More a WWYD - Wife's make-up

[Collaborate]

Hoping for some world advice from the MN jury here

My wife went out last night to a formal black-tie dinner (work related - posh professional do). She booked in to one of those places before she came home to change - the type that will style your hair and do your make-up. She wore one of her many elegant dresses, and had by all accounts an enjoyable time. I told her she looked lovely.

Now, here's the dilemma. I thought that she had too much make-up on, and I wasn't too impressed with her hair as well.

She is one of those women who wears no make-up on a day to day basis. It suits her. When she puts make-up on herself, and styles her own hair, it is very understated, elegant, and she really looks, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world. It suits her personality. I thought last night's make-up hid her natural beauty, the eye make-up was too severe, and it almost felt like whoever applied it, felt she needed more on to try and hide her age (I seem to recall last time this happened my wife saying something similar). Don't get me wrong here - she doesn't need to hide her age. She's late 40s, and has a lovely complexion. Although it's not the complexion of a 20 year old, she needs very little make-up to look her best.

So - do I mention this to her, as above, or do I say nothing?

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

You can't tell her after the event! Unless you think she will use the service again and worry she's been ripped off.

[JoandMax]

Say nothing! What would be the point now anyway after the event??

If she was happy with how she looked and felt confident and had a great time then that's the only thing that matters

[TattyDevine]

Say nothing. If she didn't like it, she won't go there again. If she did like it, she will go there again, as she should, because she liked it.

The only important thing here is whether or not she liked it.

If she says "I'm not sure about last night's makeup, what do you think"? then you tell her what you thought.

If she says "I loved last night's makeup! What do you think?" Then you smile and nod, because she liked it, and that is the only important thing here.

Her face, her choice.

[longdiling]

No. If she hasn't asked your opinion and seems happy with it herself then don't go pissing on her chips after she's enjoyed her night out. If it were me I'd feel stupid and upset and worried that everyone who saw me thought I looked awful. It's not like she can go back in time and change it is it?

If she asks your opinion in the future be honest and constructive sure, but I don't see the point in effectively saying 'by the way dear you looked like shit last night '

[Polgara25]

It's her face.

Don't tell her that the make up looked bad (in fact don't even mention the make up at all) - praise her natural beauty.

Other than that, it's really up to her.

[redskirt3]

Say nothing

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

Say nothing. Why tell her now? It would just hurt her and knock her confidence.

[absolutelynotfabulous]

Um...you've already told her she looked lovely, though.

[HappyAsASandboy]

I don't think you should say anything. If she felt great last night then your comments will take the shine off it, and if she was worried the makeup was OTT then your comments would make her feel everyone will have noticed.

If she mentions going to have hair/make up done next time, it would be fine to say something like "I think you look best when you do your own hair/make up. You know how to do it so you look natural/elegant/beautiful". That way you can compliment her and advise against OTT company all without saying anything negative about last night :)

[MytwinisMilaKunis]

I think you are over thinking it to be honest. Say nothing.

[IdaJones]

You could compliment her hair and makeup next time she does it herself, but I wouldn't say anything about the professional hair and makeup. She may have liked that look.

[Collaborate]

Fairly unanimous so far.

Thank you O wise ones!

Will keep schtum!

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

I can't imagine my dp taking such an interest in my makeup. Are you in the beauty industry yourself op? I always find makeup artists go heavier than I would myself.

[Katenka]

Why would you say anything?

Tbh it doesn't matter what you think. She may have liked it, that's up to her.

She may have hated it and she won't go again.

Or she may have hated but feels more comfortable at these events 'done'. That me. I don't wear much make up or put a lot of effort into my hair on a day to day basis and think I look better like that.

But going to a big even, I wear more and do more as I wouldn't feel comfortable if I didn't.

Telling her after sounds quite awful. But as I say it doesn't matter what you think.

[BYOSnowman]

Just because you didn't like it doesn't mean she didn't still look nice.

Does she go out often? If not, and you say something, that will come across as you wanting to put her off going out again. Or she may think you are being controlling/jealous

It really can not end well if you say something. She's happy and had a good time so why bring her down after the event?

[MissTessmacher]

What possible reason could you have to tell her you didn't like her hair and makeup at all never mind after the event?

Her face, her hair, her choice. You seem a tad over-invested in your wife's appearance tbh.

[Collaborate]

Far from the beauty industry Lois!

The amount of make-up looked so different to her normal look. Much more than she had on at our wedding, which I still regard as the best she's ever looked.

[ohtheholidays]

HAHA are you a man that values his life and his unmentionables if you are then NO you don't tell her!

If she goes to go there again then you could say that you thought that she did her hair and make up far better than anyone there ever could.

[Katenka]

Sorry but I don't get the 'compliment her on how she usually does her hair'

Or 'next time she mentions going compliment her on how she usually does it'

Sounds like 'use compliments to try and stop her doing something she wants to do'.

It's her face and hair, let her do what she want.

[Collaborate]

You seem a tad over-invested in your wife's appearance tbh.

Sorry to have an opinion.

[BYOSnowman]

You didn't like how she had the make up. She probably did.

Why does your opinion of how you think she looks best override how she feels about herself?

It's heading into the territory of 'my wife looks so much better when she wears dresses but always wears jeans, aibu to tell her she doesn't look good in jeans and I prefer her in dresses'?

[MissTessmacher]

You can have all the opinions you want.

Doesn't give you the right to try and influence how she dresses/wears her makeup. By considering giving her negative feedback after the event, when it's of zero possible use, it seems like you're trying to neg her with the intention of keeping her looking how you want her to.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

I think if she asks, you could say, but otherwise, it is a bit rude. I'd be narked if my partner decided to air opinions on my makeup unsolicited.

If I didn't ask, it's because I was happy with it.

[MadHattersWineParty]

I had this done once. I went home, scrubbed it off with an entire pack of make up wipes, and did it again myself, how I'd normally do it. It was hideous, all thick winged eye shadow and cakey foundation.

My boyfriend at the time said it looked great, but as it was my face, do whatever. He later admitted (when I pressured him into it) that he'd hated it and I looked far better when I took it off.

But he'd have never ever admitted that if I hadn't badgered him into it, so unless she does the same, keep it zipped

[bertiebuzzard]

She hasn't asked for your opinion though has she?
How would you feel if she told you that last week when you went out you didn't look as good as usual?