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AIBU to come off the pill without telling my husband

(149 Posts)
Essexgirl85 Sun 28-Feb-16 09:24:06

I've been married to my husband for over a year, we both want children but he doesn't want one just yet.

So AIBU if I stop taking contraception and don't tell him? I decided when we got together after talking about it with him that I would be on the pill, he has mild Cerebral Palsy and although he has worn condoms with previous partners it took him a while to put one on and it basically frustrated him and his partners and he hated having to plan when to have sex in advance.

I'm thinking that if I tell him he'll either never have sex with me or he'll use condoms which will be a passion killer, I'm not a massive fan of condoms anyway. If I don't tell him and I get pregnant I could say it's a 'happy accident', he'll be a great father and seeing how he is with friends children just makes me want children even more

phequer Sun 28-Feb-16 09:25:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottie2611 Sun 28-Feb-16 09:25:11

Yes . Extremely unreasonable

magoria Sun 28-Feb-16 09:25:17

You are being very unreasonable.

SoupDragon Sun 28-Feb-16 09:25:17

Don't be so bloody stupid. Of course it's unreasonable!

Imagine if you didn't want children yet and your DH made a hole in every condom or switched your pill for fakes.

Choughed Sun 28-Feb-16 09:26:02

Assuming this is real, then yes, you would be unbelievably unreasonable.

How would you like it if he had a vasectomy without telling you?

DelphiBlue Sun 28-Feb-16 09:26:33

Very unreasonable and he'd be totally reasonable in divorcing you if you did something so selfish and deceitful.

cbigs Sun 28-Feb-16 09:26:39

Op you must know how this is going to go...?

HermioneWeasley Sun 28-Feb-16 09:26:52

This is a wind up, right?

tilliebob Sun 28-Feb-16 09:27:01

Are you expecting a flurry of "that's a GREAT idea posts"?! hmm

If this isn't a wind up, well obviously YABU. About a zillion percent biscuit

Thisismyalias Sun 28-Feb-16 09:27:12

Very unreasonable.

Sallyingforth Sun 28-Feb-16 09:27:25

You are UNREASONABLE in the extreme. .

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 28-Feb-16 09:27:30

Yabu. So unreasonable. How can you possibly want to be so deceitful to someone you are supposed to love and respect?

ScoutsMam Sun 28-Feb-16 09:27:33

YABU. It's up to what you put in or on your body, but your husband has the right to know if you've stopped so he can make an informed decision about whether or not to have sex.

Birdsgottafly Sun 28-Feb-16 09:27:49

I agree with what's been said.

Have a serious discussion about how long he wants to wait and if you can compromise.

ilovesooty Sun 28-Feb-16 09:28:23

You really have to ask?

Only1scoop Sun 28-Feb-16 09:28:44

Yabu

And hopefully you have the intelligence and integrity to know that IRL

TheImprobableGirl Sun 28-Feb-16 09:29:51

If it is a case of you wanted to stop contraception to get pg then YABVU but if it's a case of you just want to stop taking it for medical reasons or otherwise, there are various options such as the 'natural method' you could discuss?

msrisotto Sun 28-Feb-16 09:31:01

This must be a piss take, you know that no one is going to say "Sure! What a great idea, trick your husband into conceiving a child."

mangocoveredlamb Sun 28-Feb-16 09:31:10

Could you live with that lie in your marriage for the rest of your life?

It is hard when you want a baby and your partner isn't ready, but having a baby is a big thing and it is so much easier when both parties are fully committed and go in with their eyes open!

AddToBasket Sun 28-Feb-16 09:31:19

Total breach of trust. YABU

CosyNook Sun 28-Feb-16 09:31:41

Having a child is a joint decision. We waited 5 years until we were ready, our home was decorated and we have savings (so I could go part-time).

If you husband has a slight disability it will impact on him more. Perhaps he wants to accomplish other things before having his time taken up caring for a baby and YOU.

Quietwhenreading Sun 28-Feb-16 09:32:04

Don't do it.

It is a terrible betrayal of your DH's trust.

You can't foist a baby on someone.

If he finds out he will be resentful for ever, even if he loves the baby.

You'd put a crack in your relationship you wouldn't ever be able to heal.

SmallBee Sun 28-Feb-16 09:35:47

YABU and you know it.
It's a huge betrayal of trust, it's manipulative and controlling and despicable.

I've seen this happen to people and they always find out and they leave.

If your DH came on this board after finding out you'd done this I'd tell him to LTB.

So if you fancy being a single parent so much then ditch him and pop to the sperm bank.

yorkshapudding Sun 28-Feb-16 09:36:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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