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MIL buying pink stuff

(177 Posts)
Quodlibet Thu 25-Feb-16 21:29:34

Context: DD is 2. MIL is very generous and likes buying clothes etc for her (first grandchild), which I am grateful for. She usually asks if there's anything we need for DD, and mostly has good taste. She also happily buys anything we point out or send her a link to which I am really appreciative of. If left to her own devices she would shop for England and buy us far far more than we possibly need, which we've had to keep in check before as we honestly don't want or need or have room for too much stuff. She has two boys so a girl is a novelty which she is clearly excited about.

I've spent a lot of effort avoiding the pinkification, partly because I can't stand all the pink/blue segregation, partly because I'd rather have unisex clothes that might work for a second child of either sex. I've said lots of times in front of mil that this is how I feel.

However, more recently, she's ONLY been buying us pink stuff. She turns up with eg a coat (I've previously said no please don't buy her any more coats; she has 4 unworn in the drawer two of which you bought her already), and then says 'they only had pink ones left'. Ok, well my thought is: if they only have pink ones left, leave it in the shop. Today she went shopping for pjs for DD (having asked if she was in need of anything, DP said yes please, pjs) and once again, all they had in Central London was these bright pink ones. Bright pink stuff for Xmas. Multipack of pink and white tops earlier in the year (which I just dropped off with the local Salvation Army who collect kids stuff for families who need it).

It's getting frustrating, and I am not sure how to broach it. On one hand I know IABU to turn down gifts, but on the other hand it feels like she is disregarding my wishes on the subject on purpose. As DD gets to an age when she's going to start inevitably getting exposed to the 'pink is for girls' shit at nursery, I'm trying to old back the tide as long as possible. There's only so much quiet giving stuff away I can do without her noticing.

Can I /how do I broach it with MiL? I've asked DP to as he feels the same as me, but he hasn't and probably won't.

CooPie10 Thu 25-Feb-16 21:32:24

I think you are the one making an issue of pink not her.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 25-Feb-16 21:32:25

I remember asking for anything but sodding pink and yes it gets ignored!!!

I generally took it back or have it away - it's the only way if you're being ignored -

Sorry no help

poocatcherchampion Thu 25-Feb-16 21:33:52

How about if she asks if you need anything you say "no thank you" and buy it yourself?

WorraLiberty Thu 25-Feb-16 21:35:57

I've spent a lot of effort avoiding the pinkification, partly because I can't stand all the pink/blue segregation, partly because I'd rather have unisex clothes that might work for a second child of either sex.

Can you see how you're contradicting yourself there?

If you can't stand the pink/blue segregation, why take part in it?

All colours work for kids of either sex, if you don't want to segregate.

noblegiraffe Thu 25-Feb-16 21:38:57

It's not about what you wear, it's about what you do.

NerrSnerr Thu 25-Feb-16 21:40:28

Would she be allowed blue? If so, yabu. As a child my mum used to avoid pink and used to tell us how pink is bad, I remember looking down on girlie girls for no good reason. Although I like all colours I do sometimes buy the link option now to rebel.

I dress my toddler girl in all colours. She's in pink pjs now, but I don't think it will affect her future as I think attitude and being a good example is more important.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 25-Feb-16 21:41:33

It's not that though - it's not just a pink top - it's a bright pink glitter and flowers top!

I tot pink pjs ins Dora or Peppa pjs - over the top tat ! Really bugged me!!

DD wasn't a "Pink" child - DD2 however was another story!!!

formerbabe Thu 25-Feb-16 21:41:58

Yabu and quite ridiculous imo.

How lucky your dd is to have a grandmother who must really love her and likes buying her things. My dc have no grandparents. Count yourself lucky. It's just a colour ffs.

Quodlibet Thu 25-Feb-16 21:43:06

Worraliberty yes to some degree - yes any colour can be for any child and DD has a rainbow of clothes, including lots and lots from the 'boy' aisle. But some very gendered clothes are designed to look out of place on the opposite sex. I don't want to send DD out in frilly pink stuff with hearts and flowers all over it; and I won't want to send a boy out in that stuff either. That's the stuff I object to.

poocatcher yes mainly that is what I do. Lots of this pink stuff is stuff she turns up with which is unasked for.

SalemSaberhagen Thu 25-Feb-16 21:43:55

Yeah what a bitch your MIL is, buying you so much for your DD hmm

If you buy no pink, and she buys some pink, then your DD still won't have much pink will she? Unless your MIL is buying all of your DD's clothes.

SalemSaberhagen Thu 25-Feb-16 21:44:50

You also sound far too try-hard OP.

IggertyZiggertyZoom Thu 25-Feb-16 21:44:52

I would kneel down and kiss the floor if MIL bought anything for my DC (blue, pink or whatever). He's also her only DGC.
I think you may be a tad spoilt and I may be a tad jealous

PricklyHodgeheg Thu 25-Feb-16 21:48:45

Does she have a daughter of her own? I've come across grandmothers (my own grandmother included) who are obsessed with buying pink stuff for their granddaughters because they didn't have daughters and therefore 'missed out' on buying pink stuff confused

TSSDNCOP Thu 25-Feb-16 21:48:51

I wonder is there anything at all that women with married sons can do that is right.

Child has doting, engaged grandmother. If she wants to spend her hard earned on coats let her. Really what harm does it do?

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Thu 25-Feb-16 21:50:17

Pink is just a colour. And a baby boy can wear pink; he won't care.

I get you, though. I have my own bias against Disney Princess stuff, as I'm drowning in it and get so sick of it. But I know full well if I say something, it will be ignored.

FoolsAndJesters Thu 25-Feb-16 21:53:22

I think if you like getting gifts off her then you have to accept that she will buy some things that she likes. It seems a bit unfair if you only 'let' her buy certain things.

I'm not and have never been girlie but I still occasionally wear pink. Was I setting a bad example to my girls? OP do you wear pink? Make up? Heels? If you do then isn't that likely to be a far bigger influence on you DD than pink clothes?

Xmasbaby11 Thu 25-Feb-16 21:54:52

It wouldn't bother me. My in laws used to buy pink stuff for dd1. It wasn't exactly my taste but thought it was nice she'd wear something her go had bought. They stopped buying her clothes when she turned 2 for some reason. My parents on the other hand buy charity shop clothes for dd and it's often quite grotty or old looking. We are pretty skint so I'd love it if someone bought her brand new quality clothes!

FoolsAndJesters Thu 25-Feb-16 21:56:56

My DC are young adults and I've just realised that my two boys will both wear pink but neither of my DDs will except for underwear. Both my boys look lovely inn pastel pink.

I didn't ban pink for my girls when they were little but I didn't tend to buy it for them myself. We were quite big on sparkly stuff though. wink

poocatcherchampion Thu 25-Feb-16 21:57:10

I do get you on the pink but all sorts of people buy stuff that is not to my taste. I just put it on the children and graciously smile at the giver and feel secretly smug that ILs don't say rude things about me being too fussy to buy things for like they do their other DIL

ollieplimsoles Thu 25-Feb-16 21:57:17

I think the issue here might be mil buying things for your DD that you would prefer to buy yourself?

I don't get on with my mil and she was obsessed with dd wearing pink, she bought us all sorts of stuff that we wanted to buy ourselves, we just shoved all her stuff in storage and bought our own stuff.

I do think its a bit strange though that she would continue buying pink things when she knows you don't like it.

leliondemer Thu 25-Feb-16 21:58:11

I do understand that it's annoying when people buy things like coats that you wouldn't usually choose yourself. Just because it's a well meaning gift, doesn't mean you want to use it every day for your own child.

My mil has 3 boys so goes totally over the top with girls' clothes for dd. They mostly aren't really my choice so don't get worn often. However anything I do like gets lots of wear and mil has now started to take notice and chooses things I like.

I wouldn't say anything though. I think it's best just to accept graciously and then use as and when.

It is nice when grandmothers want to buy things but it can be a bit too much. I went on holiday with my mil and she turned up with a whole wardrobe of clothes for dd. If was her first holiday and I too wanted to get her some summery clothes. So of course some things (both mil's and mine) were never used which was a bit of a shame.

JuxtapositionRecords Thu 25-Feb-16 21:58:11

Your MIL is kind enough to buy stuff for her grandchild, stuff she has picked because she likes it and it gives her pleasure to spoil your DD.

Appreciating that is way more important than your 'pinkification' crusade.

It's just a colour. What exactly are you worried is going to happen if she dares to wear something pink and glittery ?

FishWithABicycle Thu 25-Feb-16 22:00:28

It's easier than you think to dye clothes different colours. Buy lots of Dylon in strong colours. Natural fabrics take up dye but synthetic materials often don't - I got given a pair of pink pyjamas once which I dyed a deep blue - I didn't notice before the dyeing that the design included some edging in satin ribbon but that didn't take the dye and stayed pink but it worked OK. I would expect that t-shirts and tops with pictures that seem shiny/rough/plasticky would end up with the picture unchanged but the rest of the item recoloured. Pink can by a thing of the past.

drspouse Thu 25-Feb-16 22:00:40

If she is of the opinion that girls should wear pink, will a repetition of "oh we were hoping for clothes we can hand down should we have a boy next time, it's such a waste not to" help at all? Ad nauseam. And asking if she'd be offended if you swapped a fourth coat for some pyjamas (oh don't trouble yourself just give me the receipt).

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