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To be annoyed with these people?

(41 Posts)
WoodleyPixie Mon 29-Feb-16 20:28:13

My mum looks after a little boy for her goddaughter. Was supposed to be two days a week but invariably it is at least three days. She doesn't charge for this and the parents don't even put a few pound coins in the change bag to pay for the toddler groups and swimming they expect my mum to take him.

Anyway the bit I'm annoyed about is my
Grandma (mum's mum) died last week and so my mum is helping my grandad with the funeral plans and all the other stuff that a death in the family entails on top of grieving for the loss of her mother. My dad rang the mum and said that my mum was not able to look after the little boy as she was understandably upset and busy.

I've found out today that they have asked to bring him back to my mum this week! My mum won't say no and they play on this.

Surely the done thing is to give my mum time to sort everything out and to grieve. The funeral isn't for another week.

The mum is due to leave for maternity leave in a months time, under the circumstances could she not have taken parental leave or started maternity leave early?

I want to say something but don't want to cause my mum anymore upset at this time.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 29-Feb-16 20:30:09

Your mum needs to tell them straight but understandably isn't in the right headspace to do so right now.

Can they be put off for another week or so?

I'm sorry for your loss and yes, they are absolutely taking the piss. Cheeky fucks.

nocabbageinmyeye Mon 29-Feb-16 20:32:35

Others won't agree with me and they will say it's none of your business but I'd pick up the phone and say it's bad enough you take the piss on an on going basis but now your mother is grieving the fact they are still doing it is not on and to cop the feck on, start showing appreciation and paying for things and you'll make sure she's a child minder down. But that's just me, people taking advantage annoy me. Yanbu

WoodleyPixie Mon 29-Feb-16 20:33:20

She won't though. Drives me mad. I so want to call and say to them but I know they would be straight on the phone to my mum and then that would upset her.

gamerchick Mon 29-Feb-16 20:34:09

I would intervene and speak to her myself personally. She's taking the piss.

nocabbageinmyeye Mon 29-Feb-16 20:35:25

I'd run the risk to be honest. Tell your mother you did it, she might be glad you stood up for her if she feels she can't do it herself

CooPie10 Mon 29-Feb-16 20:38:02

I agree with the others and just tell these people straight how insensitive they are and taking advantage of her. Your dm seems a kind and lovely person and May not want a confrontation. These people are abusing her generosity.

Birdsgottafly Mon 29-Feb-16 20:38:39

I used to look after my sort of Niece's little boy (complicated family relationship).

My eldest DD thought she could stick her oar in, it wasn't appreciated.

My Mum died not long ago and I was doing a lot of babysitting for my other DD, again, she thought she could comment.

The babysitting kept me going and I enjoyed doing the classes etc that wasn't around when mine were little.

What does your Mum say about this, have you asked her?

Libitina Mon 29-Feb-16 20:39:02

Can your Dad intervene again on your Mums behalf?

SaucyJack Mon 29-Feb-16 20:39:23

Sorry about your Grandma.

TBH, this one is on your mum's head. She is presumably a competent adult who is capable of saying "No." I have limited sympathy for people who get themselves into these sorts of situations- unless of course they are vulnerable due to mitigating factors. She needs to stand up for herself.

Have you considered putting a poison pen letter through the goddaughters door?

CaptainCrunch Mon 29-Feb-16 20:39:48

Phone them up and get them told. Make it clear that if they contact your mum to bleat and tell tales you will ensure they lose their free daycare forever.

WoodleyPixie Mon 29-Feb-16 20:45:10

Hmm mixed opinions then. I think generally while I believe they are taking the piss my mum is fairly happy to look after him. Although she does get frustrated at being expected to take him to specific activities at her cost. It's not a lot of money and I suppose she can afford to so doesn't think about how it adds up long term.

It really is the current situation that I am mostly pissed off at. It's really insensitive. If I didn't think it would upset my mum I would already have called them. I think I will make my feelings clear to my dad tomorrow and see what he says. I know he's not happy about it.

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 20:47:09

They are so out of order.

I'd politely cancel on your mums behalf.

"Mums not up to it at the moment"

Vintage45 Mon 29-Feb-16 20:47:45

Whilst it's annoying for you to hear, it's up to your mum.

SuperCee7 Mon 29-Feb-16 20:48:47

Usually the MN mind is to mind your own business. But if this was MY mum, I'd be phoning and them and having a word. A big one at that.

AntiHop Mon 29-Feb-16 20:51:03

Did I understand this correctly? She is paid to look after the child 2 days a week but actually looks after the child 3 days a week?

NeedACleverNN Mon 29-Feb-16 20:51:50

I'd call if I thought my mum honestly needed more time and I would say "look mum, you obviously need a bit more time so I've cancelled Bob to come back this week"

If she protests I would just argue back.

However it is your mums choice and maybe she wants to do it again to distract herself?

Ask her outright if she had the choice would she have had Bob back this week or not and go from there

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 20:52:13

From what I understood they pay Zero

CaptainCrunch Mon 29-Feb-16 20:55:24

She isn't paid at all, it actually costs her money to watch him as they expect her to take him to specific activities but provide no money for them. They are freeloading exploitative shits.

ZenNudist Mon 29-Feb-16 21:00:11

I'd ring up and cancel for your mum. Do it nicely and say that given the circumstances you think they need to give up using your mum for childcare, be ready to ask when her mat leave starts and say you won't be needing mum then anyway will you.

End convo by saying that your mum had had a hard time lately and that it's the least they can do seeing as she has been free childcare plus paid for activities for their dc.

I do think your dm is a mug though.

shazzarooney99 Mon 29-Feb-16 21:08:25

I personally would say something to he rmyself, shes taking the piss, and especially knowing your mum wont say no,your mum is grieving, what a selfish person this lady is.

eddielizzard Mon 29-Feb-16 21:16:24

they are using her horribly. but you can't fight your mum's battles. you can tell her how angry you are on her behalf but she's having an awfully hard time. if i were you i'd suggest to her that she not takes the little boy. she's probably very attached to him.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 29-Feb-16 21:34:39

You mention maternity leave. Is your mum about to have a baby?

Surely she can just explain that her father has just died flowers and she is heavily pregnant so not up to looking after a toddler for free.

Only1scoop Mon 29-Feb-16 21:36:30

I think it's the god daughter who is due to go on maternity leave.

It's the Op's grandma who has died I believe.

BillBrysonsBeard Mon 29-Feb-16 21:42:22

YANBU OP, so inconsiderate of them with what your mum is going through. And even without her losing her mum, they are taking the piss. Why does your mum HAVE to take him to activities?

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