anxiety to different areas rather than remove it.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with enjoying the housework rather than paid work, it's a mysoginistic view that outside paid work is somehow more important and valuable than the domestic work done at home (primarily by women).

I am at home with school age children but also volunteer 10 hours a week and feel that is a good combo.

Happyrouter Tue 01-Mar-16 13:25:23

To clarify, I meant a good combo for me personally, not saying it is what anyone else should do.

Millionprammiles Tue 01-Mar-16 13:32:58

How would you feel about not having an income of your own and relying on someone else to pay the household bills/pay for your clothes/toiletries etc?

A housewife isn't paid employment (though its bloody hard work assuming there are kids to look after too).

FinallyHere Tue 01-Mar-16 13:41:22

How about being a housekeeper? There are lots of ads. in The Lady, Mostly for people who are really very wealthy indeed, who employ housekeepers to manager their homes and lives for them. Standards would be very high, though, so perhaps if you could resolve the anxiety, ypu might find easier ways to earn a living. Hope you find what works for you. xx

BeBe32 Tue 01-Mar-16 13:47:00

Thank you for all the interesting your replies - I'm in and out today as I have injured my hand and have a hospital appointment so apologies if I don't reply straight away.

Of course I understand that being at home isn't for everybody but I genuinely enjoy baking, cleaning and looking after a home. Also I don't think I would get bored as I love reading, baking and would love to try writing but I just feel that I never have any time to explore any of those things properly due to work.

I think the anxiety is a big issue and although I have tried lots of things to deal with it, the only time it abates a little is when I am not in work, I can choose my activities and the daily pressure I feel when in paid employment and the pressure to 'perform' is gone. It's not about being a 'recluse' as somebody mentioned. I know that my anxiety is sometimes triggered by social situations and by the competitive environment of work and feeing that I need to 'live up to expectations'. If I wasn't working, it's not that I wouldn't see anyone, just that that pressure would be removed and I would have more control over my daily activities.

I have thought that I would like to work from home but financially as I live alone with only one income I am only just getting by really so would need to be sure that I could support myself. I'm not sure what I would be good at or what I could do.

I suppose I just feel that life is passing me by a bit - the relentless pressure of work and constant anxiety is getting to me and I feel I don't have the time or energy to do what I would really like to be doing. While I only have one income I feel that my options for changing this are limited.


whatamidoinghereanyway Tue 01-Mar-16 13:50:10

I'm surprised by the positive response here, it's good to know that there is a tribe of like minded women!

I consider myself extremely fortunate to have the choice to be a housewife/mum of 4 and I'm another one who is content and happy with a life pottering, reading, writing and exercising, studying, looking after family, friends and neighbours. Again I was academic and an over achiever but from about the age of 14 mg ambition was to have a family to nurture and a home.

Just be careful though that you don't confuse your anxiety in your job with the desire to be at home. Could you maybe afford work part time or drop a day in the week?

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