AIBU to wish that I got married when I was my thinnest as oppose to when I was fattest?

(26 Posts)
Amelia65 Sat 27-Feb-16 17:20:55

Hi,

I got married two years ago shortly after the birth of my son. Before my son I was a size 10 after a size 14+ .My plan was to get rid of all the baby weight before the wedding but things didn't quite go to plan.

I had a wonderful wedding and we have a picture on our mantelpiece. Every Time I look at it though I just think how fat my arms are and how disgusting I feel I look in the picture.

I just feel that the one chance I had to be beautiful was ruined my weight and I can't look at that picture now without being self critical. This was not helped by weight related comments made by my MIL on my wedding day.

AIBU??

AliceScarlett Sat 27-Feb-16 17:30:25

Yabu, sorry. Your wedding day was not your only chance to be beautiful. A size 14 isn't exactly fat either. You had a wonderful wedding, you have a child... I wonder if you are striving for perfection here. It's done, let it go if you can.

OurBlanche Sat 27-Feb-16 17:31:31

Take the picture down. Ask the photographer to send you a 'corrected' version. Tell your MIL to piss off.

Any combination of the above should help smile

44PumpLane Sat 27-Feb-16 17:32:15

YANBU to feel that way, but I think as what is done is done you have to try and find a way to move past it.

Your body was the product of having created your child, which I a hugely positive thing (I assume) for you and your other half.

Also I assume you are happy with the actual marriage, so in that respect its a picture of a happy time in your life.

Try and come to terms with the pic so you see it as a representation of a joyous time in your life, and if you really can't get past it, save up and have a vow renewal on your 10 year anniversary and be your best you in those pics instead!

acasualobserver Sat 27-Feb-16 17:32:48

Take the picture down.

venusandmars Sat 27-Feb-16 17:37:30

MY wedding was at my thinnest (30 years ago). I'll never look like that again, and I believed for a long time that exh would only love me if I did sad. You have the great security and comfort of knowing that when you imagined you were at your worst your dh was so committed to you that he married you that day (arms and all) grin

Mari50 Sat 27-Feb-16 17:40:10

YANBU but that kind of pointless wishing is going to drive you crazy. There's nothing you can do to change things unless you have a delorean customised with a flux capacitor!
It is what it is, focus on getting fit and slim now-if that's what you want- and get some gorgeous studio photos done and then you can compare and congratulate yourself on how fab you look!

Fedupithink Sat 27-Feb-16 17:44:56

YANBU. My wedding day was absolutely one of the best days of my life. However, I wish the vast majority of the photographs didn't exist.

It's not a weight issue for me but we were badly let down by our photographer and every time I see the pictures I think about the first time we viewed them after the wedding. Excitedly sat on the sofa with my new husband and a bottle of Champagne - and then I sobbed, for hours. They are truly awful, there are 4 photos from over 400 that I'm prepared to have in my house/on display. But even those still remind me.

I don't think it's as simple as moving past it and remembering the happy time you had.

I totally get it, but I don't know what the solution is im afraid.

RubyRoseViolet Sat 27-Feb-16 18:14:12

It can be horrible when you don't like the way you look in an important photo can't it? I'm getting married in May and have similar worries.

All I would say is either take the photo down OR force yourself to look at it and be positive! I know that sounds silly but I've started doing that and it really works for me!

I was very ill for a couple of years and it made me feel differently about my body. When I was ill all I wanted was to be well and everything else seemed so superficial. I resolved that when I recovered I wouldn't waste time moaning about being a bit overweight or looking less than fab in photos.

By and large I've maintained that and even if I see a photo I initially dislike I force myself to pick out the positives in it. Eg I look really happy, my curves look great, my hair looks good etc. I hope I can be like that I response to my wedding pics because despite my efforts I haven't quite managed to lose the weight I'd hoped to! The dress still fits though so that's the main thing!

Chamonix1 Sat 27-Feb-16 18:15:31

I got married almost double that size, all I see in my wedding photos are how bloody happy I was, happy even though I was fat! Amazing, eh?
Honestly, that's what matters on your wedding day, being happy! Don't let the fact you were carrying a ickle extra weight after childbirth ruin it for you. I bet you looked lovely dear, I've never seen an ugly bride, they've all been radiant and ranging in all sorts of shapes and sizes and ages!

Chamonix1 Sat 27-Feb-16 18:19:10

And my mil spent an entire year telling me unless I lost weight is regret it, that "so and so who used to live next door looked hideous in her dress and she was EVEN BIGGER THAN YOU!!", she also didn't tell me once I looked even "nice" on my wedding day, and actually for once in my life I did. Screw what your mil says, honestly just remember the good bits, it's all you can do.

ollieplimsoles Sat 27-Feb-16 18:20:29

I think its beautiful that you got married after having your son and you have the fabulous size 14 frame to show for it op. Don't be so hard on yourself, I know you cant but I wish you could post the wedding pic you hate, I love brides.

Its a cliche but your body did an amazing thing- rejoice!

ollieplimsoles Sat 27-Feb-16 18:21:28

Oh and don't listen to the friggin mil! Everyone knows that!

RubyRoseViolet Sat 27-Feb-16 18:22:16

That's a lovely, uplifting post Ollie smile

Chamonix1 Sat 27-Feb-16 18:26:47

I told myself as long as the photographer didn't catch me looking like this I was winning!
(I didn't eat any cake until I got home just to be safe) grin

magpie17 Sat 27-Feb-16 18:27:13

I bet you looked beautiful, fat or thin, you were marrying the man you loved and had a child with. What's not beautiful about that?!

I have never seen a bride who didn't look radiant and lovely and I bet you did too.

LifeofI Sat 27-Feb-16 18:27:17

im a firm believer in everything happens for a reason.

Arkhamasylum Sat 27-Feb-16 18:33:45

I was at my thinnest when I got married and still thought my arms looked fat in the photos. It's really easy to be hypercritical of how you look, especially in wedding pictures. It sounds like your MIL rocked your confidence. So, my conclusion is I bet you looked amazing, I'm sure your arms are fine and your MIL should be shoved off a cliff with a pitchfork.

justwondering72 Sat 27-Feb-16 18:41:31

I think YAB a bit U but I know how you feel. I was back at my mums this weekend, she's having a clear out and unearthed my wedding outfit (cream skirt and top, fitted jacket). All I could think of was how massive it was - I was really overweight at the time, though have lost weight since. I didn't have any desire to hang onto the outfit - it's on it's way to the charity shop. And although I had s great day, I've no desire to go back to feeling so fat and unhappy with myself.

It was only one day out of thousands that are to come. Let it go, and focus on the future. It's the marriage that counts, not the wedding. I don't think we've got any wedding photos on display by now - but plenty of our lovely kids ;-)

defineme Sat 27-Feb-16 18:41:42

No one else remembers your arms, they remember the lovely day they saw amelia65 get married. Get them retouched and focus on the important stuff. I could have worn some proper make up, a more flattering neckline, but I look happy and I am surrounded by people who love me. My dm has body issues and told me to pull my stomach in as i was giving a speech...her problem not mine. Honestly op you'renot seeing the woods for the trees here. My df had her ds' chickenpox taken off the wedding photos.

Loqo Sat 27-Feb-16 18:55:12

Honestly I bet everyone except for your bitchy MIL will have thought you looked beautiful. I take down the pictures if they bug you and try and remember all the wonderful things about your wedding day they were probably the bits without MIL in

I was quite hmm pregnant when I got married and my boobs were triple their usual size shock - I can't say my photos do much for me either.

Amelia65 Sat 27-Feb-16 20:06:58

Thanks for replies. I know I'm being unreasonable because I love my DH and DS but I hate the way I look at my wedding! Wish I could do it all over again!

It's such a shame - it's so sad that other brides feel this way too sad!

doughnutslikefannys Sat 27-Feb-16 20:30:41

I'm getting married in seven weeks. I've tried for years to lose weight and I have gone from a size 22 to a 16 but I haven't really lost much in the last year and I'm so disappointed in myself. I've had a long time to lose more weight and I've just faffed about, binged and starved myself for months to end up the same. I'm terrified that I'm going to hate my photos when they come back sad

I'm going to try my hardest between now and then to lose a bit more but I'll always know that even my wedding didn't give me the kick up the arse I needed.

honeylulu Sat 27-Feb-16 20:47:51

I absolutely hated my wedding photos. I looked fucking awful. We had a crap photographer plus I'd lost a huge amount of weight in a couple of weeks before die to stress (a long story but cuntish MIL the root of it). So I weighed 7 stone 6 (I'm 5 foot 6) and looked emaciated, had barely slept for two weeks, was to poor to have my hair and make up done, did it myself on the day and rushed it, then ruined anyway during torrential rain at the "before" photos.
I'd heard nearly everyone hates at least some of their photos at first but no I hated and still hate almost all of them. I have two up at home. One is black and white and taken from a distance. The other is a confetti throwing shot where I'm partly obscured and have my eyes shut.
I'm still happily married after 16 years but the photos always bothered me. We eventually had a marriage blessing last year at part of our daughter's christening - not for photos but because we hadn't been able to marry in our local church although this was the one we ended up attending and where our children were baptised (and other reasons). We didn't do the whole vow renewal but had the blessing part and dressed up in a toned down version of wedding attire. A friend took done semi official photos and omg they were amazing. I was more of a beautiful "bride" in my 40s than in my 20s. These are the photos I have up now and it's all the better because our children are in them too. Don't rule out having your photos done again, however you want to do it.

thebiscuitindustry Sat 27-Feb-16 21:40:05

Forget about your MIL's comments. Who criticises someone's weight on their wedding day?! Or even at all?

People of all shapes and sizes get married. I'm sure you will have looked fantastic and no-one else will have even thought about your size, just wanted to be there to share your day.

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