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AIBU?

Pregnancy reactions, Aibu?

28 replies

TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 09:22

DP and I are expecting our first child. We have been together for two years and we both have children from previous marriages.

The pregnancy wasn't planned but we are happy.

He told his family at 12 weeks. I am estranged from half of my family (long story) but the few people I have told are happy for us.

Since telling his family none of them have contacted me, not even a text to say congratulations and some haven't even got back to him on hearing the news.

I don't know if I'm being hormonal and over expectant. I've been really struggling with the pregnancy so a 'how are you?' Would be nice. I just feel pretty lonely and ill at the moment...

Aibu?

OP posts:

Report

rageagainsttheBIL · 29/02/2016 09:31

YANBU but maybe they think they've kind of congratulated you through him?

Personally I found having everyone on the planet, mainly well meaning colleagues, asking me "how are you feeling?" every 5 minutes when the answer was 'shit actually' did my head right in.

rageagainsttheBIL · 29/02/2016 09:31

Do you get on with them?

PurpleDaisies · 29/02/2016 09:33

Presumably the said congratulation when he told them? What else were you expecting?

TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 09:36

The last time we saw them we were bickering a lot. It was over Christmas, we went to stay with them.

I didn't realise I was pregnant although very tired, emotional and sick. It was my first Christmas without my DC so was feeling very tearful. DP said I was being rude but I don't think I was, quiet perhaps but not rude.

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afternoonsun · 29/02/2016 09:43

I would assume that if they're like most thoughtless people, they have congratulated him and assume they don't need to say it to you.
I found during pregnancy and now I'm a mum, a lot of people disregard me completely. DP is always spoken to first, DD gets a lot of fuss and I'm just in the background (especially now it's established she is a "good" baby and I have no pregnancy symptoms to comment on)
Hopefully they will sort themselves out and be a bit more supportive but if not just brush it off. Pregnancy brings out the thoughtless in a lot of people.

Griphook · 29/02/2016 09:48

But do you text each other about other things, if not I don't think it's that strange really.

CreamofTartar · 29/02/2016 09:50

If my brother announced he and his partner were expecting a baby, I would congratulate the two of them via him, if he was the one to contact me - it wouldn't occur to me to contact her separately.

Or, in view of your last post, if you were visibly not getting on as recently as Christmas, it's possible they were expecting him to announce you had broken up, and were completely taken aback when he said you were having a baby.

TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 10:04

If my brother announced he and his wife were expecting I'd congratulate him then either call her or send a lovely message, I'd be really exited!

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TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 10:06

I do think they are shocked. I'm just worried it's shocked in a bad way rather than shocked in a surprised way, iyswim.

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WorraLiberty · 29/02/2016 10:08

If my brother announced he and his wife were expecting I'd congratulate him then either call her or send a lovely message, I'd be really exited!

But do you have the same relationship with his wife, as your DP's family has with you?

PurpleDaisies · 29/02/2016 10:09

trublue you'll save yourself a lot of heartache if you make peace with the fact that your pregnancy isn't as interesting to anyone else as it is to you, especially since you already have other children. I'm not sure it's the norm to contact both the father and mother to be to say congrats. It would never occur to me to do this, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect people to be as excited as you are.

ComeonSummer1 · 29/02/2016 10:09

Of your dp thought you were rude to them then maybe they arnt sure how you be if they did contact you.

Why don't you text or call his dm/dsis and break the ice?

Deletetheheat · 29/02/2016 10:09

Sounds like there is a lot of argy bargy between you all.

I'm assuming you saying you were 'hormonal' and your partner said you were rude means you caused some problems!

TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 10:10

I'm really not close to brothers wife, but would still be exited.

I dunno, I'm probably overthinking this, maybe they're just not ones for getting giddy over baby/wedding/etc news.

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CooPie10 · 29/02/2016 10:11

But if your dp thought you were rude to them and you all were bickering a lot, then I don't think you can expect to have the close relationship. It doesn't seem like it is.

EponasWildDaughter · 29/02/2016 10:12

this, probably.

My SIL was on the brink of splitting up with her DP - lots of arguments and nastiness, right down to sorting details of moving back in with PIL. Long chats round the table telling us how she hated her DP, how they were incompatible and never did get on. How he ignores her eldest DC (not his), ignores her etc. She needed to be away from him.

2 weeks later she announces she's pregnant, that they'd been TTCing very hard for over a year, and everything was hunky dory now.

It was a bit [confusing] Everyone trod very carefully with the pregnancy excitement as we didn't know which way it was all going to go tbh.

maybe they're just not ones for getting giddy over baby/wedding/etc news.

Or it could just be this!

Congrats OP

dolkapots · 29/02/2016 10:16

They may feel that they have done their congratulating through your DP already. They may also be shocked and a bit Mmm as you don't have a great relationship. Don't take it personally.

Congrats by the way

BaronessBomburst · 29/02/2016 10:18

My SIL's reaction to hearing I was pregnant was an email saying "we've heard your news and just wanted to let you know that we've decided to have no children at our wedding" (four months after my due date).
Seven years on and I still haven't forgotten.

BaronessBomburst · 29/02/2016 10:20

Sorry. Bit of me-railing there.
Congratulations!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/02/2016 10:22

I didnt even receive a congratulations off my mother and father- for any of the pregnancies! I did of course when they were born safely and in their lives and they love them to bits! On the other hand when I was getting 'congratulations' off people I barely knew it didnt really have that much meaning iykwim- its almost like people feel its expected?

BadDoGooder · 29/02/2016 10:32

When we told MIL I was pregnant (DP has 2 much older children with his ex) there was a pause then "why are you keeping it!?"
She hated the idea of him having another child with someone who wasn't his "perfect" she's not ex.
DP and me were furious at her for it, but as soon as DS was born she was smitten, so I've let it go.

At least they didn't ask you that!
I found that because DP had other children it seemed to make people uncomfortable for some reason.

WorraLiberty · 29/02/2016 10:32

Is he close to his other children?

Congrats btw

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BadDoGooder · 29/02/2016 10:34

Oh, and congratulations, obviously!

TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 10:34

Thanks all for helping me get some perspective.

Baroness that sounds awful !

Worra yes he is, he spends every weekend with his DS and most holidays.

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TrueBlu · 29/02/2016 10:35

And thanks for the congratulation

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