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To look into having a baby without a partner?

(41 Posts)
spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 10:19:43

As in using anonymous sperm donation, I wasn't sure parenthood was for me but now I think it is and scared I will miss my chance (just turned 36.) sad

CalleighDoodle Sun 28-Feb-16 10:21:27

I dont think 36 is last chance saloon but certainly if you think you can manage financially why not? many people go it alone.

Fairenuff Sun 28-Feb-16 10:23:41

Have you looked into the cost of childcare OP, that would be the biggest expense.

Katenka Sun 28-Feb-16 10:24:39

It not a question of being reasonable.

This works for some not for others.

Some love parenting alone, some under estimate how hard it is alone.

If you can afford it (taking into consideration mat leave, working when the baby is old enough, finically security while you aren't working) and have thought about it seriously. I can't see why not

Katenka Sun 28-Feb-16 10:25:19

financial security, that should say

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 10:26:15

Thank you smile

I've googled some local nurseries and childcare is affordable, though obviously costly.

I understand 3 year olds will soon be entitled to 30 free hours? That will help.

Fairenuff Sun 28-Feb-16 10:27:44

That might change OP. It could be over four years before you have a 3 year old. Base it on worst case scenario. Do you have family who would be able to help if you or the child were sick, for example.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Sun 28-Feb-16 10:39:22


Do you have family locally who are in a position to help when child is sick and can't go to nursery/school? Are you financially secure enough to cover mat leave? Will you want to go part time after you return and could you afford to?

I really wouldn't rely on government policies not to change, and anyway the first three years childcare will presumably be the most expensive due to higher ratios for babies and no free hours.

Do you have friends with babies? If all your friends are single with no kids you may find you lose touch and could become isolated. How do you feel about baby groups/toddler groups etc?

But if you can afford it and have social support then why not? Plenty of people end up in your position after getting pregnant while in a relationship and the father leaves before baby is even born.

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 10:47:22

No, no one who could help.

I could afford childcare without government help, it's just another consideration if you like.

My friends mostly have young children. Baby groups might be awkward without a partner, I imagine.

Birdsgottafly Sun 28-Feb-16 10:48:41

I was widowed when my three were young, my husband was seriously ill from when my youngest was 14 months. I'm second generation immigrant.

You ideally need something incase you ever get ill. I contracted Pneumonia and if I hadn't of had my Mum to have them whilst I was in hospital, they would have, had to go into Foster Care.

Other than illness and a restriction on working hours, I honestly haven't struggled.

If I can't afford something, I live without it.

Birdsgottafly Sun 28-Feb-16 10:50:05

""Baby groups might be awkward without a partner, I imagine.""

They won't be, I take my Great Nephew and GD to classes, both CC and private and these days there's a mix.

HypnoticButton Sun 28-Feb-16 10:50:13

I wouldn't choose to have a child without a partner.

Babies are often the easy bit.

Bunbaker Sun 28-Feb-16 10:52:00

"Baby groups might be awkward without a partner, I imagine."

Why? It isn't usual for partners to go along to baby groups. I never saw any at any of the groups I took DD to.

You need to consider what back up you need if you are ill or your child is ill and you can't take time off work.

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 10:52:54

It's difficult Birds but am rarely ill, it's a huge thing to accept I won't have because I might get ill (if that made any sense!) sorry to hear you lost your husband x

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 10:53:20

No, I know Bun, but I imagine the assumption would be that there would be a partner somewhere!

Bunbaker Sun 28-Feb-16 10:54:23

"but I imagine the assumption would be that there would be a partner somewhere!"

Not in my experience, and that was at baby/toddler groups where most if not all the mums did have partners.

Oysterbabe Sun 28-Feb-16 10:57:12

I think the potential difficulties outlined here are important considerations but you'll figure it out and it's not worth missing your chance to have a child.

Birdsgottafly Sun 28-Feb-16 10:58:45

Do you accept the possibility of sleep deprivation and never having anytime for yourself, for two years.

I think that's crucial, as is being independent enough to not need emotional support through the teen years.

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 11:00:09

Does your last sentence mean me or the child, Birds? smile

Branleuse Sun 28-Feb-16 11:01:58

I think its a better idea than waiting around for a guy that may or may not happen or even be a good co-parent.

The rest of it is just things anyone has to consider when having a kid. Nothing unique to going it alone

Bunbaker Sun 28-Feb-16 11:02:50

"as is being independent enough to not need emotional support through the teen years."

I could have written that. DD is 15 and in the last year has had to deal with friendship issues, bullying, boyfriend issues, exam stress, self harming, depression, social anxiety and CAMHS appointments.

Honestly, looking after a toddler was a breeze compared to this.

FunkyPeacock Sun 28-Feb-16 11:04:24

YANBU if you feel you have the financial security, emotional strength & physical energy to do it alone BUT ......Please don't focus too heavily on whether you can manage with a baby/toddler alone, don't forget that it is a lifelong commitment to being a parent and the school age years can be challenging too - nursery age is far more straightforward with regards to childcare than having a school age child with 12/13 weeks of school holidays + teacher training days etc to cover

Xmasbaby11 Sun 28-Feb-16 11:05:23

There are the practicalities and the emotional aspects. If you don't have a partner you will need to build a community to support you and your child. No father is one thing (and that is tough). No grandparents, cousins uncles etc is another matter.

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 11:09:23

I do know that it's a lifetime commitment to be a parent wink

spottydresshighheels Sun 28-Feb-16 11:09:55

why, Xmas?

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