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to let my 14 yr old collect my 8yr old

(56 Posts)
memorial Mon 29-Feb-16 15:23:39

From this year Dd1 (14 and half very sensible) has been collecting DD2 (8 very sensible) from school, ONE day a week. The other 2 days I work my excellent CM has her.
This day they both have activities so its helpful to have them both at home and ready to go when I get in.
Dd1 walks from her sec school at 2:40 finish, to DD2 primary in our village, to collect at 3:20, then they walk home 500 yards away.
Home at 3:30, Dd1 makes them a sandwhich, they get ready, and I am home 5:30 for their activity.
They both like it, I give Dd1 some pocket money and DD2 feels grown up. Win win. And no mad rush when I get home.
Except now the school says she cant collect her because shes not 16. CM could collect her from the class, walk her to the gate and hand over to DD1, but what a ridiculous farce. I have asked where these regulations are, but they have just got arsey with me.
AI really being that unreasonable??

willconcern Mon 29-Feb-16 15:25:59

What year is DD2 in?

At our school, the children can walk home alone without being collected by anyone, from year 4, so long as a parent has written in to authorise them to be allowed to do so.

I agree with you, it's ridiculous. I am not aware of any regulations that say this. They have got arsey because there are none, I suspect.....

boredofusername Mon 29-Feb-16 15:28:29

No you are not being unreasonable. At my son's junior school lots of the kids were collected by their older siblings from secondary school, some of whom would have been year 7 and therefore 11. Also they spilled out into the playground so the school wouldn't know who was collecting who.

Infant school children had to be collected from the door, and I think they probably insisted on an adult or maybe an older sibling, I'm not sure, but that was 7 years and under, not 8 years old and older.

14 is an accepted age for babysitting and is therefore fine to collect a sibling. I don't think the school should be getting arsey. They may threaten to report you to social services? Who cares. SS has better things to do than worry about 14 year olds walking their 8 year old siblings home 500 yards.

Katenka Mon 29-Feb-16 15:29:46

I don't have a 14 year so can't say definitely.

But in those circumstances I wouldn't . Because my 11 year old is quite immature when it comes to stuff like this.

It may have changed a lot by the time she is 14. Or not grin

But in your circumstances it sounds fine. What year are they both in?

Why have the school set 16 as the age? Is there a reason for it? Something happened before?

Many older kids in uniform pick up their siblings at our school.

ladyflower23 Mon 29-Feb-16 15:30:37

I don't think that 14 is too young to be collecting a younger sibling from school. Especially an 8 year old. A few years ago now, but I started walking home from school by myself when I was 8 (did live very close).

Sirzy Mon 29-Feb-16 15:30:58

Our school ask for people picking up to be over 16, I don't think that's an unreasonable rule, but to suddenly change the rule when it's been happening all year seems unfair.

PortobelloRoad Mon 29-Feb-16 15:32:41

That's ridiculous imo. My older ones go to private and my youngest goes to state so their holidays don't match up, the teens always pick up the little one when they're off school and do a snack and whatever, he's also 8. It's never been a problem with the school or the kids. This is in central london too so not the safest place on earth. It's not unusual at all. Many working parents with teens and small kids do this.

DramaQueen38 Mon 29-Feb-16 15:35:15

I am watching with interest as I am considering letting my sensible 13 year old collect her sensible 9 year old sibling from the same wider school site and walk the 15 mins home. (using 2 zebra crossings..) before too long, possibly even right after Easter.

Seems fine to me!

5madthings Mon 29-Feb-16 15:36:20

It's quite common at our primary for high school age siblings to collect younger ones from school. The high school actually finishes earlier and is a short walk away. My own elder kids have collected siblings.

Given that by age 9 mine have been walking on their own if the school had introduced a rule like this I would have just told them to meet off school grounds and walk together.

If this is an ongoing arrangement and they have suddenly changed rules with no warning then that's not really Ok.

memorial Mon 29-Feb-16 15:36:59

DD1 is Year 9 but Sept birthday so oldest in her year.
DD2 is Year 3 December birthday.
From Year 4 I believe they can walk home alone, so we are talking a matter of months.
Both girls are very good sensible girls, and I have absolutely no qualms about this.
DD1 has babysat DD2 on the odd occasion as well.
This is just an inconvenience for me, and seems really silly. I wonder what they will do if I just keep sending DD1 that day, I am in work (GP) so cannot just leave to get her.
I am acutely aware of SS regs so know this isnt "illegal" and I am certainly not putting them at any risk.

TantrumsAndBalloons Mon 29-Feb-16 15:39:10

I had the same thing when my DS was 14 and collecting ds2 who was 9.
I wrote a letter to the school giving my written permission and they were happy with that.

fabhead Mon 29-Feb-16 15:40:11

This seems perfectly fine to me and I would anticipate doing teh same in a few years, my eldest is 11

Groovee Mon 29-Feb-16 15:43:51

It's the same from nursery for us. They have to be 16.

Our after school club issued those guidelines after the care inspectorate told them too.

memorial Mon 29-Feb-16 15:46:48

For infant children up to year 2 I kinda get it, as they are littler and its a bigger responsibility for them. From juniors I think its silly. Both girls will be disappointed unless I get my poor CM to walk over just to hand Dd2 over to DD1!

AugustRose Mon 29-Feb-16 15:53:28

That seems perfectly fine to me, children in our small primary often have an older sibling collecting them. Also quite a few walk home by themselves from year 5 so I don't understand why someone collecting them would need to be over 16.

I would just write a letter, simply stating your position that you have entrusted DD2 into DD1's care and that will continue to happen.

Fifi10 Mon 29-Feb-16 15:58:13

When I was teaching I was told that only over 16's could collect from primary school, although they contradicted this by allowing children in KS2 to walk home alone if they had written parental permission.

I have no idea why, and at the time didn't question it as it is a bit bonkers. I don't think it's unreasonable at all for a 14yo (who could legally babysit alone at home) to be collecting from school. I used to collect my younger brothers at this age without anyone batting an eyelid in the late 90s.

TooMuchOfEverything Mon 29-Feb-16 16:09:55

From Y4 the children leave school by themselves here. So the school has no idea who (if anyone) is collecting them.

Obviously this is unless they have SEN in which case the school customises for them.

2016IsANewYearforMe Mon 29-Feb-16 16:12:07

I think it is ridiculous.

My kids started walking home alone at 9 years old on the odd day and consistently by year 6. After all, when they are 11 in year 7 most of them will have to make their way to school alone and back everyday. Best to start with small steps.

An 8 year old being collected by a 14 year old seems perfectly reasonable to me.

EllenJanethickerknickers Mon 29-Feb-16 16:13:23

I agree it seems over cautious. Could you ask another parent to 'pick up' your DD2 and hand her over to your DD1. It wouldn't be a particularly onerous task if they were already in the playground?

SirChenjin Mon 29-Feb-16 16:14:34

My eldest 2 had to be 16 to collect the youngest from the after school club (legal requirement, so I was told) which was a massive PITA as we live a 2 minute walk (literally) from it. Funnily enough, that rule doesn't apply to picking him up from schoolconfused

YANBU

Junosmum Mon 29-Feb-16 16:14:45

YADNBU. (I'm a social worker) sounds like a very sensible arrangement to me.

glamorousgrandmother Mon 29-Feb-16 16:16:41

When I was teaching we used to say children should be collected by over 16s - until someone challenged it and the HT contacted the LA. It turned out there is no actual law about this and if the parent thinks the older child is capable then it's OK. In the case that I described I wouldn't have left the older child in charge of anything but the parent's wishes were what counted.

Headofthehive55 Mon 29-Feb-16 16:16:53

My 14 year olds have collected younger siblings from school.

I the only problem I had was once when the older child got kept in at school, class detention apparently to catch up some controlled assessment and so wasn't able to ring me as due to regulations no phone nor was able to go to school office to get them to ring me.

I think some schools do make being a parent harder than it needs to be.

SmellySourdough Mon 29-Feb-16 16:17:32

yanbu
our school lets dc from y3 leave on their own, if permission in writing is given by parents.

liz70 Mon 29-Feb-16 16:18:44

DD3 (six) had a school disco last week from 6.30 to 7.30 PM. I had DD1 (sixteen) drop her off and DD2 (fifteen) bring her back. No issues from the school. I'd have no problem with your situation.

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