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To think my daughter is taking me for a mug?

(198 Posts)
WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:28:15

I could post this in parenting... but I'd barely get a reply.

I'm really struggling with my daughter and her not being independent around me.

I work full time and my daughter has been in nursery since 9 months old. She's at nursery 8am til 1pm then my partner picks her up. Since the day she started nursery she has refused a bottle and milk, she would only have water in a sippy cup. At around the same time I started offering her a sippy cup at home with meals, and she wouldn't touch them. She's now 1 years old and I've persisted with this to no avail. We have about 8 different types of cup. She spent one week at about 11 months old proudly sipping water from them at mealtimes, but then stopped again. She just picks them up and throws them, or tips them upside down and pours all the water or milk out.

On saturday she had a morning bottle, then at 10am she wanted a drink again, so I put some milk in one sippy cup, water in another, offered both to a massive shake of the head. I left it until 3pm with constant crying and whinging for a drink. Everytime she asked I placed the sippy cup infront of her, and that would make her worse. I also put a sippy cup in her pram on the table at the front when we go out. Eventually at teatime I ended up having to give her a bottle before bed, she was screaming to the point of gagging. She also won't have a bottle with large or variflow teats now... only slow flowing number ones.... I just don't get it.

I've spoken to nursery about it and she takes a sippy cup without a fuss, picks it up and drinks it. (we have the same one as nursery too)

I know persistence is the way forward, but she will go all day not touching any liquid until I put it in a bottle. I also don't understand her one week of using any sippy cup I gave her and just giving up.

She is the same with feeding too. Feeds herself with a spoon at nursery, but at home I have to put the food on a spoon and pass it to her (or she hand feeds if it isn't a runny food) If I put the spoon in the bowl and leave it for her, she screams and throws it on the floor.

I know she's playing with me, because I know all the things I'm encouraging she can do!. It's becoming daft that she can't drink at home without leaning back or lying down with her bottle (I won't cradle her with one anymore) I'm stuck for what to do! There's plenty of other things she only does with me too (screaming when I open a door or looking like I'm leaving, cries when I enter a room, I'm her personal climbing frame...etc. all separation stuff)

TooMuchOfEverything Thu 25-Feb-16 10:31:15

My children are much more babyish with me than with anyone else... It's how it works. I'm their main source of comfort/stability - they are my dependents, so they depend on me.

She is still very young. Just keep on being kind and consistent, it gets easier.

TooMuchOfEverything Thu 25-Feb-16 10:31:59

PS and she will grow out of all those things.

IBelieveInPink Thu 25-Feb-16 10:34:49

If it was me... I'd try and make it all as relaxed as possible. Don't force the issue. Is there a reason you want her off the bottle?

It sounds like it is becoming a battle of wills between you. My daughter is also very.... Headstrong? <stubborn> I don't argue any more, and I've tried to relax over issues like that.
I would always offer the sippy cup, but don't make a 'thing' of it if she won't take it. Same with spoon. She's still young, she'll v soon get to an age where being independent is her thing and she won't let you help!
Also, when she gets a little older, and understands bribery, this works well!

flowers I've been there. It's frustrating. Try and let it go, it will all come in time.

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:35:48

Aye I know she won't be using a bottle until she is 18, but she is definitely comfort drinking. She also eats a lot more around me. She's a good eater to start with, but when I'm around she's constantly wanting something to eat. A mums life ay...

spanky2 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:36:08

Ds2 had a bottle for all drinks until he was about 2. Milk at bedtime was 3. At least she behaves when she's out. She will end up drinking out of a cup, how many people still drink out of bottles? I'd let her go at her own pace at home. She is still a baby really.

DrunkenUnicorn Thu 25-Feb-16 10:39:19

She's a baby! She's not trying to take anyone for a mug! hmm

Why the rush? She clearly needs to still feel that sense of dependence on you, and that's ok. Surely by keep pushing her to move forward you are creating a drama where there needn't be, which is clearly upsetting for all involved. Just relax it for a bit, soon she independence will be her new 'thing' and then you'll be cursing when she insists on doing everything herself which takes 5x as long and creates 10x the mess.

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:39:26

IBelieveInPink I'm very laid back with it all in terms of the cup. I just pop them both down, smile at her and leave her be, I don't say "no bottle you must have cup" Just pop it down like I would a toy.

I just want her off the bottles because she drinks out of a cup away from home, and has since she was 9/10 months. I'd like her to be able to drink at her own leisure than pick up a bottle, suck at it sat up getting only air and having a paddy and needing to sit back/lie back, which she hates.

She cries leaning back for the bottle, drinks the bottle, then whinges she's lying back and gets herself up lol.

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:40:37

She's a baby! She's not trying to take anyone for a mug!

There's always someone who takes a light hearted comment as literal.

ComeonSummer1 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:40:53

Gosh op I saw your post and assumed your dd was a teenager.

A 1 year old isn't taking you for a mug she's just after attention from you. They always behVe better for nursery staff and cms.

I am a cm and lots of the children regress as soon as mummy comes. That's perfectly normal.

Jeez she's 1 give her a bottle. Mine had them until at least 4 grin trust me they are all fine adults now.

Why wouldn't you cradle her with a bottle. Good grief she's just 1.

Relax and you will find she will too.

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:42:59

My rush isn't to force her to grow up, but because she uses a cup whenever she is anywhere else. Nursery, grandparents, friends houses. But when I'm around she is screaming for a bottle (even when not thirsty) She hates leaning back, hates lying down, and is always trying to drink her bottle sat up, sucking in air, and getting wound up.

She doesn't like being held, or cradled, or fed by me, but she must have a bottle if I'm there.

GloGirl Thu 25-Feb-16 10:44:29

She's only little, it makes sense she wants comfort from her Mum. Give her as much as she needs.

Try a variety of soppy cups and bottles with straws etc. Try a Doidy cup. Sometimes put a tiny drop of pure juice in it and sometimes leave it plain.

Try offering her a morning and an afternoon bottle of milk at scheduled times and only water in between.

ComeonSummer1 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:44:31

My dds were always far better at pushing my buttons and understanding my motives better than my dss. grin girls are clever. Embrace it. It's fun.

Look forward to clothes shopping and piercings op. grin

ComeonSummer1 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:45:55

Honestly get your frustration but just give her a bottle.

She will discard it soon enough.

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:46:56

Jesus christ I always regret writing fucking things on here I forgot how judgey the mumsnet rabble are and how you have to over explain everything.

1. She isn't taking me for a mug, she is a baby, It was a light hearted comment. Jesus.

2. She loves using her sippy cup I've been told, openly rejects bottles to everyone else.

3. She hates being cradled, held, or hand fed, just wants everything passing to her.

4. She takes the bottle, but wants to sit up drinking it, but she can't, so I have to lean her back, then she cries, then she drinks bottle, then she cries, then sits up and goes back to normal.

I'd like her to have the cups because I think they are more suited to what she is trying to do.

That's all.

Clearly bad mother of the year award goes to me not doing what everyone else sees as so obvious.

If anyone has any helpful tips on how they worked their way round a cup with their child it would be appreciated. smile

Thanks.

MissMoo22 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:48:12

Just let her drink from the bottle during the day too. She's still very young so I wouldn't worry about the bottle yet. My DD (18months) has a bottle with water all through the day but also has some sippy cups filled too. Her favourite though is drinking from her older brothers sports cap water bottles.

wotoodoo Thu 25-Feb-16 10:50:06

She is 1 years' old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG op you can't be as heartless as you are making out, surely?

JaneHair Thu 25-Feb-16 10:50:54

You sound incredibly rude and aggressive op.

MrsJayy Thu 25-Feb-16 10:51:36

Babies thrive on their routine so at nursery its a cup its comfort for her at home she associates comfort from her bottles have you tried sippy cups with teats on them

wotoodoo Thu 25-Feb-16 10:51:56

My advice would be treat her like a baby until she doesn't want to be treated like one, and 2 hoots to how she behaves with others hmm

MissMoo22 Thu 25-Feb-16 10:52:51

OP maybe the bottle is just comfort and she just wants to suck on the bottle regardless of whether she's getting anything out of it. She might not care she's sucking air, it could be just the comfort of it she wants.

As for the feeding, just stick with it for now. I know it's frustrating as hell but honestly they don't stay this size for long and she will get to a stage where she wants to do EVERYTHING herself (yep, DD is there) and for me, that's more frustrating :D

Give her the bottle, let her sit up straight to drink it and mostly give her finger foods to eat. Try not to stress about these things yet. She is so young that she just still needs her little comforts.

MrsJayy Thu 25-Feb-16 10:53:47

You are obviously joking about the been taking for a mug thing you pp are taking you to seriously

wotoodoo Thu 25-Feb-16 10:54:41

Your BABY is trying to COMMUNICATE with YOU the only way SHE knows how.

And YOU are pitching a battle against a BABY.

SHAME ON YOU

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:54:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WhatstheT Thu 25-Feb-16 10:55:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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