Oh shit. How much trouble am I in??!(128 Posts)
My parents have gone away on a cruise for 3 weeks. Left last Thursday and asked me to housesit and to look after DSis who was 18 2 weeks ago.
My parents said she could have a party last Friday night (yeah, cheers for that one ). I wasnt told anything about it until last Wednesday evening. Mum said it would be max 10 friends and she agreed they could drink but the rules were no spirits and no smoking indoors (both me and DSis smoke but we know to smoke outside or in the garage)
Anyway DSis and me went to the supermarket last Thursday and brought some beer and cider and alcopops. Set some extra ground rules: anyone carrying alcohol on the way into the party would be turned away, I would be checking on them all every so often and if anything iffy was happening I would be pulling the plug straight away. And I set a curfew to have everyone apart from her 2 best friends to be out by 1am.
It is worth pointing out here that DSis has friends varying in age from about 14-25. She does some volunteering, has a part time job and goes to college so has friends from those places.
DSis and everyone turned up at the house about 7.30pm. Everything seemed fine. Nobody turned up with extra alcohol (to my knowledge at the time). There was an extra 4 people but I let it go.
About 8.30 and I was cooking some pizzas in the kitchen. 2 girls came in and
asked where they needed to go to smoke and I pointed them in the right direction. Didnt pay much attention to them tbh as the beeper went on the oven and I was trying to Skype my DP at the time.
Took the pizzas in and all was OK until about 10pm when DSis came in and said one of her friends had been sick behind the sofa and was drunk. Cleaned her up and took her upstairs and put her to bed in Dsis bed where shefell asleep. I asked Dsis if she knew her Mums number- her phone had a passcode on it so I couldnt get in to to get the number. DSis just ensured me that the girl was just a bit of a lightweight and had got carried away.
I told her it was time to wrap things up. Went into the lounge to find they had smuggled bottles of vodka and tequila in and had been doing shots (I had gone into the louge to get the girl but they had hidden the evidence behind the other sofa) and that they had been smoking out of the window of the lounge. Kicked everyone out and told them that if they came back id be calling the police to escort them all home to their parents which funnily enough got rid of them all. DSis told ne later they had hidden the bottles under the hedge and when the two girls went out to smoke they brought it in
I was furious with DSis and told her that aside from college, work and her volunteering she wouldnt be lesving the house until she was my parents reaponsibilty again and that id be taking her and collecting her. Ive managed to confiscate her bank card and I know she doesnt have any cash so shd cant get anywhere without me anyway.
Let the girl stay the night who I then dropped off the next day. She insisted I dropped her at the corner of the street, but I drove her to the front door. She let herself in and there were no cars about so her parents musnt of been in.
Anyway all was OK until today when I got a phone call from the girls mother. It turns out she is only 14, had never had alcohol before and had been told by their DD she was just going to a sleepover at a different friends house.
Theyve said they are ringing the police for supplying alcohol to a minor and that they will be making my employer aware. I explained the situation (that I was DSis, Mum gave permission for the party and the alcohol and gave us the money to pay for it.) but they didnt care. The girl was incredibly hungover and apparantly told her parents everything
Im shitting myself. Im furious. If i get a criminal record, a warning even, I will more than likely loose my job. DSis is remorseful but it isnt good enough. Ive sent her to stay with my grandparents for the remainder of my parents trip who are uncontactable as they are on a cruise and obviously cant get phone signal in the middle of the Atlantic. This will be the case until Sunday.
I'm not a police officer but I can't believe they'd be that interested in this. Surely there are 14 year olds getting pissed up and down the country every weekend?
Just tell them everything you put here if they come round and I doubt they'll do much. Same with your employer.
It isn't illegal to drink in a house at 14 is it? Unless you made her pay for the drinks when I guess it could be iffy!
14 year olds go out and get pissed, it's not great but she has probably learnt a very good lesson from it!
I wouldn't worry at all, sounds like the parents are just trying to pass the blame
None I wouldn't think.
Can drink at home from aged 5.
Parents should take responsibly and should have checked I doubt the police will be interested.
AFAIK there's no such offence. Perhaps she should take more time to find out what her daughter gets up to, and she's lashing out at you because she knows that.
My hazy knowledge on all of this is that it's legal to drink at home from age 5, so I don't think you'll be in any trouble at all.
I did something similar at that age. My parents went ballistic at me and made me buy flowers and take them round as an apology to the friend's parents. I think you did everything you could in the situation and the parents are being unreasonable about their daughter betraying their trust. I hope it gets sorted out.
*it is not illegal to
For a child aged five to 16 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises.*
Are you in the UK op? I've heard of people being sued on civil court in the US over similar situations but it really doesn't sound like a UK police matter. She didn't come to any real harm, sounds like they're trying to wind you up (and clearly succeeding).
Did you tell the mum what had happened? I really can't see how this is your fault tbh and I have a 14yo
I will be amazed if the police are interested. (Please post here if they are). How did you leave it with the parents? Do you think they are actually going to tell the police or were they ranting?
The police won't do much, don't worry it's not your fault.
Told her everything. She wasnt interested. I ended up having to tell her I was hanging up as she was getting quite aggressive. And i did which probably added more fuel to the fire.
Ill hold my hand up and admit I should of maybe kept a closer eye on them. But i dont think ive done anything wrong. And comment here so far is backing that up.
My husband is a police inspector and he says as you weren't in charge of the 14 year old you can't be done for neglect, and providing alcohol to a minor only applies if it's in a public place not a private dwelling.
WeShould- I imagine their DD told them who would of heard about it from DSis (or at least thats what im imagining)
Don't sweat it OP. Honestly. The mum is feeling guilty she didn't keep better tabs on her daughter and is passing the buck. Pass it right back to her and maybe suggest her time would be better used in dealing with her lying daughter than going to the Police.
I don't think the police would take it any further. Maybe have a word with you to make sure in future you know all the people who are coming to drink alcohol but lots of 14 year olds either pretend to be older / drink at older friends houses etc.
One of my friends Mum's let me drink alcohol at 11. It wasn't a particularly large amount but she was a bit neglectful (as in if we wanted to, we could've had an awful lot but luckily we didn't).
I think you've done everything you possibly can.
'Never had alcohol before'. My arse. Well maybe not that much.
I would be pointing out that they let their underage daughter go off for a 'sleepover' without checking where she really was or speaking to the supposed parents.
Yes lots of us trust our 14 year-olds, but in this case the trust was misplaced. They should be quite grateful she wasn't in some pub or club but was cleaned up, put to bed and driven home to her door.
Their problem completely imo. Perhaps ring them and tell them you have informed social services regarding their neglect. I can't stand people that abdicate responsibility like this and try to bully someone (presumably) younger.
Some people are just unrealistic about what their teenagers do get up to, or might get up.
It's not ideal she got pissed, but she's lied to her parents about where she was and ultimately it's their responsibility to know where she is etc.
Don't worry about it x
Way to go with the furious parents - how is this your fault?
The parents should be apologizing to you for their DD throwing up all over your house, apart from anything else. And thanking you profusely for looking after her and driving the special snowflake home.
That mother needs setting straight. You didn't supply her DD, she smuggled it in despite your checks. I'd be telling her that she needs to work on her DD's fag habit and her attitudes to the truth tbh. And bill her for the cost of shampooing the carpet. Well maybe not the last one but what a cheek! Maybe meet with the girl, your sister and the parents so they get an accurate account of what actually happened.
I think the supply drink to a minor relates to selling or giving alcohol on licensed premises. So in a private home, the police won't be interested. They might be interested in where any minors bought alcohol.
Ignore her parents. They are venting because they have just discovered that their precious 14 year old lied to the. And got pissed. They are angry, but at the wrong person.
Have no further contact.
I think the mum has been watching too much judge Judy, she's on a hiding to nothing. Ignore her.
I'm afraid that with the best will in the world, teenagers will push the boundaries and bend the rules- but really do not worry about any form of prosecution. The parents are just taking their frustration of the situation out on you. Learning their 14 yo isn't the sweet innocent they thought she was is perhaps a shock to them!!
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