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To be considering going to the media?

(58 Posts)
Eliza22 Sun 28-Feb-16 17:29:50

My DS is in Yr 10, mainstream secondary school with asd attachment. In each year he has attended from Yr7, he has had problems with bullying. The bully was eventually removed from the school. The following year a huge safeguarding mistake by school, resulting in DS being involved in a sexual assault which was handled badly by social services and we had a written apology from them, relating to this, occurred. The boy involved (they assured me) had had "interventions" and would never be in contact with DS again. This year, the boy has again been harassing/verbally abusing DS. I have had so many meetings with school (the senco/head/pastoral care head) and it just rumbles on. Additionally, DS has no friends. Never has. Wanders around on his own and states "it's just how it is". When he's approached peers to "hang out" they tell him to f**k off. He is called "paedophile/spaz/ugly/weirdo" and many other forms of abuse.

Recently two things happened.

1). Ofsted report....I contacting one of the inspectors and explained our experience of this school. They simply weren't interested in "individual cases". I now have a copy of their recent report where the woman I spoke to gives a)special recommendation for safeguarding and b) comments on the whole school inclusivity being excellent amongst peers.

2). This school has been chosen as one of six to represent our area for a study of Emotionally Healthy Schools Project .... Their artwork has been chosen as the official logo to front the campaign.

AIBU to be aghast at this? It is NOT an emotionally healthy school. I know of other pupils who's parents removed them from the school because of bullying. I have another mum who contacted me to say her child would not be returning as her child is being bullied and they are not taking it seriously.

What's the point of Ofsted? I brought to their attention a serious safeguarding breakdown (the police were involved) and the woman was not interested

I want to scream!

Owllady Sun 28-Feb-16 17:33:19

Your poor son sad is there nowhere else he can go to school? (I take it he has ADD?)
I wouldn't go to the press if I felt it would expose a vulnerable minor further tbh

Eliza22 Sun 28-Feb-16 17:37:58

I've tried to have him moved. One school couldn't accommodate his timetable (which IS excellent) and the other has no Yr10 set up yet (new school).

DS has asd.

Agree, don't want to expose him to further distress but I'm sick of the massive hypocrisy.

Cookiemonstar Sun 28-Feb-16 17:43:42

Have PMd you with some advice

CooPie10 Sun 28-Feb-16 17:47:13

How absolutely heartbreaking for you and your dssad I'm shocked at what he has been going through. And you are definite correct about the hypocrisy. Why wasn't the boy who assaulted him removed from the school. You poor ds then has to be subjected to all the name calling . Sorry I don't have anything useful to advise just to say I really feel for you and your boy.thanks

RitaVinTease Sun 28-Feb-16 18:19:36


I dont have a good experience of passing a problem to the media. People were outraged but it didnt solve anything and caused a backlash afterwards But thats just my experience.

Ask your son what he wants to do, and see if he can change schools.

Eliza22 Sun 28-Feb-16 18:25:19

Impossible now, to change schools.

I think what I WILL do is present my grievance to the the School Govenors.

BillSykesDog Sun 28-Feb-16 18:42:24

I think going to the media would create even more trauma for your DS. Even if he wasn't identified people would know it was him and the whispering and attention would not be nice and would make things much harder for him.

Was your son the victim of the assault? It's not clear from you post.

Is changing schools an option?

BillSykesDog Sun 28-Feb-16 18:44:09

Sorry x post.

Eliza22 Sun 28-Feb-16 18:48:17

Yes, Victim. Went on over a period of months. I knew something was wrong. Contacted nowhere.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 28-Feb-16 18:48:46

I agree that OFSTEAD is pointless -

DD was bullied and lots of children have moved schools 4 out of year 6 before Xmas - there is no question asked for reason for leaving - so no records -

It's appalling - maybe the press would do an OFSTEAD feature on why this is n issue? Rather than DS?

Sorry no help even the MP (have you tried them?) got no where

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 28-Feb-16 18:49:11

Did you get police involved?

VertigoNun Sun 28-Feb-16 18:49:48

Your case is much worse that ours.

I exhausted complaints.

The way families are treated when there are disabilities by agencies is a scandle. Professionals use CP as a way to keep people quiet, all these people care for are their career and agency budget. Any professional who doesn't toe the line is punished.

We look upon groups of people past like CSA/Phillomenia and so forth as if it's not going on now when it is.

Local press is your best bet then sell on to the national press. Involve politicians too.

Word of warning , your child deserves privacy and you will have these agencies try to destroy you so bear that in mind.

LuluJakey1 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:08:48

The police and the LADO should have been informed when your son was sexually assaulted. Did that happen?

The other student should have been removed from the school and placed elsewhere.

It is very strange that nne of this seems to have happened. Was it dealt with as a sexual assault or morphed into something else eg two students with ASD not understanding what they were doung really?

I ask because as a Deputy Head in a secondary school I dealt with a case like this- a 16 year old with ASD who was sexually abused on several occasions by another 16 year old who was one of his friends. The boy told another student who told me. We involved parents, social services and LADO and the police.

The abuser - it was touching- was removed immediately and took his exams at another exam centre. He admitted it and was cautioned by poluce as I recall.

I am astonished by what you are reporting. It is a safeguarding incident and should have been dealt with as such but seems not to have been.

TheChimpParadox Sun 28-Feb-16 19:11:35

Lulu - why would the LADO be involved if the alleged preparatory was a child - unless their was some serious neglect by teachers ? If so what was the LADO outcome ? Intrigued by why they would be involved.

Yoksha Sun 28-Feb-16 19:18:10

My grandson was sexually abused in y7 by a yr 10 boy in high school. My daughter involved the police. My grandson was interviewed at the local rape suite in the hospital. The pupil concerned was expelled, put on a sex offender's register and goes to a young offenders school. The school couldn't have been more supportive and provided counselling for him.

LuluJakey1 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:22:04

Because a student had been sexually assualted and it was a safeguarding and potential health and safety issue and the student involved was extremely vulnerable.

We examined exactly what had happened to see if we had been neglectful in some way as it had happened at lunchtime on our site. We hadn't been but we might have.

I am surprised you think the LADO might not have been involved. In our LA they would have been involved in any serious allegation made by or against a child that was safety or safeguarding related. It was part of the safeguarding procedures. The perpetrator was 16.

Fannyupcrutch Sun 28-Feb-16 19:23:25

As a mum that has an ASD son I have been through this myself. My son, in year 7, spent at least 3 hours hiding up a tree in all weathers from bullies and the school didn't even think to notify me and when they did it was to say he was a screw up ad wasn't fit for mainstream school (!). My son was 11 and had no friends at all. I was devastated when it all came out and moved him immediately. He was so miserable and withdrawn. He started in the January of year 7 at a new school and the change is immense. He is now in year 11 and doing his GCSE's. The boy I have now is an exact polar opposite of that boy I had at 11. he is now in the drama group, has a circle of friends, does extra=curricular activities and is expected 12 A*, A and B grades. It can get better and your son could blossom.

Go to the police over every single incident. Your son is a victim of disability hate crime as he is seen as an easy target. Keep a diary of every tiny event. Go to the LEA. Go to the governors. Call your MP. You are the only voice your son has and the only way that you are going to implement change. Make a point of communicating with the school via email so you have a record of everything. Become friendly with your local neighbourhood beat bobby and ask them to send a child protection officer to see your sons school. But most important is the paper trail of evidence of you asking for help for every single problem and then the school failing to meet their duty of care. Do you have a list of dates/times/events already? it may be worth you sitting down and listing everything and clearly stating your concerns, the effects of the issues and what you expect to happen. Then copy it to your MP and also to the head governor. Do not be intimidated by these people, they are just people wth a degree and a year of teacher training. They work for your son and they are failing him horrendously. ( I also had to do all of this ^ this for my eldest daughter who was ironically almost bullied to suicide at the school that did such wonderful things for my son).

Can you help him to join new clubs out of school? Even just one friend would be better than none. My heart is breaking for you and your boy, I know exactly how this feels. Please feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

TheChimpParadox Sun 28-Feb-16 19:24:03

Eliza22 - you could also consider writing to the Chair of your LSCB - local children's safeguarding board.

vjg13 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:25:57

I think your idea of taking it to the governors officially is better. Will your son have just one more year after this?

TheChimpParadox Sun 28-Feb-16 19:28:02

LADO deal with allegations made against people who work or volunteer with children. ( those people may be a child themselves )

However if it's your local practice to involve them every time there is a child on child abuse then so be it - but I would have thought it's not in their remit.

TheChimpParadox Sun 28-Feb-16 19:30:15

Meant to add that if as you mention there may have been an element of neglect by staff then I understand there involvement.

GrumpyOldBag Sun 28-Feb-16 19:39:18

I work in the media and would not advise you to go that route - it can backfire horribly. And your son may well feel humiliated by the exposure that he gets as a result.

And once the press get onto something you have very little control over how they portray you.

I would suggest contacting your local councillor, and also the one with the portfolio for education/children's services and maybe also your MP if you don't get anywhere through official channels.

But don't go to the media, it may backfire horribly.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 28-Feb-16 19:39:27

I cannot begin to imagine your suffering op, as a mother.

I feel so sad for you.

I would not go to the press at this point but I would contact your local MP.

I often hear stories of schools doing nothing to tackle bullying yet I don't understand what the hell they're thinking! Why do they think it's ok to allow a child to be hurt!

The school as you will know have a duty of care to your son, if they are failing in that then shout it from the roof tops.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 28-Feb-16 19:46:38

Please ask for a copy of the complaints procedure - it will outline

Action needed - review date - parents involved - out comes etc - this is a parents guide to expected service level - for want of a better word!!

See where they are failing and start pointing it out

To the MP Govenors: on X occasion I had no reply - on y occasion I had no review -

Then in any emails state

I want X to happen and Y involved

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