To not go to this leaving do, I think I might be

(12 Posts)
lastqueenofscotland Sat 27-Feb-16 14:29:33

A dear friend of mine who I have known for 20 years is moving abroad for good next week. She has been going there on and off for as long as a year for a while and has a fiancé out there and will be getting married. Since she set a date to go I've made sure to see her a lot, we've done lots of dinners/pub trips etc and last week spent a whole day together putting the world to rights which was lovely.

She has a leaving do tonight, has booked an upstairs room in a pub - hasn't laid any thing on (that's not influencing my decision just tha she won't be out of pocket if I don't go), tonnes of people going, I know her and one other.
It's a pain to get to, it starts late and I have to be up tomorrow. All seemed slight issues.
But my aunt died unexpectedly last night. She hasn't been ill and I feel devastated. Not bawling my eyes out, but like I've been hollowed. I'm just not sure I can face a massive social gathering but I also do want to see her off but feel I already said my goodbyes last week.

Wwyd

spottedshirt Sat 27-Feb-16 14:32:37

I wouldn't go. You've said your goodbyes already and your aunt has unexpectedly died.

I'd just phone your friend and explain.

CaptainCrunch Sat 27-Feb-16 14:33:42

I don't understand why anyone goes to these type of things if they don't want to, especially with the very good reason of bereavement. It's a no brainer.

AlpacaLypse Sat 27-Feb-16 14:34:27

If she's a dear friend of course she'll understand. Sorry for your loss OP.

Will you be going out to visit her in her new country in the future?

wickedwaterwitch Sat 27-Feb-16 14:34:49

If you don't feel up to it, don't go

I'm sorry for your loss

lastqueenofscotland Sat 27-Feb-16 14:36:11

Phew I was worried I'd get a grilling for being selfish. Alpaca we have spoken about me going out maybe end of the year or Easter she will also be coming back once every six-nine months to see her family so it's not like I will literally never see her again

ovenchips Sat 27-Feb-16 14:37:52

I agree with spottedshirt.

If you feel you can't, or your friend wouldn't understand, go for the minute it starts, have one drink with your friend then leave.

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt, sounds like quite a shock.

formerbabe Sat 27-Feb-16 14:42:27

I was going to say that you should definitely go, until I read that you lost your Aunt last night. Don't go...I'm sure your friend will understand.

Sorry for your loss flowers

MagpieCursedTea Sat 27-Feb-16 14:47:05

Agree with formerbabe, I was also reading through and thinking that you should go for at least one drink, then I read about your aunt. I'm very sorry for your loss, you shouldn't go if you don't feel up to it and a decent friend would understand that.

Deletetheheat Sat 27-Feb-16 14:58:51

There are so many miseries on MN who come on here for permission not to go to wedding, birthdays etc and they are ALWAYS given the green light by posters who seem to be outraged that people dare to throw parties for families and friends!

BUT in your case you have had a bereavement so of course you shouldn't go as you feel so sad. I'm surprised you're asking really. Sorry for your loss.

lastqueenofscotland Sat 27-Feb-16 15:22:11

I rang her and she was very much "you daft sod you didn't have to ask for approval"
which is a relief.

I've decided if i feel up for going for one early on i will but if i don't i don't and she'll know I've not just bummed her off.
One less thing to worry about!

ovenchips Sat 27-Feb-16 15:31:36

Sorted. Well done you!

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