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To believe my friend prefers me when I'm single

(4 Posts)
BG2015 Sun 28-Feb-16 20:38:45

I've known my best friend since high school. We've been through a lot together, marriage, children, divorces and subsequent relationship break ups.

We've supported each other along the way with coffee, wine, tearful phone calls, great nights out and just someone to listen talk to. She's been a good friend to me and I to her I hope.

She's a very confident person, quite opinionated and brusque, she often says what she thinks and sometimes it can be quite hurtful. I too am not a shrinking violet and can hold my own but I'm a bit more diplomatic with things I say.

We both have good jobs, mine is better paid than hers (which she has pointed out to me at times) and I believe she is very slightly jealous about this.

She's been with her DP for 5 years or so, not her soulmate (she says) but he's a decent man. I'm in a newish relationship, just 16 months and he moved in with me last month. She was surprised at this. And I don't think my DP sits well with her as he isnt my usual type, I think she thinks I could do better.

Over the past year I've seen her about 5/6 times, most of which have been instigated and arranged by me. I've tried to keep the lines of communication open but I feel it's a bit one sided recently.

We've had times like this when our children were younger but now I feel like there is something more.

Or it might just be me being sensitive. I'm nearly 50, I thought I'd got this relationship thing sorted!

NeedToMoveHouse Sun 28-Feb-16 23:25:57

From what you've said, it seems you're making a lot of assumptions. The fact being that you haven't seen your friend as often as you'd like, despite several attempts to make plans but you don't actually know the reason why and you're just guessing. Can you not ask her why? In a friendly, supportive way, maybe asking if she's been busy and could do with a break?

What are you offering when you try and arrange things? A friend of mine went through a bizarre phase of only agreeing to plans if her DP was involved confused that got shit very quick. You might just be overthinking things, there could be a good reason why she's flakey lately.

threeplusme Sun 28-Feb-16 23:35:48


Could it be that there is something else going on in your BF's life that is causing this lack of communication? Has work been more hectic? Family issues?

If you have been through so much together, both when you are in and out of relationships, I can't see it being the fact you're not single. Unless, of course she is jealous of the relationship you now have. How is her relationship?

If she is as sure of her opinions as you suggest she would have been up-front about not liking your new DP if that was the case. And she is entitled to her opinion, doesn't mean she's right.

I wouldn't but the blame on yourself, there may be something else you are not aware of. Just keep your communications to her ongoing, make sure she knows you are still there for her and if you're worried, ask her straight out.

Hope you get stuff sorted, maybe suggest a night out, having a drink and being honest with each other.

BG2015 Mon 29-Feb-16 21:36:19

Thanks for your advice. I'm probably over thinking all of this.

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