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Should poorly DH have been pulling his weight today?

(69 Posts)
Plateofcrumbs Mon 29-Feb-16 18:16:03

DH and I both have a virus and feeling ill. DH took the day off work as he didn't feel well enough to go in.

I work part-time and was at home today with DS. I could have sent him to childminder but decided to tough it out despite feeling very rough.

DH has been in bed all day sleeping and watching Netflix. I don't think he is any more unwell than me.

I thought with DH at home I might get a bit of respite today but have had a full-on slog with a tantrumming toddler.

AIBU to have expected DH to do a bit of parenting today or as he is off sick is he entitled to the day in bed? It is not as though I didn't have the option myself if I had offloaded DS to childminder.

AnUtterIdiot Mon 29-Feb-16 18:17:34

I think you should have sent your DC to a child minder so that you could both have a break, unless you wanted to and DH disagreed in which case he should have pulled his weight.

TooMuchOfEverything Mon 29-Feb-16 18:18:29

I don't understand why you didn't use the childminder TBH. What am I missing?

Get well soon.

shutupandshop Mon 29-Feb-16 18:18:44

You should have sent dc to minder.

Inertia Mon 29-Feb-16 18:19:03

I don't understand why you didn't just send DS to the childminder? Is DS also ill?

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud Mon 29-Feb-16 18:19:16

Should have sent dc to childminders

PennyHasNoSurname Mon 29-Feb-16 18:19:22

Tbh you were a bit daft to keep the dc off from the cms.

When I am.ill enough to warrant a sick day at work, im only good for bedrest. Usually a day or two of that sets me right again.

You chose to "tough it out" - please dont take that out on him.

JapaneseSlipper Mon 29-Feb-16 18:20:41

It depends on how/if you share your finances, and if you asked your husband for his input about the childminder decision.

On first reading, my instinct would be to say your DH should have pitched in. But actually, if sending your son to the childminder was a reasonable option (ie it wouldn't have bankrupted you to do so) then maybe you should have gone with that.

But another way of looking at it is that your son is likely to also succumb to the virus soon, so you have protected other children and the childminder from becoming ill - assuming you won't be packing him off there tomorrow.

motherinferior Mon 29-Feb-16 18:20:42

No, expecting someone who is off sick to do childcare is unreasonable - especially when you had a perfectly good other option lined up. You didn't have to 'tough it out'.

Wardrobespierre Mon 29-Feb-16 18:21:19

It's not a competition. Your DH made a choice to call in sick and didn't feel well enough to get out of bed. You made a choice to keep the toddler at home and battle through. You can't feel cross that your decision was the wrong one.

VimFuego101 Mon 29-Feb-16 18:21:29

I would have used the childminder so you could both rest. Outside of the time your DC was with CM, you should have taken shifts.

Hulababy Mon 29-Feb-16 18:23:10

When I take time off work ill then this generally means I am genuinely ill and most probably need rest. I took a day off last half term - I spent the entire day in bed, mostly sleeping. I did chill with a book and TV on and off a bit too.

I don't understand why, if you were ill, you didn't send your child to the childminder.

Did you ask your Dh for his thoughts when you decided not to use the childminder?

Osolea Mon 29-Feb-16 18:23:49

If you wanted respite yourself then you should have used the childminder that you're already paying anyway. Your DH WNBU to sit in bed all day watching Netflix, that's what you're supposed to do when you take a day off sick from work.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 29-Feb-16 18:24:38

You should have sent DC to the childminder. Presumably you were paying her anyway, so why not send him and have the day to rest and recuperate?

YABU. You chose to keep DC at home when you had other options. He shouldn't have to tough it out just because you chose to.

I don't understand why you kept DS home.

PlaymobilPirate Mon 29-Feb-16 18:25:48

Ds should have gone to the childminder. Silly not to have really. Was there a reason not to?

theycallmemellojello Mon 29-Feb-16 18:26:54

No, if he was well enough to look after DC he would have been well enough to go to work.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 29-Feb-16 18:28:07

Really don't understand why you didn't use the childminder??

BathtimeFunkster Mon 29-Feb-16 18:28:46

I think YANBU at all.

Two sick parents could help each other out and mind their child between them.

Do you normally get to send your child to CM when you are under the weather? Or are you normally expected to tough it out?

I can't ever imagine staying in bed all day while my equally sick husband dealt with our child all day on his own.

But then I love him.

And I know he wouldn't dream of doing that to me.

XanderHarris Mon 29-Feb-16 18:29:17

If you'd have sent him to the CM I'd have said you should do half each when he got home.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 29-Feb-16 18:30:36


If he was well enough to do anything, he'd have gone to work.

And another who doesnt understand why you didn't use the childminder so you could both rest.

BathtimeFunkster Mon 29-Feb-16 18:31:25

Given that he didn't get out of bed all day, would you have had to bring your kid to the CM and pick him up?

Is he planning to ever get up and help out of is his man sickness far too important?

Plateofcrumbs Mon 29-Feb-16 18:31:26

We would have had to pay childminder for the extra day and I felt guilty because I know she has been ill all weekend herself.

TBH I was surprised DH took the day off as he is normally one to tough it out as well.

But yeah I guess I am just feeling jealous that DH has been sleeping it off when I have had DS being particularly horrific.

shinynewusername Mon 29-Feb-16 18:32:00

Poor bloke - a tantruming toddler and a martyr to contend with, when you could both have had a quiet day to recover.

Hulababy Mon 29-Feb-16 18:33:51

I can't ever imagine staying in bed all day while my equally sick husband dealt with our child all day on his own.


Surely it depends on how sick you are? If well enough to run around after a toddler, then well enough for work surely?

When I was off with pneumonia I spent over a fortnight mostly in bed. DH wouldn't have dreamt of me getting up and chipping in to do housework, even for the couple of days he had a cold virus.

Why? Because he loves me enough to know I was ill and needed rest. It'd be the same the other way round too.

And even more so when there was a childminder option available!

BathtimeFunkster Mon 29-Feb-16 18:34:17

Can you easily afford a full day of extra childcare?

Would you have been expected to facilitate that while he stated in bed?

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