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Aibu about 9 year old and netflix

(8 Posts)
kiki22 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:09:17

This is a bit of an odd situation my neice is 9 she lives with my mum full time due to sisters mental health issues, I help alot with her she comes on all family holidays/days out with us and has a bed at my house too, the school and gp have me as a contact so I am able to attend any school meetings and make decisions for her in addition to my mum.

So here is the aibu bit, she has Netflix on her tablet that I pay for, its our ACC we all use each with our own section however some of the things she likes to watch are under not accessible I'm the kids profile she has so I allowed her to go onto mine to watch these things for example my babysitters a vampire. The condition on this is she must always ask before she watches anything on it so we can check its suitable. The problem is I have just discovered my mum has let her watch pretty little liars and the vampire diaries I was really annoyed my mum's excuse was my sister (her mum who has MH issues and lost custody) said they were fine for her. I've said if it's not monitored more closely I will be forced to change my password and my neice will no longer have access to Netflix at all.

My mum thinks it's unfair, which I do agree it is however if I can't trust my mum to monitor it, and check with a responsible adult like me or dp if she's unsure then I don't feel comfortable with giving her access. You can bet if she mentions to a teacher that she's been watching vampires kill ppl and we get called to school my mum will be pointing the finger at me then. So aibu??

RoganJosh Mon 29-Feb-16 10:10:42

What rating are those films?

MsJamieFraser Mon 29-Feb-16 10:17:19

yabu, the school wont care what she's watching, they cant regulate what care givers allow their children to do.

If you feel strongly about it then cancel the subscription, however you cant undermine your mum, she is the child's care giver, not you, just because your allowed access to information does not make you the one to ultimately decide what the child watches.

I dont think YABU fully, but you or your dh aren't the only responsible adults in the childs lives, their are others and tbh half the bloodly country allow their children to watch non age appropriate TV viewings, even bloody schools.

It depends on the child's maturity.

kiki22 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:36:48

I'm not sure on ratings but the vampire diaries at least is rates 15+ on common sense media.

The reason I bring up the school is because we go to meetings with her teacher because of some of the behaviours she has displayed due to the neglect and some of the things she has seen with her mum. She's quite a fragile child her dad died of a drug over dose and her mum lives 5 mins away but rarely sees her so she can be easily upset and struggles with feeling rejected, I feel and the school agrees that she has had to many adult things to deal with already and how she deals with it is regressing which we don't want.

I know I can't stop her watching but I don't want to be held responsible for it if anything was to come from it, last year a little boy in my street flashed his willy at the little girls out playing and I got so much shit for exposing her to this kind of thing from my mum. My mum holds me responsible for a lot of her care as its too much for my mum to deal with alone its a lot of pressure for me.

AndNowItsSeven Mon 29-Feb-16 10:42:26

Pretty little liars and vampire diaries are not suitable for a nine year old at all. Is you mum poor at pare timing in other areas? Could your dn live with you full time?
It seems like your DM wants to make your dn happy rather than what is best for her. Would she be more suited simply as a grandma.

kiki22 Mon 29-Feb-16 10:51:47

I've begged to keep her full time I think she would do better with us, my mum's in her 50's she just wants a quiet life her parenting style is very laid back it was with us too but dn needs lots of structure and boundrys. I would need to fight for her and I think that might be worse for her and the family as a whole so I do what I can.

The convo with dn went auntie kiki whats vamp sex? After a 20 second mini freak out in my head I had to find out what the heck had been going on, my mum's answer was your sister said it will be fine. The sister that's a bipolar manic depressive alki, oh wonderful it must be fine then. Then I got a hard time for not telling my mum before she watched it confused

theycallmemellojello Mon 29-Feb-16 11:22:41

Yanbu at all. Is there a way you can subscribe to kids only Netflix?

WonderingAspie Mon 29-Feb-16 11:48:19

I don't think you can trust your mum to not let her watch things so the only solution is to not let her have access to Netflix unless you are there to supervise what she is watching.

It's a shame she can't live with you. It doesn't sound as if it's great her living with your laid back mum if she's referring parenting decisions to your sister, who is clearly not capable of being a parent!

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