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To just not understand people who interrupt?

(204 Posts)
MattDillonsPants Sun 28-Feb-16 14:15:10

I've had to have a serious word to DH today because of his bad habit of interrupting. We had a friend to stay for two days and nights and this friend is a VERY funny guy. He's a brilliant story teller and a great listener so I was MADDENED by DH's constant interruptions.

He'd interrupt our friend AND me in mid flow...DH isn't shy and gets his turn to speak but that wasn't enough and he wanted OUR turns too.

I asked him about it...also pointed out that his habit of entering a room already speaking loudly as he comes in is BAD. He does this and ruins current conversations.

Why do people do it? He says he might forget what he has to say but I'm dumbfounded by that...if someone's telling a great story, WHY would you ruin it like that? SO selfish.

I was kind about it because I think he had no idea how bad it was....he took it on board and also apologised to our friend who was interested in the habit...he wanted to know where it comes from because he's the sort ofguy who loves learning more about people. ANyway...if you do this why?

IHeartKingThistle Sun 28-Feb-16 14:19:06

I has to train myself out of starting to speak before the other person had finished talking, and I still catch myself doing it occasionally. I think it comes from growing up with lots of siblings and busy parents and having to 'leap in' when I could to get there attention. I love listening to people too, so it's not a lack of respect thing, though I know that's how it comes across!

IHeartKingThistle Sun 28-Feb-16 14:19:33

Had not has!

IHeartKingThistle Sun 28-Feb-16 14:20:02

Oh my god their not there!

Lj8893 Sun 28-Feb-16 14:20:53

I do this sometimes, I just get so excited and into what someone is saying I blurt out my input if that makes sense. I know it's awful and I do really try not to, and I always apologise once I've done it.

MattDillonsPants Sun 28-Feb-16 14:22:01

I think it comes of not listening properly. If you're listening carefully and taking in what's being said, then you're wanting to hear what's coming next. Your own observations can wait.

gingerboy1912 Sun 28-Feb-16 14:24:20

I am guilty of this when having a lively conversation with several others. I tend to get over excited and butt in. It drives my brother mad. I do try not to do it. blush

DerelictDaughter Sun 28-Feb-16 14:24:34

I do it, and I can honestly say it's because my brain is working on processing about seventeen things at the same time. If I've gone quiet, and someone starts speaking, unfortunately it doesn't mean my brain is quite finished, and I often absolutely not deliberately interrupt because I need to finish what I was saying.

There's no way the other person could know I was not finished. I mean, I didn't know it myself. grin

I do work on it. It's the product of a very busy brain. I apologise.

WipsGlitter Sun 28-Feb-16 14:25:34

My sister does this. And DP. I did use the "sorry for speaking while you were interrupting" line on him recently. I think my sister generally isn't listening and with DP it's nerves.

CooPie10 Sun 28-Feb-16 14:26:16

Yanbu it's very, very rude. It just cuts the other person off and demands attention to his story. He can learn to control himself, he isn't a small child who has yet to learn manners. We had a friend who constantly did this, until we just started ignoring her and Continued speaking and no one turned to listen to her and give her the attention.
So you had two people speaking and eventually she just went quiet.

Tanfastic Sun 28-Feb-16 14:26:17

My mum is terrible for this but I also find myself doing it too sometimes. In fact me and my mum were having a conversation about it only yesterday!

She said the reason she does it (which is the same reason I do it) is because if someone is speaking and you think of something you want to say but you know that other person is going to be a long time speaking, you interrupt because if you don't by the time they finish you've forgotten what it was you wanted to say.

It's rude though isn't it?!blush

My memory is shot and I've really made an effort in the last few years not to interrupt because I know I find it bloody annoying!

Because of this I find myself saying a lot..."sorry I've forgotten what I was going to say now". But I suppose it lets other people speak so ....

TerrorAustralis Sun 28-Feb-16 14:27:39

My DH is terrible for this. He continually interrupts me with what he thinks I'm going to say next and is usually wrong. It drives me up the wall.

Most people don't listen well - they're thinking about what they are going to say next and waiting for an opportunity to speak, rather than paying full attention to the person speaking.

Lj8893 Sun 28-Feb-16 14:28:50

I do listen well, I just get way overexcited.

MattDillonsPants Sun 28-Feb-16 14:30:10

Yes it's very rude to shove your thoughts in "in case you forget them" I don't care if DH forgets his words because I'm listening to my friend speak! He's telling a story ffs.

ToastDemon Sun 28-Feb-16 14:33:30

I do this sometimes, although I try really hard not to and I have got better at it.
I definitely don't do it from rudeness or arrogance - I am not very good at the "timing" of conversations, especially over the phone, and I get a bit over-excited sometimes as well.
I do cut myself off and apologise if I catch myself doing it.

lanbro Sun 28-Feb-16 14:33:48

Dh does it to, really annoying but I do tell him repeatedly. Another friend does it, with the most inane rubbish so I just continue talking loudly over her!

Dh does this too - sometimes I say to him, "I'm sorry, did the middle of MY sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?" - with this hmm face.

ilovesooty Sun 28-Feb-16 14:35:00

I've had to train myself out of it. My father uses to time us with a stop watch at dinner. If you hadn't finished by when your time was up the next person got to speak. It gave me quite a lot of anxiety.

CooPie10 Sun 28-Feb-16 14:35:05

I think the 'I'll forget' or I'm 'overexcited' are just poor excuses to be rude. Surely you can see that shoving your words in the middle of someone else's train of thought is extremely bad manners. You can learn to control yourself, you choose not to.

TheSkiingGardener Sun 28-Feb-16 14:35:58

I have a lovely, lovely MIL but she has verbal diarrhoea. She will often interrupt when you are speaking and has been know to not leave a gap in speaking for over 10 minutes to allow anyone else a chance to speak.

So I decided that if she interrupted me I would of to quiet it would carry on talking. This then happened and we were both speaking at the same time as I carried on with my sentence which she had interrupted. Within 10 seconds she had stamped her feet and said "but I was talking!!!!" Like a sulky teenager. I pointed out to her that she had interrupted me to which she replied "that's not important..."

SevenSeconds Sun 28-Feb-16 14:35:59

My mum interrupts, and I have a tendency to do it too. I try not to!

It's not that I'm not listening though. In fact, it's usually because I'm listening so hard that I want to add my thoughts (to reinforce what they're saying or disagree with them or whatever). I guess my 'ideal' conversation is one in which everyone involved makes lots of short contributions, rather than if one person is doing a monologue. I do realise not everyone agrees with me though!

Tanfastic Sun 28-Feb-16 14:36:02

Yes I'm also a good listener, when I'm not shoving my thoughts in in case I forget obvs wink.

You need to be equally as rude in my opinion. When my mum does it I always say "would you mind he's trying to speak" but it's a bit of a standing joke now between the two of us.

He needs to train himself not to do it.

ilovesooty Sun 28-Feb-16 14:36:14

Oh and we had to sit in silence until the news on the radio had finished.

ToastDemon Sun 28-Feb-16 14:36:28

CooPie I don't do it because I think I'll forget something. I agree that's rude and arrogant.
I do sometimes interrupt just because I got excited by the conversation or mis-timed but that is not deliberate, I do try really hard not to and I will apologise.

MattDillonsPants Sun 28-Feb-16 14:36:32

Lanbro I tried talking over DH yesterday but somehow, I think male voices are harder to talk over. I'm pretty deep voiced, well enunciated etc but unless I literally SHOUTED, there was no way I was going to be heard over him. I also tried kicking him lightly every time he did was not even noticed! I tried frowning...totally over his head.

To his credit he has taken it on though.

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