My DH is recovering from cancer. He was lucky and the doctors caught it early - treated with surgery and got it all so no chemo etc needed. He is now recovering, and will be for some month's yet, from the major and brutal surgery he had. It is hard as don't want to give too much revealing info but basically the type of cancer he had, we have been told is very likely a genetic one. The doctors recommended he undergo genetic testing to establish this and then we can further establish the likelihood of our DS, currently aged 4, getting it. My DH is 33 years old.
His mom married a man 9 months after DH was born who raised him as his own but he is not DHs biological father. He left when DH was born. DH found out when he was 12, at that time MIL said she would help him contact biological father if he ever wished it. DH then said no.
Fast forward 21 years, the relationship with MIL and FIL has been pretty bad, we had not spoken for 3 years prior to his getting sick. MIL imo, is pretty terrible. Think of all the bad MIL tales that get told on here and I can relate to most of them. However when DH was admitted to hospital, the day he got sick, I could tell the drs were worried, so before they even confirmed anything, I called MIL because, as a mother myself, I would want to know my son was extremely ill in hospital, despite everything.
They came and have actually been pretty great. This was 4 months ago. They have built up a great relationship with our DS. Taken him for weekends, they want to give him horse riding lessons, buy him nice rings, spend time etc. We haven't talked about past issues - their words are: water under the bridge.
Anyway - sorry for rambling picture painting - After Dr tells us Wednesday that in order to sort this genetic testing, the specialist that does this, will need a genetic family tree. So DH phones his mum, explains everything. She said she would help him, so he asks for his bio fathers name, explains he just wants to try and find out if he is alive/dead, try and talk to him, just to establish if this cancer is on his side. There are lots of cancers on his mother's side. But MIL said no. She won't tell him. No explanation. Just no. Actually the only real life example I have seen of 'no' being a complete sentence.
DH did not argue with her. The call ended with a vague commitment to seeing her this weekend.
I am raging though. Giving us the name is no guarantee of answers, but not giving it is complicating things. They were 19 when she got pregnant. He ran off when the baby was born. They were not living together. I have asked other relatives before about him, they said he cheated on her and was a shit in that sense but no mention of abuse.
I don't know. AIBU in expecting her to provide this?
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AIBU?
To expect MIL to give info on DHs father.
71 replies
MargotFenring · 27/02/2016 10:44
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